TIFU by not locking the door to the bedroom…

Submitted by ShortCartographers t3_zsreq9 in tifu

I put the kids down for their nap. They're 3.5 years old and 18 months old.

My husband and I seized the opportunity during our own “nap” for some intimate hugging. It’s a rare occasion he has off on a weekday. I’m a stay at home dad but now work part time from home. The bedroom door was closed, but not locked.

And then we hear this tiny voice. “Dada? When you done doing something with dad, you get me some milk?” Standing right next to the bed was our 3.5 year old daughter. We didn’t notice her open the door, we don’t know how long she was standing there.

I told her I would get her a cup of milk and she scurried off. Intimate hugging time ended as we were too horrified. I hope she doesn’t remember this. I hope we haven’t damaged out daughter for life. We will henceforth be locking the door.

TLDR we didn't lock the door for intimate hugging and our daughter walked in on us

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Comments

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Vneclipsd t1_j19fosi wrote

Nooo. The fact that she was so polite about it killed me.

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ShortCartographers OP t1_j19gm92 wrote

We're horrified wondering how long she was standing there trying to decide what was going on before settling on "doing something"

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essketitandyeetballs t1_j19imic wrote

i love how instead of asking what you were doing, she just asked for some milk when youre done🤣 what a polite little kiddo!

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Osiris_Dervan t1_j1bdycw wrote

Makes you wonder how many times in the past she's stood there and decided not to do anything, and left without you realising.

You're welcome.

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RecycledExistence t1_j1b8yr2 wrote

It’s just life. She’ll forget and move on. As long as you got her the milk, of course. 😂

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NeedsWit t1_j1d62yh wrote

No need to be horrified. She'll ask about whatever she saw, if anything.

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kelsey0054 t1_j1afdvm wrote

Apparently when I was around that age I walked in on my parents - ran out, came back in with my own blanket and told my parents "I want to play ghost too."

I do not remember ANY of this, and my parents like to tell this story quite often. lmao

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Ktulu789 t1_j1aix83 wrote

Totally underrated comment! Wholesome! 🤣

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vesati t1_j19kbh2 wrote

Ugh, this is one of those super-rare occasions where a surgical gaslighting may be optimal and justified.

You have to start sooner rather than later to modify her memory of the incident.

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ShortCartographers OP t1_j19z20r wrote

Our hope is that if we make the incident inconsequential by not giving it any extra attention if she never brings it up, or if she does ask then we give very simple age appropriate answers and act unbothered, then hopefully it will just fade from her memory from being unimportant to her

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vesati t1_j19zp8i wrote

I'm certain that whatever happens, it will all work out.

Absolute worst case scenario and your child turns out to be eidetic, she'll carry the role model of your marriage with her into adulthood.

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freebat23 t1_j1axs7r wrote

i've heard "snuggling" usually does the trick. i doubt she'll remember it too well though haha

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Accomplished_Sky_857 t1_j1a2ama wrote

Oh bless! 🫣

Were you under the covers??

Don't mention it to her, at all. If she brings it up, you were snuggling because you love each other. Easy enough. I promise, you feel far more weird than she does. She won't be traumatized.

Just to make you laugh, when my son was 4, we had the door locked, and I swear to you - he picked the lock with a penny instead of knocking! Aren't the little suckers just The Best?!?

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MrsRossGeller t1_j1ay607 wrote

No worries.

My 16 year old daughter walked in on me giving my husband a blow job.

Your kids won’t know or remember.

Mine will 100%. I told her I’d pay for therapy 😂😂

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UWAIN t1_j1b8u3w wrote

That's great 🤣

Our son walked in on me doing the same but he was about 5. We were just happy that we knew he'd forget in approximately 8 seconds. I think I'd pay for some form of memory wiping hypnosis if he'd been 16 😂😂

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Garchomp98 t1_j1abw53 wrote

I love how one is "dada" and the other one just "dad" lmao

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ShortCartographers OP t1_j1aj37b wrote

We tried for dada and papa but she would not say papa. For a while we were dada and baba, the suddenly it was dada and dawd. We got a kick out of it.

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Awkward-Fact350 t1_j1ac2ko wrote

My husband and I got caught playing horsie rides… apparently it’s a game that we should all play together according to Master 3yo 😬

Little people have no context, he thinks we were just playing a game without him and was miffed we didn’t include him.

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Brian9171 t1_j1fxs60 wrote

Little did you know, he knew the context.

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SigurdCole t1_j19vjbh wrote

FWIW I think making yourself inaccessible to a toddler would be more traumatizing. +1 for being available for your kiddo, even when you really didn't want to be.

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ShortCartographers OP t1_j19wwbb wrote

Fair, we would of course still be there for her if she knocked or called out to us from the other side a locked door

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Scarecrow314159 t1_j1a2xac wrote

Eh, she won't remember and even if she does, it doesn't sound like it'd scar her. If anything, I'd urge you to take the opportunity to explain truthfully what was going on.

My parents taught me where babies really come from (with a medically accurate children's book about it) as soon as I asked where babies come from. I found it confusing and weird at the time but shrugged it off as a grown-up thing once they answered all my questions.

Stork stories and the like do more harm than good.

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ShortCartographers OP t1_j1a452p wrote

Yes, that’s generally our approach. We tell her the truth in an age appropriate way and use the correct terminology for what body parts are called. I don’t feel it does anyone any favors to be raised overly sheltered and especially to have biologically/medically important information kept a secret in a way that makes it seem shameful. But, uh, we definitely didn’t want her to see that.

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Scarecrow314159 t1_j1aavic wrote

Fair. It makes me glad to know that you're not hiding truth from your kid, it sucks when adults do that for like no reason. Kids can handle a lot of information better than adults think.

But yes, I totally understand that you wouldn't want your kid to see that xD

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k9moonmoon t1_j1b204t wrote

According to the post, they are both men, so that might make the "where babies come from" story in this context a little more confusing.

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davidgrayPhotography t1_j1d1olp wrote

I like to think that in gay relationships, Sir Ian McKellen shows up at your doorstep dressed as Gandalf. He invites himself in and presents the parents with a child over a nice cup of tea. There is no question of where the kid came from, no question of Sir Ian dressed as Gandalf just showing up on your doorstep. There is just a pleasant cup of tea, a child is handed over, and Gandalf just walks out the door

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Scarecrow314159 t1_j1cg193 wrote

I mean, I just meant that they could explain what intercourse is

But yes, I guess I derped a bit on that one lol because that's not where babies come from xD

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Mont-ka t1_j19hv0b wrote

So not looking forward to the possibility of this when mine get older.

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MotoHULK t1_j19r9e3 wrote

Do why my parents did: nyquil, aka good night juice

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ShortCartographers OP t1_j19wzpw wrote

My mother used to give us Benadryl to get us to fall asleep on road trips

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Alexandros23 t1_j1apnwy wrote

My 5yo son caught us in in the shower and said, mommy that's so rude! .... I presume for putting her rear end on me, but I didn't ask why.🤣

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gathermewool t1_j1aqw2v wrote

My son asks questions about EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. He caught a glimpse of something similar and has never brought it up since. My wife even made a comment a while later that wouldn’t be TOO leading and he didn’t pick up on it. I honestly think he just saw nakedness and nothing else.

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Muffassa t1_j19zn5z wrote

NAP is an acronym, Naughty Adult Play

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BookByMySide t1_j1a4649 wrote

When i wanted to go on the computer (and my brother used it already for a couple of hours) i asked my mother. For me it was absolutely irrelevant what they where doing

Now i know why they asked me almost every time to knock first

Now i think it is a funny memory, but i dont think my mother things this way too

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mr78rpm t1_j1c7b83 wrote

Hey, just wondering: at what point do fractional years change from number of months to decimal months?

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ShortCartographers OP t1_j1ejkjt wrote

At 2 years old we switched from months to years. Babies do a lot of growing in 24 months so it conveys developmental milestones by giving months even past 1yr of age; a 12 month old will be very different from a 23 month old but both would be 1yr olds. It’s too complicated to try and do decimals for each month past 12mo, for example a 13 month old would be 1.08 years, but no one talks like that. Past 2yrs, once she reached the 1/2 way then I add it on for 2.5 until she’s 3, etc. Past 5 years the 1/2’s probably aren’t necessary any longer, then we can just say 5, 6, 7…

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earth_meat t1_j1adsty wrote

You're fine, man. She's fine. It's no big deal at all.

​

Super adorable.

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eljefeciego t1_j1a9eyj wrote

Very high probability it won't register in a young child's mind as anything traumatic, unless exposed to very graphic view. They just don't have any context for that stuff so no significance to them.

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Dragonic_Smile t1_j1ags16 wrote

That kid of yours sounds precious 🤣 it is how you handle the situation in the moment thats important. You handled it well. My other half and I had a few awkward moments for a while when our girl was young but we ended up teaching our daughter the importance of knocking. We knocked on her door before entering her room etc, so that might be something that you can start to teach her to avoid more situations happening? Its a thought anyway and you could make it into a game.

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black594 t1_j1apz7r wrote

Kid are more thought that you think

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WhiteLama t1_j1cy85t wrote

Core memory unlocked.

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ladycatgirl t1_j1dbbfi wrote

18 months old... Not 1.5 yeards old. Then why other kid is not 42 months old?

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ShortCartographers OP t1_j1ekbyd wrote

Past 2yrs we started to say years. Under 2yrs we say months. It's what their doctors do and other parents we've come across in play groups. Maybe it's a regional thing.

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Internal_Teaching_80 t1_j1cwb0t wrote

A 3,5 year old girl seeing gay sex? Yep girl is traumatized for life.

Even I would be traumatized if I saw it

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ShortCartographers OP t1_j1ekx39 wrote

Oh and it gets worse than that. She lives in a stable home with food security, has two loving parents to care for her, who love her unconditionally, who don’t neglect or abuse her, and who also love each other. She might turn out to be a kind a wonderful person, the shame.

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Internal_Teaching_80 t1_j1emihr wrote

Yeah that is pretty good but a traumatic experience is a traumatic experience.

I got all the things and more from what you mentioned up here in your sarcastic comment, but I (M) have been raped at the age of 3 by my grandfather so yeah, one traumatic experience can destroy someones life

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ShortCartographers OP t1_j1epjr5 wrote

I am very sorry to hear that, I am also a survivor of childhood SA. I understand the long term effects of that kind of trauma.

However our daughter is fine. She has no context to know what she saw because she hasn't been sexually abused. And from reading other comments here it seems not uncommon that little kids might walk in on something and since they have no idea what they saw they are not traumatized, in fact a few comments have described their kids thought they were just playing or they simply forget this kind of five second issue where they were not in harms way. There was no fear involved to create trauma.

I understand in our brains, which have been warped by being betrayed in such a fundamental way by an adult who we should have been able to trust, that stable foundation is gone which would change the context perhaps for witnessing this on accident. But my daughter is not me and she is ok.

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