TIFU by telling my girlfriend the reason why we started dating was because she scared me

Submitted by Garbageboy5011 t3_zug988 in tifu

I (22nonbinary) am very socially awkward and introverted. Like conversing with people makes my skin crawl. But I'm able to tolerate conversations with a few people, including my girlfriend (21f) and one of her friends (though mostly because the most of my conversations with her is her asking if she can take some of my money to buy snacks).

Me and my girlfriend were both talking about her relationship earlier, and she made a joke about how she only asked me out because she thought I'd be super cool and mysterious, and that it's a shame that I'm about as interesting as a puddle (which is justified), and so in response I told her that I only said yes because I was too scared not to. She asked what I meant. I get it, it sounds a little mean. I explained that I didn't really know her well when she asked me out, but I said yes anyways because I didn't have the social finesse to say no without hurting her feelings, and nothing scares me more than upsetting someone. I, at the time, assumed she'd break up with me once she realised that I'm a bit of a bore, so it didn't seem like a big deal, but I'm glad she didn't because I really like her now, and it's the best thing l've ever done out of fear. All that and a kiss on the forehead, a hair ruffle, and a smile. Our usual dance after I've complimented her. She's been really quiet since and I think I messed up.

I can imagine finding out your partner is only with you because they felt too scared to say no hurts a little, so that plus my other most recent fuck up, I think has earned her a nice dinner. Need to ask her friend for some money back tho because I'm broke as fuck.

TL;DR I told my gf that I only said yes to her when she asked me out because I was too intimidated to say no, and now she’s upset

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AquilaBravo t1_j1ixvjl wrote

Make the dinner yourself. That's hot AF. If she brings it up, tell her she made you brave, spin the story.

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golfkartinacoma t1_j1izgxc wrote

That's kind of social anxiety though. You weren't scared about her because there was something bad about her character, so you did a brave thing for you and learned something new, right? She seems to bring out a good side of you. You could tell her you're happy how you've worked out together, you value her and want to her to say around. How does that sound. Edit to add: Also it seems like part of her initial attraction to you was based on you seeming like a mysterious tough person to her, like maybe she had some fantasies about how you got some of those scars from fighting people in the street, things that might be like sappy romance novel stuff about a misunderstood protagonist tough guy. So it could be if you clash with the fantasy vibe that attracted her too much like by saying that she scared you, that kind of jolts her because she doesn't feel she's scary, and clashes with one of her fantasies for you. You are actually strong but just in your unique ways, but she has a more conservative upbringing and sees things through a little more typical lens, so if you're okay with it you could try to keep her feeling good to stoke the fires of romance. Hope this can help too.

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Seabassti0n t1_j1j832u wrote

I don't understand why she would be mad, all that matters is that you said yes and you are now in a happy relationship. Talk I guess, I find talking things out is always the best thing for me and my partner

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Garbageboy5011 OP t1_j1j9j70 wrote

Replying to Seabassti0n (#1,043,834)

I assume it’s the whole ‘I didn’t say yes because I liked you, It’s because I was scared’ thing, but yeah, I’m hoping to talk to her about it. It just helps to sweeten her up a little first so that she actually wants to listen.

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JedyKnight t1_j1jatow wrote

Tell her to read this...or just make her find this. All will be better... You can actually tell her this in her face, but i Guess its more fun if she "finds out"

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Ascan7 t1_j1jkmfx wrote

Introduce her to the term "scaroused"

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IFaceMyselfAlone t1_j1jm2ia wrote

She should be pleased. If you don't strike terror into a potential mate then you're doing it all wrong.

Also, seriously, what you said was after what she said and definitely no worse.

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cosmernaut420 t1_j1kfa70 wrote

It's not "the only reason you're with her", yeah? Presumably if you'd gone out with her and found her a repulsive bore you would've worked up the nerve to probably ghost her, and you've since found many reasons why she's worth being with, right? Maybe stop phrasing it like "the only reason I'm with you is you're scary and I said yes" and instead try "the only reason I first started dating you is you're scary and I said yes, but I'm glad I did now because it gave me the chance to discover (insert all the ways you love her and she makes you happy now)". Phrasing, bud. It always comes down to phrasing.

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Psycho_Kronos t1_j1lilm4 wrote

You have to go explain to her why you stayed. Why did you decide to stay with her? Was it her beauty, intelligence, compassion, passion, humor, charm, loyalty?

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