I have counselling for other issues, and I've discussed this matter there too. At this point it seems like the only way to resolve the issue is to talk it over with the person who is inadvertently hurting me (who I am also inadvertently hurting). But to discuss this over Christmas and New Year's is really not the right time. We've agreed to postpone talking until the new year. Coming to this agreement helps, and it brings me relief that there won't be additional pain for a while.