TIFU by ignoring my gut instinct.

Submitted by cherrytwizzler88 t3_zwntd9 in tifu

Time I FU: I met this guy almost 2 years ago. He was good-looking, and charming, and had a good job. He was smart and funny, and all-around… just too good to be true. But he was whisking me away on lavish vacations, and spoiling me and my girlfriends. We would stay up all night, talking and listening to music; I felt like I was dating my best friend. I moved in with him quickly, met his lovely children, and ignored all of the red flags.

Then I found the messages with other women on his phone, and I didn’t leave. That was FU number two. I DID leave the second time, but by then I was deeply in love, invested in our future, I had a relationship with his children, and we’d gotten a dog together 💔 that I had to leave behind.

But FU number ONE was ignoring all the red flags, like the fact that he has no friends, or the fact that his mother literally said to me that “my son has always been a little bit of a narcissist,” the first time that I met her. Or the fact that he CLEARLY favors his daughter over his son, to the point where it is noticeable. To everyone. Including his son. Or the fact that he is gluttonous af, and also, seems to have addiction issues.

And when I look back to when I first met him, almost 2 years ago now, I had a gut feeling that this guy seemed too good to be true, and I ignored it. I stifled it and shoved it down and repressed it, and allowed myself to fall in love with this person who just ended up being a massive, walking red flag.

TL:DR : I met a guy, ignored my gut instinct which was pointing to all his red flags, fell in love, and got my heart broken.

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derpiepo t1_j1vrtk4 wrote

Don't beat yourself up about it. I went through something similar and made a lot of the same mistakes of ignoring red flags and questionable moments that I KNEW were bad because the good times were so damn good. "Narcissist" gets thrown around a lot these days to describe anyone who's an asshole but it's rare that you will encounter a true, clinical one. Narcissists literally care about nobody but themselves. Any concern or whim they display for someone else is a contrivance to manipulate them into doing something they want or getting something from them. They mimic emotion and romance and tend to be very grand about it. At first it makes you feel special and loved and wooed and all that, until like you experienced, it becomes apparent that it's all bull and they're doing all of this to manipulate you.

I'm sorry you had to experience the misery that is dating a true narcissist. Mine ended four years ago and I'm still dealing with the issues it caused with my sense of self worth and judgement of character. The GOOD thing about this is now you know what to look for and you escaped without any permanent tethers to him like a child.

Good luck OP, be kind to yourself, and be glad you're free of him.

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cherrytwizzler88 OP t1_j1vt37d wrote

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your words. I hesitate to call him a full-blown narcissist bc I agree that it is thrown around far too often, but he definitely had narcissistic qualities.

I’m sorry that you had to go through something similar, but I hope you have the same optimistic outlook that I do. I’m glad to be out, and I know I deserve better, so I refuse to let him have any more control over my life and/or emotions. Cheers to you, and best of luck in your future endeavors!

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skeptic_slothtopus t1_j1w4ohi wrote

Don't be too hard on yourself, OP, so many people have at least one terrible, unequal, traumatizing relationship in their lives. I'm just about to get out of my own, and have already done a lot of the legwork. Learn from your mistakes, and watch out for red flags in the future. You know more now than you did before you met him, so use it to protect yourself.

You did nothing wrong, OP. Abusive people know how to manipulate, or they wouldn't be nearly so good at what they do. If you haven't read Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That" I would highly suggest it. If you want a copy, DM and I'll get you a link to a free download.

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TheyCallMeGilly t1_j1w2qkh wrote

It’s sad that most men claim to be “men” simply because they have a job and a house, but if you don’t have that mental side of stuff figured out, including a giant ego check, you’re a fucking child. Sorry you had to go through this, just know that there’s probably millions of others out there who were sold the same lies by a man who can’t control his own thoughts or desires.

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bros402 t1_j1wg9ix wrote

from the post title I expected a post about sharting

did not deliver

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