You need to talk out everything with a therapist. And what you say to a therapist is not going to get back to your friends. Try to get your family to get you an appointment with a therapist. Or do it on your own if you can. It sounds like you have had a rough childhood.

Young people who have been abused and mistreated/ not loved properly have tendencies to use substances. You are on a dangerous slippery slope. Weed is one thing (it’s not great for kids as it affects the growth of your brain as you get older, and it can cause mood issues). Try not to mess with it until you are older. But at least it won’t kill you. Alcohol and pills are another story, they will lead to misery. I’ve just had a cousin die from alcoholism in their mid 30s. Another cousin died from a drug overdose, either fentanyl or heroin. Right now it’s taking pills “because it’s fun”, on s year or two it’s becoming addicted to heroin. And if you think the urges are hard now you have no idea when that addiction comes.

And even before a heroin / opiate addiction comes you take a risk each time you buy pills from on the street as they could be fentanyl. The amount of teens dying from overdoses the past couple years has skyrocketed.
You never know what you are really taking nowadays.
Get into therapy, hopefully you find a good therapist; open up to them. They will help you talk out stuff. It can work wonders to get feedback like that, to trust someone with your thoughts. Someone who cares about your well-being.
The friends that pressure you / or are a bad influence on using alcohol & pills are not good friends. Real friends look out after one another. Get close to friends who don’t use that hard stuff. And screw anyone who’s associated with gangs. Even if you open up to a school counselor you don’t have to talk about anyone else. You are not snitching. Going for help for yourself is about you, not them.
I hope you can find a better path for yourself because right now your future doesn’t look very good for you. Please try your absolute best to get help. I hope you do, and that you will find peace within yourself to where you don’t need any of those dangerous hard drugs/ alcohol. You need a trustworthy confident to lean on and to talk everything out, and real friends who actually look out after you.