TIFU with my mom

Submitted by marijuanacandymama t3_zzhhhz in tifu

Today I fucked up because I was annoyed that my mother was late to babysit. She is always late, always has something that prevents her from being on time and today it felt like she was lying to me about why she was late. So when she called I was short with her. When she arrived at my house, she could tell something was off and asked what was up. I am 8 weeks pregnant and the hormones have me totally twisted and incredibly annoyed at everything everyone does. I snapped and said I thought she was lying to me. I said I thought she was a liar my whole life and if she lies to everyone else why wouldn't she lie to me. In hindsight I realize I shouldn't have said anything but it was too late, the dragon was unleashed. It was a pretty big blow out with me bringing up things from my childhood and more recently stuff that she has to me. (Example #1: don't be surprised if you loose the baby, you've been quite sick. Example #2 : it was your who decided to hang out with your friends before Christmas and now you all have covid so maybe you shouldn't have saw anyone) these are just two examples where I felt attacked and just given shit advice. When I told her these things, she said she must be a terrible mother and had an excuse for everything. She also brought up my brother and how it's always a competition with him. I could go on and on but I really just want advice on how to fix this with my mom. She's a good mom, who is flawed of course but still a good mom who does anything to help us out when we need her and truly cares about us. But it feels like I've been letting these issues build and build and I've never said a word so today when she asked what was up I couldn't hold back anymore. I wish I didn't even say anything because tonight when we came home she looked like she was crying all night and left really quickly. My parents and are close so this has really thrown us off and sometimes I just feel like things are better left unsaid and I just bury it deep down and maybe vent to my partner? I don't know...what should I do Reddit? How can I fix years of pent up childhood trauma and continued parental narcissism?

TLDR: I had a big fight with my mom, brought up so much childhood and recent stuff that I feel extremely guilty now and wish I hadn’t said anything. Kinda blame it on pregnant hormones but also not. How can I fix this?

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zeldaluv94 t1_j2c6bon wrote

Is it free babysitting? Please tell me you didn’t yell at your mom while she was doing you a favor.

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who-are-we-anyway t1_j2c9kra wrote

Yikes, you definitely fucked up and if this were AITA you would absolutely be the AH. First off apologize to her, and mean it. Second, unless your paying your mom to babysit you can step off your high horse and either start being grateful for how much she's doing for you or you can find another babysitter. Third, coming from someone who is currently pregnant, pregnancy hormones shouldn't make you act like that and they certainly don't justify your behavior. If you are having issues that bad you need to start therapy and/or ask about medication.

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iamandyf96 t1_j2fgql2 wrote

Also the thing she points to as evidence reflect more on OP than OPs mum.

Evidence #2 is a very valid point for a pregnant person and OPs mum probably told her not to because of the added risk of COVID. Evidence #1 sounds mean, but I think that depends on how it was said and likely is directly related to evidence #2 (i.e. mum said don't do that because you might get sick which puts your baby at risk. OP didn't listen and got sick, OPs mum was irritated at OPs attitude and that was something she had in the chamber and foolishly said something extreme).

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NnyBees t1_j2bnf6q wrote

For starters, if you need her there by 1:00 tell her 12:15.

Hormones may be why you said anything, but they didn't invent the things you remembered and brought up. You could try playing it off like "hormones have me blowing things out of proportion, but also things I didn't think bothered me apparently do."

You may need to find a way to communicate instead of bottling things up.

And yes, if you decide to go to big gatherings before traveling/holidays you are risking Christmas for a night of fun. You chose to roll the dice, don't blame your mom for pointing out a lesson that should be learned. I'm not risking my kids missing seeing the grandparents for belated Christmas by going out new years eve when we have a flight the next day.

Admit you're wrong for the things you're wrong about, apologize for how you handled things, express what you do appreciate, and propose a way you can better communicate in the future. That should help.

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marijuanacandymama OP t1_j2bp31g wrote

Appreciate your response. Thank you I will take your advice and approach her with these suggestions in mind, in a much calmer manner.

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NnyBees t1_j2bpb9g wrote

Hope it helps. Good luck with the convo, and the pregnancy.

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