TIFU by agreeing to something without thinking about the potential outcome.

Submitted by Connect_Swordfish_85 t3_zyreve in tifu

So for a few months (I believe since mid September) a friend of mine(I’m female btw) I’ll call Jake has been trying to get me and his friend Noah (fake names obv) to ‘date’ and at first it was just small comments which I just laughed off (and so did Noah). But over the past few months he started pushing a bit more for example a few weeks ago he walked up to me and handed me something random and said “this is from Noah, he said he loves you” which I was stunned by ngl but I figured it was one of his tactics to get us together, and the was confirmed a few minutes later when Noah came up to me and said “what did Jake say?” To which I responded by telling him, then he said “I’m so sorry” and started trying to explain and apologize more, and I just laughed and told him it’s fine. But recently Jake has gone from jokingly asking me to date Noah to practically begging, and around the beginning of December we were working on a project for a class we share and he said “you guys are both asexual so you’re perfect for each other” (which I’m Demiromantic and pan but prefer women due to past trauma I won’t go into here) and then went into stating more reasons for why we should date and eventually I decided to agree to if he made a power point since I figured it’d get him to calm a bit which it did kinda. But now where I f’ed up was I didn’t exactly think through my not so glorious plan because he finished it a few days ago and sent me a message saying “my part of the deal is done, you must ask Noah out now.” And so I replied asking when and he said “when ever I’m around. Or not but you’ll need to have your phone recording.” Which I plan on doing since we did shake on it and I personally don’t like people who don’t keep their word, but something I thinks is worth mentioning is that I’ve never dated anyone and I’ve never asked anyone out.

TL;DR , I agreed to ask a friends friend out if he made a power point with out thinking it through and now I have to ask him after break is over.

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Comments

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kassian0x0 t1_j27ihoo wrote

The fact your friend is so pressed on making you guys date is a bit worrying. I would first ask him why it's so imperative and let him know that you are just uncomfortable with the whole thing if you dont wanna date Noah.

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Connect_Swordfish_85 OP t1_j27j4ve wrote

I’ve asked him why it’s so important to him that we date and he just said something along the lines of “I think you guys would look good together, and it’s for the boys”

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Willowshep t1_j27wduy wrote

If it’s “for the boys” then it’s probably pretty chill :) If there’s no other red flags perhaps your friend knows you guys both lack execution and a little nudge would bring y’all joy.

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kassian0x0 t1_j27n4qj wrote

Still super odd that he is pushing it on yall that strongly imo

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Karline-Industries t1_j27n0ty wrote

Also. This is ridiculous. You have no obligation to date anyone. Also. Sounds like there is a bet.

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MyTFABAccount t1_j27j2e0 wrote

You don’t actually have to do it! Tell your friend you changed your mind

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FinalPerfectZero t1_j27npsg wrote

Exactly this!

If you’re uncomfortable or don’t want to be in this situation, just excuse yourself from it.

“I will date this person. I promise.” “After some additional soul-searching, I do not wish to date this person. Therefore I will not.”

Breaking a promise? Or enforcing newly discovered boundaries?

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ShhhHesWatchingUs t1_j27kfar wrote

Did you stipulate a timeframe to your end of the deal?

Just cause you said you would, you can wait till you're 90 and still be living up to your end of the deal.

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_alaskaa t1_j27tjde wrote

No you actually don’t unless you want to.

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Aedrian87 t1_j2ahdyy wrote

You shouldn't do anything you don't want to. Kinda sucks for the guy because that promise could be misconstrued as you stringing him along instead of what it really was, you trying to let him down easy.

IMO, skipp the middleman, talk to the guy and explain how uncomfortable you feel, and that you were just trying not to be rude. If he has a bit of decency, I bet he would understand and tell the mutual friend the date was OK, but you guys were not as compatible as originally thought.

Or take the confrontational route and tell them both to stop pressing you into dating when you really don't feel drawn to doing it.

Your rights and emotional safety are important, and due to your trauma, it is best not to rush into things, but work them preferably with a therapist, until you feel better.

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