TIFU in giving a presentation today which was a part of my Ph.D. evaluation.

Submitted by askingrytquestions t3_ztxivy in tifu

Using a throwaway account as some of my colleagues are here.

Edit: please say something, don't just upvote. I want someone to say something to me so I could go to sleep.

I had my candidacy today and because my research hasn't been going well, I was anxious. For those who do not know, a candidacy is basically part of an evaluation process in which a Ph.D. candidate is supposed to give a presentation to his jury. This jury decides if the candidate is doing well enough and whether he/she should be allowed to continue. Pretty standard process across the globe. I do not remember me being this nervous before. So, I had my presentation ready, which was supposed to be 40 minutes. To get rid of this anxiety, I took some pills that "loosely speaking" brings me into relaxation mode. I took two of them and that too without any breakfast. This was the first time I took two of them at once on empty stomach.

These made me super calm and I almost forgot all my worries. One of those worries was finishing my presentation on time. I started presenting and forgot about the time limit. Would you believe how much extra time I took- not 5 minutes, not 10 minutes but 40 extra minutes. I was supposed to finish it in 40 minutes and ended up speaking for 40 additional minutes. I am looking back at the recording now as it was online and boy oh boy, this is embarrassing. Nobody stopped me and I had no idea of time, whatsoever.

I did pass but this is now a lifetime funny/ embarrassing memory.

I have no one around to discuss this and I do not want to, so posting here.

Tl;DR: TIFU by crossing my presentation time way above what I was supposed to

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Comments

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Embarrassed-Bus-8591 t1_j1fy4fm wrote

Commenting because you asked.

Never deviate from your normal routine during important events. Your normal routine should be enough to get you through whatever your are doing: competitions, exams, etc. if it isn’t enough, change it, but don’t change things the day of. Doing so runs the risk of introducing change that can negatively affect you. Even things like eating breakfast before your exams (when you don’t normally do so) could give you IBS or taking medication that you don’t normally use can harm your ability to focus or forget things.

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waitingonawave t1_j1fxsd1 wrote

You passed. A win is a win. I’m wondering why you would double up on your medication before a key presentation if you’d never done it before. Seems silly.

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askingrytquestions OP t1_j1fxz2x wrote

>I’m wondering why you would double up on your medication before a key presentation if you’d never done it before. Seems silly.

Anxiety makes us do silly stuff and more so the impulsive desire to get rid of it.

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mohd_sm81 t1_j1gxveu wrote

Anxiety is there for a reason... I was anxious during my defense as well, but that lead me to perform much better than I expected 😂.... again a win is a win, now you are a PhD candidate (was it the proposal you did?) don't do that during defense. In proposals they are more lenient and can give time, in defense it is strictly 45 mins or less... so good luck!

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ez_as_31416 t1_j1g3qaj wrote

Take the win.

You now have some valuable learning that will help you when you defend.

Congratulations.

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lapsangsouchogn t1_j1fyn8f wrote

They just think you were a little disorganized, and probably zoned out for a big part of it. You passed.

If they said anything it was probably that they were glad you finished because they stopped listening 10 minutes in and wanted to get to lunch.

Does anybody watch those videos? How many have you watched?

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askingrytquestions OP t1_j1fzgpb wrote

They didn't say anything except that one of the jury members remarked that this was the longest candidacy talk he has ever been to.

No one watches the video but some of my colleagues were present, so they have something funny to talk about me I guess and I am left with this embarrassing memory.

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Dinostra t1_j1hxfl3 wrote

Dude, this isn't an embarrassing memory, this is the culmination of years of studying, compiling, compartmentalizing, extrapolating, re-evaluating, refocusing, reviewing information. How do you put that into 40 minutes without having half a meltdown before. You did it, you didn't blackout and freeze, you passed, which means that you were not only coherent enough, but your presentation and subject was good enough to pass. Give yourself some credit, this is a huge thing that you nailed!

Put that notion of embarrassment away, you have 0 things to be embarrassed about. Huge congrats and good luck going forward! You got this

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stealth57 t1_j1ie77v wrote

What Dinostra said. I’d like to add if it’s still bothering you, just tell your colleges you took 2 pills to calm your nerves and it was a bit too much. Ya’ll will have a good laugh about it.

Next time, just take one and have a small breakfast.

Congratulations!!!

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NeroVol t1_j1g00pj wrote

40 mins???!!! Mine lasted at least 2 hrs, I'm surprised yours was expected to be so short. Anywho, 2x the time doesn't seem significant to me given that the expectation was that it be so short. Also, those are soft limits, usually put in place by the program to give some guidance, as long as your committee stayed engaged and didn't complain, then they were onboard with it continuing at the pace it was, but next time I would recommend not altering your state of mind with medications/substances, the risk is too great.

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askingrytquestions OP t1_j1g1cai wrote

>Mine lasted at least 2 hrs

really, was it candidacy or defence?

> , but next time I would recommend not altering your state of mind with medications/substances, the risk is too great.

yeah, some lessons learned for the long term but for the short term, I really need to get rid of this embarrassment somehow. I am constantly thinking about what others r thinking of me.

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NeroVol t1_j1g2duy wrote

Candidacy.

And I totally feel you, for the first 4 years of my thesis I had issues with worrying about others thoughts of me until an upper year student heard me talk and said to me "what makes you convinced they are spending time thinking about that aspect about you, rather than something else."

I would be willing to bet that if the professors thought anything, it was for a fleeting moment. They are in your field because they love the topic, and they are professors because they love to teach, and they are YOUR committee specifically because they like you and want to watch you grow and see who you will become. I doubt any of them are passing negative judgment about you, and if they are, they will give you constructive feedback because they want to help you and watch you grow and thrive!

Edit1: I forgot to mention, WAY TO GO ACHIEVING CANDIDACY! This is an accomplishment that only a small percentage of the world attempt and achieve. You are well on your way to adding to humanities knowledge!

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askingrytquestions OP t1_j1g49py wrote

> And I totally feel you, for the first 4 years of my thesis I had issues with worrying about others thoughts of me until an upper year student heard me talk and said to me "what makes you convinced they are spending time thinking about that aspect about you, rather than something else.

Yes, and I have started to realize that this is a recurring pattern in my behavior and in the way I carry myself in my day-to-day life.

> WAY TO GO ACHIEVING CANDIDACY

Thank you!!!!

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NintendoNoNo t1_j1gbb36 wrote

My candidacy exam was an hour. I had a half hour talk iirc, though it’s been a couple years since then so I can’t remember the exact time. The grad school told us to schedule a room for two hours, but my PI said there’s no way any busy professor wants to sit and listen to someone for more than an hour. He’s big on the idea that time is money and taking any professor away from their research is like wasting hundreds or thousands of dollars lol

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herebeweeb t1_j1g74g4 wrote

You did pass, kudos to that! Sometimes things go astray and, though we know it is not the end of the world, the feeling is still there. Anxiety sucks.

Last week I did a job interview for a substitute professor position. They asked me to prepare a 30 minutes class (lesson) to present in person to the committee. By the trainings I did at home in front of the mirror, I was doing it in exactly that time and had full control...

The interview was monday. I decided to visit my mother during the weekend and forgot my anti-depressants. Sunday comes, I get a bus at 22, arrive at the city where the interview would be held at 03 and stood there, chit chatting at the bus station with a local worker until the appointed time, at 10. I was tired, sleep deprived and highly anxious. I spoke so fast during the lesson that I presented it in 15 minutes. I feel that I was all over the place and did no logical connection between the topics. Very poor performance overall, as logical sequence of the lesson and time management were the main things being evaluated.

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askingrytquestions OP t1_j1gcpuc wrote

I hear you and can obviously reciprocate. Wish u all the luck in the future.

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alaveria t1_j1g0oxd wrote

It’s really not as bad as it feels! i’d just think you had a lot to say about your research and there’s nothing wrong with that. They could have stopped you at any time.

In a while you’ll see it as a funny story! I doubt anyone will even think about it tomorrow. They’re not worrying about it so you don’t need to either. Also you passed, which it great! well done

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Organic_Evidence6588 t1_j1g92e4 wrote

Haha perfect, your story was so good they did not want it to end. Congrats!

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LC_Anderton t1_j1gzjwb wrote

My wife once gave a presentation of her PhD research at a major convention. She was really nervous but her professors thought it would be good for her to do it and it was her work so she should be recognised for it.

On the day, she was worried that me being in the auditorium would make her too nervous, so I said I’d wait outside… and I genuinely intended too… but just before her presentation, I snuck in at the back of auditorium.

It was huge (to me anyway)… and packed with 300+ people, mostly scientists, professors, other PhD’s… and the grunt squaddie at the back…

There was a giant screen behind her, and they gave her a laser pointer to indicate the points on screen she was talking about… now she’d never used a laser pointer before… so instead of “on/off”, she just kept it “on” the whole time.

Being at the back and hence at the top of the auditorium, I can see the whole show, and I notice every time she turned, to the screen or back to the audience, the front row instinctively started ducking or bobbing their heads in a mini ‘Mexican wave’ motion… it was only after this happened a few times I realised every time she turned, she was sweeping the laser across the eyes of everyone in the front row… but she was so focussed on her presentation she didn’t notice.

Anyway, she received huge applause from the audience (so I’m guessing that means it was good even though I didn’t understand a word of it 😏)… and no lasting harm done… almost… except 30 years later I still remind her of the time she “blinded” the most senior faculty members at one of the world’s most prestigious universities 😂

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DJFM_AZ t1_j1g2v7y wrote

Twenty years from now no one will know this story. Others will be Dr. Askingrytquestions for help and never know this happened. Congrats!

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euph_22 t1_j1g6gk4 wrote

90% of academia would talk forever about their field(s) of expertise if they lost track of time. Don't repeat the mistake and nobody will give it a second thought.

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Fancy_Split_2396 t1_j1ghfxm wrote

Going on for longer than you were supposed to and keeping them engaged enough to not cut you short probably reassured them of your competency. Take the win.

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MollyGodiva t1_j1ghoss wrote

If they really wanted you to stop they would have asked you to hurry it more.

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AcrobaticSource3 t1_j1gmuwc wrote

Is candidacy like the dissertation defense, except earlier in the process, before you’re done?

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binga001 t1_j1gq98q wrote

Yup its like mini defense. OP likely messed up due to anxiety but usually anxious people finish it way earlier than expected-see what I did there?

This is a rare case.

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Harry_Gorilla t1_j1gvccd wrote

You broke the rules and still passed. How many of those pills do you plan to take for your next presentation?

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askingrytquestions OP t1_j1gvifo wrote

>How many of those pills do you plan to take for your next presentation

wise men don't repeat their mistakes, they make newer ones.

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FrankenPaul t1_j1h4c4j wrote

Learn from this situation. Be grateful that you passed. However, ensure that you are kind to yourself and work on your well-being minus any medication to help you get through tough times.

Focus on techniques that improve your well-being. E.g. box breathing, a walk outdoors or meditation.

When you have important tasks or duties, reassure yourself by speaking to yourself. E.g "nothing in life is permanent, this feeling I have right now will pass, and I will feel better."

FYI, I am a scientist with a PhD. Had a lot of life experience - just sharing some pearls of wisdom.

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askingrytquestions OP t1_j1jltlb wrote

thank u! I m also a STEM grad.

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FrankenPaul t1_j1ld07m wrote

Glad to motivate and guide. Ah ok. What is your area of research interest and PhD topic?

Embrace every moment and opportunity and work towards achieving your professional dreams. Build different networks and mingle with the right people - this is how good opportunities are presented.

Glad to DM if you like. Happy holidays!

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onynixia t1_j1h58jg wrote

A percular question came to mind that was answered unknowingly as I finished reading this.

How high is too high?

Well...this...

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TheInfamousDaikken t1_j1ir2lt wrote

You accomplished the objective. You passed the candidacy. Let the rest go. It’s not worth the energy to regret it or be embarrassed by it.

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JJohnston015 t1_j1gcxiw wrote

No way your colleagues won't recognize this, even with a throwaway account.

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padsley t1_j1ggir3 wrote

We'd have cut you off, tbqh.

Were you getting questions as you went along? For us the question session takes as long as it takes so if people are asking questions during the talk we usually just extend the length of the talk. Even so, we cut people off or encourage them to finish if they are just keeping talking.

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askingrytquestions OP t1_j1ghqr4 wrote

>We'd have cut you off, tbqh

Wish someone had done that.

>Were you getting questions as you went along

Nopes but after the presentation, the Q&A went for around 35-40minutes too, that went well though.

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padsley t1_j1gibby wrote

Huh. Well, glad it was successful. Remember that the committee/jury generally want you to be successful so don't stress about it too much. We (as a committee member on a few of them) are checking that you are making progress and seem to know what you're doing. In the past we've ended up giving homework to students who couldn't answer certain things but we're not going to fail them for that sort of mistake.

So... Don't stress too much about it. It's important but not enough for you to be anxious. :) Easier said than done, of course.

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dutchdoomsday t1_j1h10wx wrote

"I did pass" nuff said. Nothing to worry about then. Hiring parties look at your experience and credentials, not your scores or how long you took for a presentation. Besides, have you seen the stuff people do on here that dont embarass them? The only reason your story is even close to a ballpark of embarassing would be because meds were involved, and i can even top that story with a colleague that defended his thesis while on cocaïne. Je was done 10 minutes earlier than expected.

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Prudent_Astronomer_4 t1_j1hsdfp wrote

Congratulations. When you're a Dr. You can look back and laugh. Good luck with the next phase of your research!

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Squigglepig52 t1_j1i2p1c wrote

Could be worse.

I passed out in a job interview once, because I ate something I shouldn't have, the night before.

A gram of hash. I ate a gram of hash the night before.

Still got the job, oddly.

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