mrlazyboy t1_j18g3ll wrote on December 22, 2022 at 1:03 PM

Reply to comment by za419 in TIFU by changing all of my daughter's contacts in her phone by GreenEggPage

Independent of how parents raise their children, most kids are going to try and get around their parents wishes. If you don’t believe that, I’d argue you’ve never met a child

za419 t1_j19dpin wrote on December 22, 2022 at 5:09 PM

That's absolutely true, and that's why it's pointless to try to track everything they do. It gives the kid attacker's advantage - You have to stop them from getting through in a thousand ways, they only have to catch you not defending the castle once.

Which leads us to the question of goals. Why is it that this is a war? We already know we're going to lose, so all we achieve is blundering mutual trust.

Is the goal to slow them down from getting to see what they will manage to see anyway? Because by banning it, they'll be very interested in why it's banned, and you may well get it seen even earlier by providing that incentive.

I think the goal should be raising the child to be a well-adjusted, successful adult. Unless things go very wrong, they'll spend most of their lives as adults anyway.

And to that end, I'd argue a foundation of mutual trust, based on a parent and child being willing to approach each other and trust each other with their problems, even the ones that are embarrassing or difficult to talk about.

And therefore, I'd rather teach them how to be responsible and help them learn how to navigate an internet-connected life, than to try to box them up and present myself as an obstacle to get around. Because I believe that will provide a better foundation for a parent-child relationship, and for the development of a child into a person who will outlast me.

cdm014 t1_j19xlit wrote on December 22, 2022 at 7:17 PM

The foundation of trust that she will act safely and responsibly comes from first observing her acting safely and responsibly in a controlled setting

za419 t1_j1b47ov wrote on December 23, 2022 at 12:11 AM

Your trust in her, perhaps. You should trust her anyway though - She's your daughter, you probably know her better than anyone and frankly if she's already untrustworthy by the time she's on the internet then you've either majorly screwed her up or you're being awfully bad about not letting her use a computer.

The more important trust, that you need to establish with her during the adolescent years where she's figuring out how the world works and where she fits in it, is her trust in you. That's not something that exists just because of DNA, contrary to many subpar parents expectations - It exists because you show her that she can trust you.

And again - trust is a two way street. The first step to her trusting you is you trusting her.