TIFU by sleeping with a friend. And I mean just sleeping

Submitted by PassengerNumerous607 t3_ztcsou in tifu

TIFU by sleeping with my friend. And I mean just sleeping

On a throwaway, we’re gonna call my friend and coworker John. John has been single for a while and his family is always trying to set him up with girls, so when I met his family recently, they asked about me and wanted to set him up. We’re close so John told me about everything they said. It became a running joke. We work together as well and work very well together, like he’s the one I turn to for everything. I am his trainer and lead at our one job, and he’s my trainer and lead at our other job (we both started at the same level initially).

At his family’s holiday party, we all had drinks and John slowly became more touchy with me, putting his hand on my thigh during card games (we sat in the same chair) or around my shoulder. I didn’t feel uncomfortable and was receptive to this. I think it was the booze bc we’re both usually very uncomfortable w physicality).

His mother invited me to stay the night. John is a lean person and got a little bit too drunk and went to bed. With no nefarious intention, I checked on him a couple times between card games with his family. I went down the first time to put him in recovery position and shove pillows behind his back so if he threw up, he wouldn’t choke on it. I went to check again to make sure he hadn’t thrown up in his bed and the third time, I brought a bowl. He never threw up

By the third checkup, he invited me to watch a movie. I was pretty drunk, but it was a good movie, so I obliged. So we watch the movie and he invited me to stay in the bed with him, at least during the movie. This may sound creepy to some readers, but we’ve done this before while watching movies and I’ve never felt uncomfortable. It is not uncommon for me to hang out or sleep in beds with friends and 90% of my friends are males so I’m used to doing the whole thing of building a pillow wall if we do plan on going to sleep.

I was falling asleep and he had a full bed so the pillow wall was kind of pushing me off the bed so i got rid of it. We woke up cuddling and neither of us thought twice about it and leaned into it. I wake up a lot through the night so every time I woke up we were cuddling or he was rubbing my back and stuff like that. Didn’t think twice about it as I’m comfortable w h him and would’ve protested if I felt uncomfortable w this.

I didn’t realize till around 10 AM when he fully got out of bed that like holy shit, what did we do? it’s not the most intimate of actions but we both are not people that are casual with platonic touch and we spent the entire night cuddling. That’s something that’s extremely intimate for both of us and I know this because we’ve talked about it before.

I talk to him about it in the morning and he doesn’t even remember inviting me in his bed to watch a movie. We acknowledged that we came to and cuddled throughout the night, but we were both hungover as shit and agreed to talk about it when were not sick. I feel really fucking icky. I laid up with this man when he wasn’t cognizant, he woke up confused w a woman in his bed, not remembering anything. I feel so predatory and terrible. I am so afraid that I compromised any professional relationship we have. Im even more upset w myself that I could potentially have ruined our friendship. I am pissed at myself and ashamed for putting him in a uncomfortable position and for violating him.

He asked me if we could go to lunch today. Edit/to talk about it

TL;DR - coworker/close friend and I slept in the same bed and woke up cuddling, i fucked up because he was more drunk than me and doesn’t remember inviting me into his bed

Edit 2: I know this sounds so juvenile but we’re both averse to touch, we don’t even hug

Edit: I posted an update into the comments because it wont update here. Had a weird late night text w him a couple min ago too

Edit: if anyone still gives a shit, he said a bit ago that if we ended up in the same situation, he wouldn’t exactly mind and may actually be happy to have a casual night together again

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Comments

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dai-the-flu t1_j1d0kv4 wrote

You took care of a drunk friend while also drunk(which more people should do), watched a movie, and only woke up cuddling. The fact that you work together is a bit weird, but it’s not like you tried to assault him. You’re overthinking it a bit. Just talk to him and establish some boundaries for next time.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1dydst wrote

Oh I didn’t think twice about taking care of a drunk friend, living in college dorms does that to ya

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Illumini24 t1_j1d73g8 wrote

Based on your story, you guys like each other, and just haven't realized it properly yet. You are really great friends and apparently have some physical connection as well, so I say go for it.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1dyh32 wrote

Well I just recently had a bad breakup that he had to endure weeks of me bitching about, it could be misplaced feelings on my part

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[deleted] t1_j1e6irl wrote

Yeah all of us in the comments are rooting for y’all. If you guys aren’t touchy feely and ended up cuddling and enjoyed it, y’all like each other.

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kgfan24 t1_j1fb3c0 wrote

Whatever you choose with this guy, we all hope it works out! And like others said, you didn’t do anything wrong, you were there for a friend and two single people got a tiny tiny bit physical, totally okay. Might you have extra-curricular feelings for this person?

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yumirow t1_j1faw1o wrote

Lust isn't love. They sure like each others company, but I would still suggest for them to take their time if they feel like it

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buwefy t1_j1g6nol wrote

And so what, if it's misplaced feeling? all this superficial knowledge of psychology is ruining generations of people - just enjoy the moment and see what happens, seems you're both nice, respectful people, no need to always double guess everything :)

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1gewfy wrote

I would but I’m not ready for commitment and he’s not someone that will ever do anything casual, plus our work relationship and friendship is too valuable in my mind to risk things going sideways

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captnspock t1_j1d8s9y wrote

Sounds like the fuck up was not fucking.

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buwefy t1_j1g6tot wrote

Listen to this one... just at it like animals "no one dies wishing they had less sex" ;)

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Barcata t1_j1d2eom wrote

Your feelings are completely valid.

However, you're totally fine. This is very mild as far as general interactions go between drunk people.

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LessRemoved t1_j1d6xmb wrote

Sounds like both of you have the same unspoken feelings. Why not set boundaries and explore it together?

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1f2dlt wrote

I’m not even remotely ready to be in a relationship again and he is very much not looking for casual, he’s never liked casual flings

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LessRemoved t1_j1f4a59 wrote

Well if that's how you truly feel (which i have my thoughts about) then a good talk and setting of boundaries are in order.

And you are sure you've not reached the point of moving on yet? No pressure but gut instinct is telling me otherwise 😇

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1f7n5d wrote

I mean I’m over my ex in the way that I have closure and I no longer Pine for him like if he asked to get back together I wouldn’t even consider it, that’s saying a lot because I would take him back in a heartbeat a couple months ago. I have had sex a couple times with one person since the relationship and I’m definitely ready sexually to explore new people, however I am not over how my ex broke my trust and became a completely different person before ghosting me all together. The way I feel is this is the second time I Heartbreakers end it in a way that I was left extremely confused and devastated and they were the two closest relationships I’ve had, so if someone that I was able to love and trust more than anybody can betray me, then like it’s gonna take me a while to be able to trust again

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LessRemoved t1_j1fflh0 wrote

I hear what you say, thank you for being open and honest. When someone breaks trust towards/between two people it always has risidual effects.

I get the feeling that there's a little voice telling you it's your own fault, but it isn't. And youre fully ware that what one man does another very likely will not.

Don't let the bad experiences with your ex overshadow opportunitys of the here and now or tomorrow.

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Psaterz t1_j1d0msk wrote

He probably lied about not remembering because you started being weird about it. Sounds like if you want things to stay the same, leave it alone and continue as you have been. If you liked it and would like more from him, tell him or ask him out.

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crazyhopelessguy t1_j1d7265 wrote

I hope you get together. Those cheesy hallmark movies are my dirty little seceret and this sounds kinda like one!

Honestly though if you work well together why don't you date? Imagine the rent you would save if you lived together. Having a built in DD is really nice. If you work together you would save on gas. Also imagine all the movie watching you could do. Movie watching alone is ok but it's better with someone else.

You would have someone who couldn't just leave when you told a bad joke or had a really stinky fact. He could make you soup when your sick.

Saying all that you should just get married already! Lol

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Critical-Echo-923 t1_j1d8w38 wrote

its like: if you come to reddit with this kind of stuff then expect people to want you to hook up

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1dynz2 wrote

Lmao see: this entire comment section

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crazyhopelessguy t1_j1ekpjc wrote

I need closure on how you're meeting with him went!

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1eksrb wrote

In my car rn, he hasn’t brought anything up yet

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crazyhopelessguy t1_j1el1ih wrote

Why don't you bring it up. It's not traditional for the woman to kinda start the relationship but it would make a better movie, lol.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1elihv wrote

I normally would but I’m the one who initiated the initial conversation and he was pretty caught off guard so I’m going to let him open up when he’s comfortable. We’re on our way to the dump to empty my pickup

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-Chris-V- t1_j1dqzzf wrote

If she were the guy in this situation, it wouldn't be discussed as if it were a Hallmark movie.

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crazyhopelessguy t1_j1dxujk wrote

Not necessarily. There are guys out there that respect boundaries. It's hard when all you read here are stories of how guys take advantage of women.

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-Chris-V- t1_j1dyyyo wrote

I 100% agree that not all guys are jerks and that it's completely possible for a person of any gender to be good or evil. But, the jury of reddit would deliver swift judgement to a guy in the same situation.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1dypjc wrote

That’s my thoughts. I’m worried I crossed a line

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-Chris-V- t1_j1e0g4t wrote

I feel like maybe this situation could be an opportunity to think carefully about where the line actually is. You have had a new experience and we all revise our perspectives when we gain experience. I used to think this was growing up, but now I realize it's just how life works.

Of course you were not evil. But it would be pretty miserable for you to not grow from this, and learn that situations like this one are extremely nuanced and not at all as black and white as people insist that they are.

A commenter below pointed out that 20 years ago this would not even be a discussion. That was obviously a problem back then. The pendulum has swung the other way. Perhaps if there were a middle ground things would be better for everyone.

You crossed a line if you decide that, even with new information, you are holding firm on the position of the line.

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santac45 t1_j1czoyv wrote

You're good, doesn't seem like any boundaries were crossed.

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plaaplaaplaaplaa t1_j1d9kc1 wrote

Even though you think that boundaries were not crossed the story doesn’t say so. If they both feel like they need to talk about it then it is clear that some boundary was crossed.

Often it is easier to think about this when you reverse roles, most people have gender bias. So a woman woke up at morning having her co-worker in her bed cudling her and she doesn’t even remember inviting him to the bed. Does it now sound like boundary crossing for you?

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Reddit-username_here t1_j1dfl19 wrote

>So a woman woke up at morning having her co-worker and really close friend in her bed cudling her after a night full of consensual flirting and touching and she doesn’t even remember inviting him to the bed

No. No boundaries were crossed.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1dkdzl wrote

If the roles were reversed, I’d feel like a boundary was crossed, I think that’s probably why I’m a bit freaked out and feeling guilty

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Reddit-username_here t1_j1dm4bd wrote

No boundaries were crossed either way. No one was raped. Just two drunk friends of different sexes doing what drunk people of different sexes have been doing for millennia.

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plaaplaaplaaplaa t1_j1dmjfg wrote

You have very weird thoughts about boundaries? No rape? Ah, so fondling the boobs is also not crossing boundaries with your fucking logic..

Edit: Definition of a boundary is that someones personal space was violated in a way he/she was not concenting.

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Reddit-username_here t1_j1drdqf wrote

No it wouldn't have been. They were rubbing on each other all night and it seems she would've been receptive to some boob fondling.

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plaaplaaplaaplaa t1_j1dvth9 wrote

Gender bias is strong with this one. This man’s space was clearly violated even if you read the whole story. You need to understand that the story in itself clearly shows that he felt uncomfortable. Probably no damage was done and they may end up together. But do not think that there was no crossings of boundaries here.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1dyz0u wrote

You guys are at either end of the spectrum. There is fluidity with physical touch when it comes to consent, it’s part of the reason I posted this. I can’t figure my way out of the gray area. The OG commenter was right in that it seemed relatively mutual at surface level, you’re right in that there is a gender bias and the comment section may be different if roles were reversed.

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Noidremained t1_j1dq1i4 wrote

you can feel like your boundaries were crossed even though you were less drunk than him

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Omnizoom t1_j1de19i wrote

Did you try to have sex with him? Force yourself on him? Do any crappy behaviour? No

You took care of a drunk friend , and you ended up cuddling together , if you both are very adamantly against being touchy with people and this is someone you both don’t feel that barrier with maybe you should put some consideration into that when going to talk about it over lunch

Overall I’d say your fine , maybe you both subconsciously have feelings for each other but are both too oblivious or unable to understand those feelings

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justl00kingthrowaway t1_j1d6e80 wrote

Thank God for tdlr because I didn't have to waste my time reading an anticlimactic TIFU.

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thisisfakereality t1_j1ddp81 wrote

This is what’s wrong with this generation’s fixation on consent. Nothing you did was wrong. It’s not like you assaulted him in any way. My guess is you both kind of like each other and the alcohol took away the inhibition. Nbd

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aoechamp t1_j1diqnu wrote

This is some highschool level shit. They were both drunk, they both had a good time, they both seem to be into each other. It’s not rocket science

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1dk43j wrote

Honestly these replies make me feel like I’m in middle school again lmaoooo. I think it’s because I’m very weird about touch when it’s not in a sexual manner (like i have trouble w hugging friends) and he’s also an awkward dude.

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[deleted] t1_j1dl7rm wrote

[deleted]

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thisisfakereality t1_j1dnj29 wrote

I was trying to be empathetic by telling her what happened was nbd and’s not to beat herself up. 20 years ago, a woman would never have questioned this whole line of behavior. Now, because everyone’s hypersensitive about everything, you’re subject to judgement for being a normal human.

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-Chris-V- t1_j1drv4e wrote

Her options are essentially to give herself a pass and adhere to 20 years ago standards when it's HER who is making advanced without consent, or hold herself to the same standards she would hold a man to today.

If nothing else, I hope it's an opportunity for her to reflect on the past and current definitions of consent and introspect a bit on how well her actual values and actions align with modern or past values.

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thisisfakereality t1_j1e83tc wrote

This is exactly what I’m talking about - this complete bs. She did nothing wrong. If she had as much as kissed him, I might tend to agree. “Cuddling,” especially when they’ve done it before, is literally nothing, and doesn’t require reflection.

If anything in this story requires reflection, it’s the amount of alcohol each person induced.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1dzag1 wrote

Hi, yes that’s what I find troubling and question about this situation. Thank you for pointing out what I was trying to gauge with this post, rather than other commenters who are like “just fuck already”

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1f1y7j wrote

Wouldn’t let me update so here’s it in a comment

TL;DR FOR THE UPDATE BELOW: pretty anti-climactic we asked at our feelings and didn’t say anything to her directly but agreed that we both enjoyed ourselves and that it was very intimate and that we’re good

Update for those who asked: he bought me lunch and we sat in my truck eating, just shooting the shit like we normally do and I asked him to come to the dump with me because I could tell he was stalling and also needed help at the dump lol.

Some one here asked why I didn’t initiate the conversation, because I did the first time around and he wasn’t ready to talk about it and so I let him take his time.

eventually on the way back from the dump he kind of just was like “so… What’s up?” And I was like “well I’ve said my peace and you needed some time for the dust to settle” so then I let the silence go on for a little bit waiting to see if he can come up with some thing and I could tell he was struggling so I told him something true, but not necessarily some thing you need to say, just to kind of warm him up and what I said was “I’ll be be honest, when it comes down to brass tacks it was a really nice night it’s very nice to be held by another person that you trust and respect.” He agreed and was like “is there something going on is what I’m trying to figure out?” And I told him I honestly didn’t really know, like objectively he’s attractive but I did go through a break up that he knows about and so I tend to do stupid shit after a break up and I cited a guy that I was seeing casually that I jumped into a little too quick and I realize we are in a match and I had to awkwardly break that off. He knows about this guy and my qualms.

We parked and kind of just went back-and-forth about how we feel, I started with that no matter which way either of us is leaning, we both know that this would be a risk and I’m not willing to compromise for a friendship or working relationship cause you’re both really good. I told him that I’m not really sure it’s a tossup if I feel anything and even then I don’t trust my own emotions right now as I’m in a vulnerable place, he said there wasn’t really necessarily something going on with him but it also wasn’t necessarily something not going on with him if that makes sense? I apologized again and told him I’m sorry that I did that and he pretty much said it was mutual like I might’ve just been feeling that way because I felt weird and didn’t know what to make of the situation it was freaking out and not thinking logically

I mentioned that we’re both in our mid 20s and maybe it’s a little juvenile for me to be so worked up about this but our feelings are valid we both felt weird and didn’t know how to handle what was otherwise a good night, so obviously something was up. His discomfort was the same as mine, we woke up and we were cuddling and we were kind of just like what the fuck is happening. He doesn’t remember going to sleep whereas I remember watching the movie and falling asleep however he does vaguely remember at the very least inviting me to watch the movie in his bed. He said he didn’t have problems and I didn’t need to apologize because I was drunk and when he sobered up, he didn’t kick me out and wanted to continue to cuddle but admitted that we might’ve been making a big deal out of it cause it was very intimate and sexually charged at times but we agreed like let’s stop freaking out let’s let the dust settle we didn’t fuck everything‘s gonna be fine we just need to reign ourselves in a little bit.

Dealing with his mom really him is a whole Nother issue and I don’t I’m not gonna be subject to that thank God 😂 I can’t wait to hear what awkward questions she asks him

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crazyhopelessguy t1_j1f4pqw wrote

This is so frigging cute. Obviously you like eachother. But you are close so taking it slow is a good idea. Why don't you go on a couple of romantic "disney" dates. You know you spend time together but nothing sexual happens.

Sex is what defines a mature relationship. I mean you can be friends and share stories and secrets like you were dating but you may not be.

Obviously this guy doesn't want that feeling yet and wants to sip at the sweet nector of young innocent love a bit more before moving onto a sexual relationship, if that ever happens.

If you like him lead him down the path, hang out with him date him just don't fuck him yet.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1f6sfy wrote

So I would be fine with doing something like that, however I’m absolutely nowhere ready to do that and most of my relationships end pretty catastrophically, I haven’t figured myself out enough to hold it down, no matter how slow I go with someone or how mature and communicative I try to be with some And a matter how deeper connection is. If there are feelings there that I’m not recognizing yet, I am going to try not to act on them, we work together at two different jobs and I really don’t want to put that working relationship in jeopardy. I also don’t think we would be sexually compatible, he’s very reserved and even talks about sex in a way that cracks me up like he’s very matter-of-fact and alludes to stuff but never directly says it where I am vulgar and love it dirty

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crazyhopelessguy t1_j1fi9ks wrote

Oh well I guess you can wait and Maybe the timing will be right I the future.

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BartlebySanchez t1_j1dtpua wrote

Maybe you two could, I don’t know, swap juice boxes at recess, If you want to become the talk of the playground, that is... “John and PassengerNumerous sittin’ in a tree...”

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thewebspinner t1_j1dk7jt wrote

When I was 19 I stayed at a colleagues house, got drunk and woke up in the middle of the night with her dry humping my leg in her sleep.

I think you'll get over this.

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YT-Basilisk t1_j1e6mvw wrote

So you gonna marry now or what?

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Electronic-Most-9285 t1_j1eaj19 wrote

Hahaha. As nice as these 2 sound they seem a bit too high strung.....but thats the logical conclusion right.

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YT-Basilisk t1_j1em37v wrote

I mean if they already gone this "far" and are still comfortable around each other.. Why not? Haha

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RUNdoneDIDit t1_j1e7ql7 wrote

I don't see a single issue or problem here. Yall weren't both naked right? Then no biggie, keep it moving with life.

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Father_Matthew_Mara t1_j1dosen wrote

Sorry why aren't you dating John?

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Itirpon t1_j1e4zg8 wrote

Dating is for people looking to hump. They're already closer than that. Why move backward?

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man-of-candy t1_j1e6p3b wrote

I think a lot of people would be happy to hear they just cuddled after a drunken night than things going further. Pretty sure you're in the clear, since you both seem pretty ok with everything

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luke_530 t1_j1flxaa wrote

Wow dude. Take it down a few notches. It sounds like the lines of communication are clearly open. You feel "predatory", really? This doesn't need to be a bigger deal than what it is, which is nothing. Lil drink cuddle/ intimacy never killed anyone

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1fm47d wrote

I’ve been groped twice during what you would consider innocent cuddling so I’m kind of sensitive to it, it didn’t pan out anything bad and we’re good now we are talk just understand that not everyone sees everything is so innocuous

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luke_530 t1_j1jsqlq wrote

Agreed, I should have worded or different, but ya I can def see it from your perspective.

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ih8um t1_j1dmp2y wrote

Ask if you can suck his dick. This will get things going in the right direction.

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-Chris-V- t1_j1dqpsw wrote

I realize that I'm the outlier here, but honestly, I think it's pretty hypocritical to take a free pass in this situation.

Although historically the answer would have been to shrug it off and say "meh, two adults had a few drinks, things went places nobody planned for, but oh well, no biggie, we probably would have ended up dating or something anyway. There must have been some underlying chemistry." -- the current standards of consent in our society have no room for this kind of situation.

If the tables were turned, I suspect you would be losing your mind.

I don't think it's okay to have it both ways. Hold yourself to the same ethical standards you would hold a man to, even if strangers on the internet say it's no big deal.

If your take on this is to shrug your shoulders, say "meh, two adults had a few drinks, things went places nobody planned for, but oh well, no biggie, we probably would have ended up dating or something anyway. There must have been some underlying chemistry." Then it might just be time to revise your sense of ethics to better align with your actions.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1dzo1v wrote

I think I replied to you before, but that is the purpose of this post. I am trying to work through whether or not I crossed a line or I’m over reacting, since things like cuddling or hugging can seem so inconsequential and juvenile to people. I felt I crossed a line and wanted other opinions so thank you for that perspective. We’re having lunch at his request in about an hour so we’ll see.

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-Chris-V- t1_j1e12r5 wrote

I hope it goes well, and that this is an opportunity for growth. I feel like you're on the cusp of personally getting past some complicated issues we're grappling with in our society. I wish you well.

For what it's worth, even though it's not the right subreddit to say so, my vote is NTA.

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-Chris-V- t1_j1hmvr4 wrote

So, how was lunch?

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1hyea3 wrote

my comment about lunch. Not much happened. I’m lazy and don’t feel like editing anything anymore so you got good timing and I’ll tell u what was said via text last night. He said “idk how or why it would, but if it happened again i would not complain”

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-Chris-V- t1_j1i1isz wrote

Sounds like maybe in January you should offer to buy this guy a beer (jk, lol, maybe a non alcohol related date that's deliberately a date).

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KGrizzle88 t1_j1dy6be wrote

We need an update. Following for and edit update. I think it will all work out in the end

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IanFoxOfficial t1_j1eiz4v wrote

I really don't see the fuckup.

Nothing happened.

The alcohol made you both loose, and even then nothing happened.

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guy30000 t1_j1fkags wrote

There's it's nothing wrong or really abnormal here.

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buwefy t1_j1g6ckc wrote

seems you're into each other... not everything is predatory or rape (I assume you're from the US, all the craziest ways to fuck up sanity come from there) - seems also a good friendship, might become more... maybe enjoy without double guessing everything and looking for the worst possible label for something actually innocent?
Best of luck :)

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chee_burger t1_j1gp5fm wrote

This honestly does not sound half as dramatic as the op makes it

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1gz5bb wrote

Now that the dust has settled, I can see how it may seem like that. If really isn’t that serious, but try to put yourself in my shoes and think about how devastating it could be for one stupid action to cost you a close friendship as well as professional relationship. I was freaking out, I value both relationships way too much

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chee_burger t1_j1h4ha0 wrote

I'm glad it worked out for you. But yeah, I still don't find it a big deal. Also sleeping together with anyone no matter how good a friend you are is never a good idea. Even if there's nothing sexual happening. It's trouble waiting to happen

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Seth_Imperator t1_j1dcstd wrote

That family must have been grooming you playing cars games xD

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1f3g3z wrote

He told me his mom kept coming up and whispering like “she fits in so well” since it was my first time meeting most of the family there. I’m boisterous as fuck so parents tend to enjoy the fact that I don’t shy away from conversation

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Robknobby t1_j1dl3uk wrote

I think you should stop feeling guilt and recognize they maybe,just maybe you 2 have feelings towards each other and this could become a great relationship…just be able to separate work n home..

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shyLachi t1_j1dpqsu wrote

I believe it is important to talk about it without considering any guilt.

What did he feel? what did you feel?

How does he want to continue? How do you want to continue?

1

Cute_Unit_3157 t1_j1dueey wrote

It happens. Identify it, acknowledge it, and move on. Your coworker boy toy will concur.

1

pogiguy2020 t1_j1ewxli wrote

I think you are over thinking it all. It happened yes, but it was cuddling not full on sex.

You could both just come to the same understanding that it happened and leave it at that and nothing more.

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gem_city t1_j1exdr4 wrote

Man wth did I just read… I get having opposite gendered friends but if I had a gf that told me she slept in other guys bed with them, went to their family dinners while they were passed out drunk, and not to mention the cuddling???? Man I don’t even know what to think after this story, you’ve confused the piss out of me

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1f71sk wrote

So I’m not doing that shit when I’m in a relationship, this is a close friend and I don’t know if that’s how I am as a person or of the area I live in, but pretty common for us, like my boss is one of my closest friends, I know his wife and kid, I take care of his dogs, he let me his truck for vacation and like I spent holidays with them, same goes for my other best friend and the only reason I haven’t met his family is because they live in Florida. There are very few people in a few circumstances where I would share a bed with them but they come up, i’ve never had many girlfriends but when I do this is a commonality so I’m not treating my opposite gender friends any different, the situation is a little unique though because there’s obviously something weird going on here

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gem_city t1_j1f7oya wrote

Right right to each their own I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything. I personally just don’t know how I would receive this as a potential boyfriend. Maybe I should be more open minded idk but just seems like I would have chose couch or floor before sharing a bed with the opposite gender. Either way, yes there is something odd going on and it seems like a time will tell situation.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1fd1m2 wrote

Yeah no you’re absolutely right, it does make dating new people a little bit weird because all my friends are men. However, usually I will stay on the couch, only in certain circumstances will I not. For example, when my friend moved in with new roommates, a bunch of people sit over after a party on the couch and I didn’t feel comfortable with sleeping with strangers, so we made a pillow wall and I slept in my friends bed for his offer.

Honestly the more I analyze the situation, the more I realize that somethings amiss, the more we all got goofy and drunk with his family, more touchy he was in the more flirty we were and he was definitely getting close to my face while talking to me, I think drunk me got the offer to watch a movie in his bed which is much more common amongst friends, and when the offer came that I could stay in the bed I was like sure

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gem_city t1_j1fejuf wrote

Sounds like you need to figure out what you want at this point. I read you just got through a breakup, I’m in a similar situation and I don’t think I’m mentally or physically prepared to give my all to someone. But fuck it sucks being alone.

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1ffbnh wrote

I feel you, let’s break up as one of the few times in my life I did feel lonely and god what a terrible feeling, specially shitty if you’re used to being alone most times like usually I love my independence but God does it suck after a break up and that’s the first thing I think about when I get to a relationship like God if this doesn’t work out it’s gonna suck so bad

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gem_city t1_j1fgsum wrote

Yeah I spent wayyy too much time with my ex daily that just existing after that sucked for a while. And I think for guys it gets worse exponentially before it gets better. I feel you, I don’t think I can handle another breakup. The next one better be my wife

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Qbjik t1_j1fhk4g wrote

There are guys out there that get less attention from their gfs/wives than your friend from you (talking about checking on while being drunk)

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1fis5b wrote

To be fair, a lot of times when you’re dating someone for a while, you know what it’s gonna look like to indicate that they’re getting sick, I’ve never seen John The‘s truck so it had me a little worried

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Worth-Ad2558 t1_j1g14n7 wrote

Just fuck and get it over with

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ogpharmtech t1_j1gek5b wrote

He's probably lying about not remembering because you got freaked out.

Vibes this goes well

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PassengerNumerous607 OP t1_j1getjt wrote

Our talk went well, he still maintains that he doesn’t remember going to bed, I detailed the talk in a comment somewhere in this thread, big ole wall of text

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ooglieguy0211 t1_j1ggcjm wrote

It sounds like with lowered inhibitions due to drinking, you both allowed yourselves to have some non-sexual intimate contact with another human being. Its only as weird as you two make it. Its okay to have physical contact sometimes with someone, without the need to have sex with them.

I'm not sure, but it sounds like you were both clothed all night so thats a pretty good indicator that there wasn't an overt sexual attempt on either part, since that's not what you guys currently, if ever want. Its also okay that you took care to make sure he was okay after being so drunk, he is your friend after all.

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kevinsju t1_j1fpbes wrote

Jesus Christ

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theslump_bob t1_j1d98qx wrote

The literal definition of just a friend, no wonder male friends don’t work, who tf sleeps in the same bed with friends 💀💀 probably had sex and won’t tell us the full story, wtf is wrong with women

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