So. I'll start this off with the standard warnings. This is my first post on here and English isn't my first language, so please excuse my grammar/formatting mistakes. Also writing this on my phone, so for PC users the text might be a bit wonky. Beware, this story may gross you out, so this is your last warning. If you're eating something, just scroll for your sanity.

Now. To start the story off, I have to say that I have been having some... issues in the last few months. Those issues being hemorrhoids (damn hemorrhoids!). So, like a normal person who is also kind of a hypochondriac would do, I booked a doctor's appointment to a fairly known proctologist in my area and prayed to all the holy and unholy beings that exist that it wouldn't be very serious.

Now, to describe a proctology exam. Basically, the doctor shoves a finger in you anus and feels around for any bumps. Then, they place a speculum and a camera inside to see everything up close and personal. It isn't the most pleasant.

In the morning I had my doctor's visit scheduled, I got up and did all of the normal things one does when waking up in the morning: I cursed at my alarm clock, I washed up, got dressed, etc. Well, I also had to prepare a lunch to bring with me to school because goddammit if I don't bring food to school then why am I still going? So, I gazed upon the vast expanse that is my kitchen cupboards and realised that... they were empty. So, I had to improvise. I grabbed approximately four kiwis that I cleaned, sliced, shoved into a tupperware container and then into my bag.

The day went kind of normal, all things considered. I ate my kiwis, I got a pop quiz, I got the results to another pop quiz, etc., etc.

I got home, did my thing for a while before I kind of felt the floodgates being... challenged down there. I kind of shrugged it off, went to the bathroom and did my thing, thinking nothing of it. Only, to my horror, IT WOULD NOT STOP.

I think in that moment, when I looked at the clock and realised I have approximately 30 minutes to get ready and leave, I started panicking. And then I remembered some obscure article I read a while ago about kiwis. Guess what that article said? That they were natural laxatives.

The rest of my time in the bathroom was a blur, I kind of fought for my life, kind of begged any higher beings to save me, maybe I teared up a little, who knows. What I DO know is that I got up, got changed, grabbed my papers and shoved them into my bag before I felt that the floodgates were having problems again. Again, I went to the bathroom, tried to do my thing, but to my dawning horror, I realised that nothing was coming out. I had stomach pain from bowel movements, but. nothing. was. coming. out. And then I looked at the clock and realised I was supposed to leave five minutes ago to catch a bus. Fuck.

I admit, I panicked a little bit.

I jumped off my throne, did my thing, and ran as fast as I could to catch the bus. Somehow, I managed to catch it while also grappling with the intense pressure from one's lower gut that can only be described as impending doom.

I somehow managed to get at the doctor's in time, so I sat for a few minutes in the waiting room. That's when I remembered that oh, I actually was embarrassed about doing this, especially since my doctor was of the opposite gender. I awkwardly stumbled through introductions and some basic questions, and now it was time. The rectal exam.

The nurse made me lie down on my side and after I took off my bottoms and not gonna lie, I was panicking internally. I think the doctor must've noticed, because he kept trying to crack jokes. But, alas, I was as tense as a wooden board.

So, the due did his thing, all while I tried to keep the floodgates from opening. Let me tell you, trying to do that with a finger shoved up your bottom? Very difficult. Very, very difficult.

So, I somehow got past that and it was time to insert the speculum. At this point, I was kind of crying inside because I felt my stomach revolting against me. Did I tell you the doctor liked to make jokes? He liked to make jokes. You know what the bad thing is? I laughed. With a speculum inside of me. I. laughed. That's when I felt something slipping out. I couldn't tell exactly what it was, because the doctor applied numbing cream before, but I could... feel it. I kind of died inside. The doctor kind of paused his speech, before clearing his throat and continuing. That's when I fully died inside.

Moral of the story, kiddos! Don't eat foods that can potentially cause you to shit yourself before a rectal exam! Bad things will happen, and, believe me, neither you, nor your doctor will want to deal with the consequences!

All of this being said, this wasn't that serious but it was kind of funny so I thought I'd share it here. Hope my doctor doesn't have reddit lol.

TL;DR: I consumed natural laxatives before a rectal exam and faced the consequences.