TIFU by "ruining" a friendship

Submitted by Wafflesfortheday t3_zmmaui in tifu

I just got home from an exhausting day, and all I wanna do is chat with some of my good friends. Our Christmas party is comin up and we discussed what we wanna wear and what we will do during the program. Some of the people that were also coming participated in our discussion.

After all of that happened, one of our friends asked us if we wanted to go out after the party since it's Christmas break after and we won't be seeing each other until the very first week of January. Most of my friends agreed. I wanted to come and bond with them too, although there was one small problem, a relative is having a birthday party and if one of us misses it, our dad would probably kill us.

After knowing about this birthday party that we have to attend, I of course told my friends that I can't come. After they read it, they instantly told me "Yea u always miss the days where we all go out, we are already used to it so we don't care." Of course it was a harsh thing to say and I felt disappointed that, that's what they felt after all these years of friendship.

Everytime they ask me out I agree and join them and sometimes I also don't because I am unavailable and I can't do anything about since it's a family gathering. Then they started throwing insults to me and I thought they were joking and all but it still hurts like a knife piercing through my trust. I mean I try to make effort everytime they ask me out on a fun day but not everytime I am available.

Now I am here worried of what will happen since our friendship is at risk and I don't want to lose them.

TL;DR - some friends asked me out for a fun day outside but I can't go with them since there is a big family gathering and now they are bad mouthing me.

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Corvus_Manufaktura t1_j0byauu wrote

I'm surprised at the amount of "TIFU" posts can be solved by "get better friends".

Seriously, if the people you consider your "friends" actively make you feel bad, they. are. not. your. friends.

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Malevolent_Mangoes t1_j0cu2xg wrote

I’m not surprised. People tend to lock themselves in relationships (of any kind) and think they can’t leave them because “we have so much history though”. They do it to themselves because they don’t want to be lonely or make a change.

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Weeb_Gurl11307 t1_j0cyb6q wrote

sometimes a story ends. Or rather needs to be put at rest. Maybe time for new history or era.

( I cut alot of shit and am so much healthier now than ever)

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wasted-degrees t1_j0bsd9u wrote

Sounds like you got shitty friends.

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DaClems t1_j0bwl2y wrote

The problem is letting family and friends guilt trip and obligate you into doing something you don't want to be doing. You make the choice of where you want to be, no one else should influence you. Fuck guilt trippers, cut them out of your life.

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blodskaal t1_j0d51kh wrote

Both sides are guilt tripping you into attending. Shitty all around. I would tell everyone to fuck right off. Do what you want to do. But your friends are shitty for putting you into a spot. Your dads shitty for not considering what you wanna do.

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Fester_The_DJ_1 t1_j0f3h80 wrote

That's somewhat like my own life, TBH. My family members have all passed away.

Friends come and go like the tide. I frequently overhear them talking about the most recent big party they attended.

Whenever I mention or ask why I wasn't invited, they play dumb, "Oh we didn't mean to do that. I may have believed it in the beginning, but not anymore.

One may expect that kind of behavior from kids, but not from SENIOR CITEZENS IN ASSITSED LIVING??!!?? I guess some people just never grow up.

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Cute_Unit_3157 t1_j0cbeey wrote

Look… it’s simple. Friends are there for you to lean on and lift up… and you for them.

If it’s that much of a problem then it’s time to let that toxicity go. Life is too short for extra drama.

Myself, I’m nice to everyone and if they need me I’m there, and if I can’t be then I can’t help it. Life truly can be a bitch, and that’s ok.

Enjoy your family time, and tell your dad to chill out… it is in fact your life. And, afterwards if you want to, go find your friends.

Or stay home and chill. There’s nothing wrong with that from time to time either.

Good luck. I take my hermitude seriously… and when I have people around I play hospitality and when they leave I play selfish hermit. I made it a point to make my house feel like a vacation spot. So, when I want to get away from the busyness of life, I go home.

Sorry, I went way off course there. I think I may have just turned into my grandpa here.

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wmpendle t1_j0bwnch wrote

Sounds like those are not real friends. A true friend does not treat you like that and would understand you will sometimes have family obligations.

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colinallbets t1_j0byltk wrote

Maybe just chill, and enjoy the time with your fam.

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warzone2god t1_j0d5ndn wrote

Sounds like you have shitty friends

Things come up, it happens

Wait until some of you are shift workers, work from home, home owners, long term gf/fiance, married, kids

Shit gets harder as you go on

I will say, if you can't this time then why not try plan a day with everyone yourself? I know you've said you try to always go but why not try arrange something and see how it turns out?

You're going to be apart for a good few weeks and honestly you're most likely all going to miss eachother and I'm sure the group chat will be going wild

I'd try to arrange something for January personally, just let them know that you just can't make it, can we do xyz in Jan when we're all back together instead, first rounds on me or something

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ResponsibleNothing10 t1_j0d67wa wrote

Can you just try to make both? It’s a bit mean of your friends but I understand that we are only seeing them in this specific light during this specific situation so I won’t judge them. I tend to hermit myself in sometimes and my friends joke that I never come out but it’s all in fun. Hope you figure this out with them. Happy holidays.

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_J_Herrmann_ t1_j0d9pto wrote

You didn't F up, you didn't ruin a friendship. As others have said, do what you want to do, with the people you choose to be with.

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ElectroStaticSpeaker t1_j0d9u4x wrote

If everything you're saying is true, then it's not going to matter if you go out with them. They'll give you the same amount of shit next time. Sounds like they're just looking for a reason to dump on you. I'd say cut your losses now and find better friends that actually like you.

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IVIitchy t1_j0d6tz0 wrote

If you're still a minor, then best to do the family thing to keep the home situation in a better state than not going. If you're an adult out on your own, then do what you want regardless of anyone trying to guilt trip you.

Honestly, if both sides were trying to guilt me (not just giving me a hard time) and the days have been rough, I would do option 3 and stay home doing nothing as I don't need family/friends doing that to me.

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Matthocleus t1_j0ddbgc wrote

Why not go out and meet up with friends after the birthday party??

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SSNs4evr t1_j0f9e68 wrote

Relationships with friends and lovers tend to ebb and flow, but when they are truely valued members of your circle, you always go back to them, and they to you. Others whom you may be friendly with, become close friends while there's commonality in your lives, schedules, or situations, then after a time you drift out of each other's lives. Sometimes friendships seem to end, over disagreements, separations, or whatever, and after some separation and quiet, things are reevaluated and people come back together - sometimes it's just over. Be a good person, live as gracefully as possible, and the great friends will always be there, in whatever variations nature works out.

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Its_Mills t1_j0fqvxd wrote

Honestly, it's totally fine if you don't go, it most likely is your friends FU. Not yours. Resolution to many of these Post are 'get better friends', with this one I can totally agree "get better friends''

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vanillashakespear t1_j0g5s49 wrote

I only wish I had such friends who would always invite me. I am the one who always invites everyone to hang out and people say no 😔

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i_need_a_username201 t1_j0glv44 wrote

If you routinely say you’re going then back out repeatedly that’s a dock move. I have a friend and i make it a point to say to his the guy if I’ve said no to him twice already. You have to put in the effort too.

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EverythngForEvery1 t1_j0hei6q wrote

Changing fam is not an option but changing your friends is.

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Crazy-Space5384 t1_j0l53oc wrote

That’s when you take the plane to Cabo to party alone.

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JanelldwLowrance t1_j0gtdn3 wrote

Good. Get new friends. If they really felt like this, they shouldn’t have communicated with you like adults.

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