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AndyZep t1_j5r8mgi wrote

The only answer to the actual question you asked that can be taken seriously is Yes, you did FU by abusing your ADHD medication. I think that there is an unstated question that is less definite and that question is "Am I totally screwed" The answer to that question is a solid "Maybe"

It certainly is not "Good" that a former substance abuser who is in recovery has just abused another substance. That said, it is predictable that a former substance abuser who is taking Ritalin may "Slip". It happening even once is very concerning. You do, however, sound very sincere in your desire to nip this in the bud and even though 99% of addicts can talk a good game at this point it has only happened once. Just don't be an idiot and become a "Golden slipper" which is someone who talks a great game but slips pretty much all the time.

Right now it's about 60/40 on where you end up on the AH/Not an AH spectrum with it leaning towards AH. Every week that goes by where you do not screw up again moves you further and further away from AH. But, keep in mind that moving towards AH moves at the speed of a rocket ship and moving away from AH moves at the speed of a snail. So let's not get upset if it takes a long long time before you have any idea what the answer to that question is because the only answer that comes quickly is "Yes you most certainly are an AH" So be happy that you do not have an answer yet.-


ididabadone OP t1_j5r9ppt wrote

does AH mean asshole? I was just sharing this story on today I fucked up. I wasn't really asking a question just sharing my screw up. but I mean, I will say that I am an asshole. I sure do feel like one. he has every right to be pissed and/or disappointed in me for this. I don't think I want to take them at all again for a long time :/ I'm mad at myself for having such little self control and for even having the thought to begin with. idk. talking to my doctor is the option here. I want to see if there are meds available with less abuse potential that will help me instead of these.


TheFirstSophian t1_j5rjqj2 wrote

I have no say in the matter, but yes, AH is asshole. And becoming a not-asshole is the pitch-drop experiment compared to the Thanos snap of becoming an asshole.


AndyZep t1_j5rm3y1 wrote

Thank you for the concise short version of what I was saying.


StChello t1_j5rexf2 wrote

I'm assuming it might mean Addictive Habit or something like that.


AndyZep t1_j5rg5xh wrote

Fair point. In this case I was using Asshole synonymous with a F-up or a screw up. I did think that the question, as asked, was pretty self evident. To me it read like: "I'm a former substance abuser who just recently abused another substance, was that a bad idea?" it seems very self evident to me that anyone with any sense would agree that, "Yes that was a very bad idea." Maybe I'm wrong, mabye that is not the way that would Universally be looked at, but I can't comprehend that anyone with any sense would not see that as a bad thing. I felt like the actual question you were asking was an unstated question more like: "I know that was a bad idea, but am I completely screwed." If that was not, in fact, the question that you were asking us, and yourself, then maybe it should be.

So I looked at it from the point of view that it is not healthy to get too caught up in self flagellation over a mistake because some people actually get caught up in the emotional roller coaster of Screw up, guilt, despair, hopelessness.... and then back to the beginning with screw up. There are actually some people who crave the excitement of that kind of Up/Down emotional roller coaster. Especially people who come from dysfunctional backgrounds. So Self flagellation is not the best reaction to slipping. So thinking that you are completely screwed is not the correct course of action. You also don't want to become a "Golden slipper" who feels like you have it all figured out and just need a few minor tweaks. What you should be doing is looking it as you are someone who is in a car heading straight to crapsville, at a very high rate of speed. You really should turn the wheel, because the further you go down this road the more difficult it becomes to turn the wheel until you finally drive yourself so far down that it is almost impossible to turn the wheel.

So I made several assumptions about what you were actually asking, which may actually be untrue. I also incorrectly changed the question from "Did I F up" to am I a "F up". I guess, if that is the case, my question would be. On what planet would people think that you did not F-up? Because to me it seems obvious that you are in a car headed to crapsville and it would be a good idea to turn the wheel.

Sorry if I answered a question that you were not asking.