TIFU by talking excitedly about food and beating inflation…in front of a literal millionaire

Submitted by DogThrowawaay t3_zypmdg in tifu

I live in a major city, and my best friend and his wife came back for the holidays, to see her mom.

I know their families as well, and we’re all adults, we get along. So, I usually get invited to come into this really nice Victorian home on the best street in the city, which belongs to my friend’s nice, but out of touch and self-aggrandizing MIL. She’s always nice to me, but easy to get on the wrong side of. Still, my friends throw the best fancy parties and stuff there. They have enough money to live well, but MIL is an actual millionaire.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to make appropriate small talk, and I like to talk about what interests me. Lately, this has been local “community supported agriculture” boxes, aka farm shares. My family got it, we loved it and tried many new recipes. It’s also a great way to beat inflation and get the best prices, since you pay upfront in the spring for 18 weeks of in-season produce and any other additions you may have bought ahead of time. It’s a pinch at the time, but then you get months of free at point of distribution local food! And it’s good quality. Can you tell I like it?

I was telling the MIL about this concept and how my family had carefully stored some items from an additional late fall box program, to eat on Christmas, when we were talking about the past holidays today. Basically explained what it is and said the above.

Money is also a bit tight for my family, though we are managing re: food. I did not mention this part.

I came back from doing something this morning with my friend, and his MIL asks me to step inside the house. And then proceeds to hand me food. And more food. And more food. Basically 90% of their holiday leftovers plus “extra” food she made earlier. She says she does not usually eat those things, needs to clean out the fridge, do I want this? Or this? I’m helping her get rid of stuff! I should visit again, she’ll have more food! After what happened to her family (Holocaust survivors), no one leaves hungry!

I literally just realized that I accidentally made her think we’re starving, because I focused so much on food and cost savings when we talked. To be fair, I’m not great at reading ulterior motives. And I’m worried about offending her if I explain I don’t need it, because she likes to do nice things to seem/be good.

TL;DR: did not consider class, excitedly discussed cheap healthy food with someone who’s never thought about a grocery bill. Now she thinks I’m a peasant she is graciously giving food to. RIP me.

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[deleted] t1_j27f5zr wrote

[deleted]

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DogThrowawaay OP t1_j27fjmw wrote

My grandparents as well. It was this lady’s mom and dad that suffered that way. I know that trauma can be generational.

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slavnar95 t1_j2921xt wrote

My moms mother starved her as a kid. They were upper middle class (Grandfather was a banker) and they came from money. Her mom would only feed them oatmeal in the morning, a sandwich and a piece of fruit for lunch, and usually a hamburger patty, some sort of starch and salad for dinner. No snacks. No extra. Her youngest brother got to eat whatever he wanted. So, my mom got maybe 1000 calories a day as a growing kid, max.

So now as an adult she FEEDS any hungry kid or adult.

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brilliantrk t1_j277f1w wrote

Today you Finished On (top)? Sounds like this person is looking out for your well being!

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DogThrowawaay OP t1_j277rr9 wrote

I’m cringing so hard tho. I don’t like to take free things, because in my experience there are strings attached.

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gujiasi t1_j281pey wrote

That's something to chat with a therapist about. Ain't nobody holding the fact they unloaded some stuff from their pantry over you after hearing about you taking care and forethought into your food situation. She's wealthy enough she doesn't even think about food cost and likely a lot of it would've gone to waste eventually.

*My wife usually makes friends with a handful of Chinese exchange grad students (we met in China when I worked there and moved back to my home country so she generally gets along with fresh off the boat people better than locals, not exclusively but generally) and when they head home we almost invariably end up getting a bunch of good food and household stuff unloaded on us. I'm doing just fine financially but I'm not too good for free shit.

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Nordic_Marksman t1_j282uzb wrote

I would just talk to her about next time you meet her. I doubt she had any ulterior motives as long as it was specifically food. I think her thought process was not enough food around Xmas let me help out. So just tell her you appreciate last time and didn't want to ruin the moment but your family doesn't actually need food you were just excited about finding a good deal.

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armcie t1_j27dfv6 wrote

You don't need it all? See if you can find someone who does. And tell your wealthy relative what you did with it.

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DogThrowawaay OP t1_j27dw0q wrote

Actually a great idea. Got a shed load of good bread, crackers, cheese, etc., and my work just added in a lunch break to shifts going over midday. I’ll bring stuff for everyone!

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sansvie95 t1_j2a2vg4 wrote

Her reason for giving tells you that there are no strings attached. You can write her a letter expressing your gratitude for thinking of you. And if there is too much for your family, share with others who nave need. You could even write her about that, letting her know that her gift helped others she doesn’t even know.

I have a feeling she would appreciate that even more than being in a position to help you after she lived through being unable to help others. She doesn’t need to know you didn’t need it.

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anotherquack t1_j2a99qd wrote

Food is usually one of the things that has the least strings attached, especially after a holiday. Knowing my MIL, she was probably right about not eating everything and felt good giving it to someone who she thought could use it. No sweat.

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Kittyknowshow t1_j2a6hcr wrote

Give what you don't want to those experiencing homelessness and if she asks later tell how grateful you were and it was a lot so you shared the love. And you're family is doing well.

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[deleted] t1_j2c0kko wrote

One of the many perks of being rich is you don’t have to attach strings when being generous to someone you want to help. Let her feel good about herself, unless accepting her help is truly causing you anguish.

If you need to, think of it as you doing her a favor by letting her share something she wants to share with you. I can guarantee you it makes her feel good to share with you.

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ModernLeper_22 t1_j2autmp wrote

Give any you don’t need to a local food bank. It will be much appreciated

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Tato7069 t1_j27b63c wrote

You don't have a lot of money for food, someone gave you food... What's the fuck up, not making rich people look evil for upvotes on reddit?

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DogThrowawaay OP t1_j27bq9n wrote

Nah. FU is that it took me 12 hours to realize that I accidentally made the wrong impression! Like I said, terrible at small talk.

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zsero1138 t1_j27m7aq wrote

the wrong impression? if they didn't like you they wouldn't've given you all that food. you made a realistic impression and have come out ahead

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moan_of_the_arc t1_j28e2cp wrote

Just thank her, accept it a couple of times, and then tell her you've got a bonus at your job or something and thank for helping in tough times. She'll stop once she thinks you're back on your feet or whatever.

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Darktenzi t1_j279ct6 wrote

Not a fuck up, you met a seemingly nice soul today who had enough to give. It kinda upsets me that.my friends dont let me help them, despite me making way more than most of them and they are clearly struggling. Personally id just say thanks and take the W friendo. May seem weird but somrtimes its good to let people feel like they helped, even if you dont "NEED" it.

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Arrasor t1_j27m9he wrote

Friendly reminder that there's a reason Pride is one of the Sins.

That's a good friend who is just trying to look out for you in ways that are still considerate of your feeling. Just take the food with grace and eat them with her. A friend like that worth way way more than pride.

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RudeSprinkles1240 t1_j27jyvy wrote

She sounds nice. She has enough, but knows what it's like to be hungry, at least second hand. If you're that worried about food (and really, prices have soared lately), and she wants to give, I don't see the problem.

Are you so proud that you don't want her to think you're poor?

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VoxR4710 t1_j27scsy wrote

This FU is shit and I feel ripped off for reading it. Your L is merely a perceived L, man. Someone should probably slap you. You are a peasant but she didn't judge anyway and you never know when that human connection and generosity might come in handy.

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Nervous_Mobile5323 t1_j2b1gmk wrote

If their family is anything like mine and the other people I know from families that survived the Holocaust, you should know that giving food doesn't mean "I pity you", it means "I consider you family".

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Enter_My_Fryhole t1_j27j7bq wrote

Maybe she's a difficult person and maybe they are ulterior motives. Regardless, if the food helps and you don't mind taking it, sounds like a win for everyone. Tell her thanks and embrace something good! (Also next time talk about car problems... haha)

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whynotlookatreddit t1_j28p9yi wrote

Consider this a gift and be grateful. If it’s too much food pass it along to your closest food bank. Finding a rich and generous person is not as common as one would hope these days Dog.

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Yukisuna t1_j28wlyz wrote

Is it… Really such a bad thing to have been given a bunch of free food? Freeze it, spend the food momey for the next week or two on other things.

I don’t get it. Is it shameful that someone that clearly has much more than they need shared some with you? That’s very nice of them!

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JonseyMcFly t1_j28g0le wrote

Today I probably made the world a little bit better for place by making someone a little bit more aware of class struggles.

Fix that title for your Op, sorry if it was awkward for you

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Garmgarmgarmgarm t1_j28s7my wrote

Listen, my uncles a millionaire, and he didnt get there by spending money on dumb shit all the time. Just, ya know, some of the time. Your MIL probably knows exactly how important it is to save when and where you can. My uncles favorite thing to do is shine on people he loves and cares about. He loves to be generous when he can. I really wouldnt worry about offending your MIL, you probably made her feel useful and good.

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Nathan-Stubblefield t1_j29j6cq wrote

A "millionaire" is someone with a new worth of a million dollars. Equity in the house (and vacation home), personal property, brokerage account, IRA, equity in businesses, other investment properties. Most managers in corporations, doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc have well over a million.

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DogThrowawaay OP t1_j29rxtj wrote

She must have more than that, then. Two great homes, full-time housekeeper/someone to help cook and serve for events, and a gardener.

Actually she’s a bit famous as well. Developed some breakthrough in treatment of a cancer, and is in a few viral videos because her surgeries helped young kids see again.

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Vipertje t1_j28d8t6 wrote

Actually millionaires have the same problems you have. When the multiplier to that million is applied it's when the problems start going away.

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Vickyinredditland t1_j28sjyz wrote

I wouldn't worry, I'm poor as dirt but if I got the idea that someone was struggling I'd give them what I could as well. To you budgeting your food and making it stretch is just clever and you're not in trouble (I have to do this, I meal plan, pickle, freeze etc. Nothing gets wasted), but to her having to do these things is worrying and she doesn't want you to be in that position. I don't think she misunderstood, I think the two of you just have different viewpoints. If it makes you uncomfortable, then next time you see her express your gratitude, but say it's not necessary, you're confident in your abilities to budget and eat good food and you don't want her to feel she needs to keep giving you stuff.

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thinkwithyourdipstik t1_j29dt0a wrote

My girlfriend's parents are like this, they are not millionaires, but well off. I am a single man living on my own living paycheck to paycheck and my girls dad sees that (he also struggled when he was around my age). Her family ALWAYS makes extra food to send home so I have something to eat for a few days, they are just taking care of you like you were theirs, I had to get over that and realized that they were looking after me and not looking down on me.

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Think_Description_84 t1_j29v6kl wrote

Take it. Enjoy it. If you don't need it give it to someone that does and pay the kindness forward. There are plenty of those in need in the world. Never worth begrudging a kindness.

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Fudbuster2000 t1_j2b4kb7 wrote

Just accept and give any excess to your local shelter.

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No_Quiet_2741 t1_j29st27 wrote

Nah she's helping you out. She might've gotten the wrong message from your Convo, but at least you know she's caring for you. Might be embarrassing but I'd keep the food. If you don't need it all, you could also give some away to people who do need it. It's honestly a great gesture

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CretinCrowley t1_j2ajp2h wrote

I would be interested to know what brands a millionaire eats? Were there any neat foods that weren’t in the norm for someone who has a cheaper budget?

I personally would consider this a win. I’m eight months pregnant, so I am nesting and I have been trying to store up food too!

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DogThrowawaay OP t1_j2at0kc wrote

Lots of stuff from Trader Joe’s. Everything organic. Expensive cheese and herbs. Latkes (they had Hanukkah). Expensive kosher roast of some kind with otherwise normal holiday sides (nuts, potato, sweet potatoes).

Best bit is the huge specialty dessert box from a French bakery. They had three desserts, ate a few pieces, and packed up the rest.

ETA: but SHE doesn’t shop. Either her housekeeper does (who works M-F, 40ish hours a week plus holiday events as she’s Asian and has different holidays), or she has my friend or her daughter do it. She is a millionaire who won’t even put away their own food or see the inside of a grocery store.

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CretinCrowley t1_j2b8v7d wrote

WOW I can’t even imagine not shopping on my own. I’m waddling at this point and I am still going lol. Thanks for satisfying my curiosity there! I hope you have a wonderful day and idk if you’ve been on like r/frugal or r/budgetfood and r/budgetcooking are helpful! Also r/assistance as well!

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Violingirl58 t1_j2b2h47 wrote

Just tell her thank you, let it be a gift as intended. Although maybe next year, come up with some conversation ideas ahead of time lol.

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frizziefrazzle t1_j2bif7d wrote

Most of the wealthy people I know are very money conscious. They do not like to spend their money. So I would have expected her to be excited to find another way to save

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lucerogreenman t1_j2bctec wrote

This backfired successfully and I think you should milk it. Who cares.

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lucerogreenman t1_j2bcyd9 wrote

You can use that food to feed the homeless. You should do it. Good karma.

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