TIFU by asking my friend to take their socks off which led to the end of our friendship and A messed up digestive system .

Submitted by Unpleasant_1 t3_10lpqe1 in tifu

Throwaway here.

This begins when I (17M) hung out at their (18) house to give an arts and crafts gift I made for them and also for the purpose of hanging out. Nothing wrong there.

The fuckup began when I noticed their incredibly soft carpet and complemented it which led me to realise that they had socks on which prompted the question, "why do you have socks on?". Nothing wrong yet.

"I just typically wear socks around the house"

This prompted my question ," Why don't you take your socks off so that you could enjoy your carpet"

"I don't know"

The second time I asked them to take their socks off, they replied with "I'm not taking my socks off"

I wrongly intepreted it as them saying in a playful manner and that the socks were just part of the banter

This was the fuckup.

Due to my style of joking about I tend to prefer long running jokes so throughout this hangout whenever the thought comes up in my mind I ask about the socks such as when comparing shoes or using the pedal when playing the piano, wearing flip-flops and when going up a ladder.

Fast forward a few weeks.

During my holiday I lost my phone (this will come in handy later) so when using my sibling's laptop to browse social media I noticed something up with their account as it seems deleted, so I went to another platform to reach out to them.

This is when they revealed that they blocked me because they thought I was creepy and that they didn't want me in their life anymore.

I was a mess. Not just because I lost 1 of the few friends I had , not just because I also got my results back from school and was sorely disappointed, not just because of the shame that this was the second time i lost a friend due to my own stupidity and the fact that I thought that I had grown since then.

It was all of them at once on the same day. The fact that I done it again only cemented the pain further.

After smashing my head into the poor Airbnb floor tiles and playing trampoline on the balcony railing thinking of the sweet embrace. I started to feel horrible, on a physical level.

I had no Idea that Emotional Damage (funny i know ) was like Actually real and could manifest on a physical level.

I got intense stomach pain that I've never had before.

I also started feeling lightheaded when wearing my mask (I can't believe I'm saying this) outside due to the stuffy that I'm breathing back in.

I searched up some yoga poses to ease the pain which helped a lot. Unfortunately since I'm on a holiday to meet my relatives again, I end up visiting a lot of peoples houses which involves a lot of sitting, both in the car ride and on the chair on the dining table to catch up on stuff and there's only so many times you can comfortably get into a yoga pose to ease pain which involves a lot of legs and the logistics to not rip my own pants. Add this onto the fact that I'm constantly trying not to cry and shit myself, and you've got yourself a shit time.

Some point I got logged onto my dad's phone to talk to them and they said that " The unconsentual questions were creepy and that the fact that they said that their not taking their socks off once should've been enough to stop"

Backstory: I used to post feet pics ironically as a joke and people started to think that I had a foot fetish which probably added to the creepiness

I was incredibly hurt and confused.

Also did you realise I made my second fuckup? I learnt this the hard way, that there is no way to get your account off a device on that platform without wiping out all the data in settings. In my panic to not let my dad find out if he uses his phone and gets to that app, I deleted the chat to not see it anymore, which means that they probably did not see my apology.

I was in pain for the 5 days and the fact that I'm not enjoying my holiday that my parents worked their ass off to plan only made me feel guiltier than I alreadly was.

Its been a couple of days since I recovered physically and I have no idea what to do. I also realised that last year I convinced them so take this niche subject I'm taking, A subject so small that it doesn't even have its own classroom. Instead its one small table group in a class room and their the only one taking it other than me. So when school starts I will be sitting in one small table group with them in one subject.

Crap

TL;DR: asked my friend to take their socks off, they found it creepy and blocked me which resulted in a lot of emotional pain and manifested as an upset stomach. and i'll be alone in a subject with them which added to the awkwardness

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Edit: Thanks for all the advice you guys gave me and the shade that i rightfully deserve. Am currently focusing on recovering and learning from this to be better in the future

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Comments

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to0ties t1_j60xlho wrote

Am I correctly understanding that you creeped a person out by repeatedly asking them to take their socks off, and then were so distraught by their rejection that you bashed your head into the tile floor of an AirBnB and considering jumping off a railing? Dude...get help, please. You do not seem well.

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loftychicago t1_j6d2xsr wrote

Thank you for decoding that, I was having trouble trying to figure it out.

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beeweeird t1_j5yladl wrote

If you were trying to convince us that you don't have a foot fetish, you have completely failed. Even the fact that so many other foot related things "came up" (shoes, pedal, flip flops, ladder) indicates a weird obsession.

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annswertwin t1_j63joys wrote

Yea I’m an ER Nurse. This sounds a lot like the stories that end with a foreign body removal from someones rectum. One poor pt. had locked himself out of his apt., so he had to climb in his kitchen window, and he fell onto a ketchup bottle that happened to be on the kitchen floor wearing a condom and he happened to not be wearing pants or underwear. What an unlucky day s/.

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j644swy wrote

In hindsight its definitely weird to think about. Socks on a slippery wooden ladder are a safety concern tho, When we were heading to the attic

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jabbo13 t1_j5yeicj wrote

Socks to be you right now...

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rwa2 t1_j61j0qw wrote

Ouch, This hurts me right in the feels almost as much as OP's narrative.

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[deleted] t1_j5yeoq3 wrote

That was a lot of words to say that you still can't own and accept responsibility for your own obviously creepy behavior

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slimzimm t1_j5zgxrq wrote

What could he have said that would satisfy you enough to believe he owned and accepted responsibility for his behavior? I’m genuinely curious, because I felt like he was owning up to being a weirdo.

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FreighterTot t1_j60ckoj wrote

It reads a little bit like it was less of a joke than op thought, and possibly that they themselves aren't all that aware. The ironic feet pics was what really made me wonder.

But I also don't think this comment was the best way to help them think more critically about their own actions.

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mcnathan80 t1_j626sxp wrote

Yep I notice they also didn’t include their friends gender. I’m thinking op DOES have a foot fetish perved on his “friend” tried to walk it back as a joke and self-harmed in response to his consequences.

Hope he gets some therapy

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mcnathan80 t1_j626gym wrote

This is a pretty common tactic for emotionally immature people. Basically they super overvillianize themselves for the very obvious bad thing they did in hopes they look like the victim and will be comforted

“Look at me on this cross! Have I not suffered enough?!”

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j644xhq wrote

Any tips for not falling in a overvillianing spiral ? I want to break out of this habit.

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mcnathan80 t1_j65efkd wrote

It's tough ngl

I was raised by narcissist substance abusers and developed A LOT of bad habits/survival strategies, but this was the most pernicious. Not saying you or are parents are narcissists, but my apple didn't fall far from that tree...

I would strongly recommend finding a DBT therapist to help you work out your inner dialog

In the short term, start doing things that make you respect yourself (i.e. dont tell anyone, or expect praise). You can't care about anyone more than yourself. Literally. Anything more is codependent. Your own self esteem IS the bar

I'm pulling for you, you've got a long, tough slog but you're young and asking the right questions. At least the questions I wish I had asked when I was 17 lol

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Malevolent_Mangoes t1_j5yipwn wrote

Play stupid games win stupid prizes. You fucked up and were creepy and were blocked. Don’t bring up foot topics when people think you have a foot fetish.

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thrwayhairbortion t1_j5ydpua wrote

So basically, you non-consenually forced your kink on someone. That is a fuck up.

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commandrix t1_j60oa0s wrote

If you learn one lesson from this, it should be that you should let it drop the first time they say something that effectively means, "No." If you don't learn that lesson, you'll be getting off lightly if the worst that happens is that you lose friends over it.

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j66ghzo wrote

The hardest part is figuring out what does and doesn't mean no.

I am doing my best to learn.

Got any tips?

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gryphmaster t1_j67pj0y wrote

no means no. You’re not going to lose friends by listening when they say no

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Drakild t1_j698d3a wrote

This. Also, I'll bet it's a lot easier to have the "I can't believe you missed my signals!" Conversation if that side ever happens, than it is to explain to the police why you thought the "no" wasn't real.

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Slightball t1_j5z8wcd wrote

I can think of zero times, in my life, that I have asked someone to take off!

“TIFU by asking my friend to take their socks off”

/end

No other explanation needed

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dakwegmo t1_j5zmw1h wrote

I read thinking there had to be a logical reason for asking this, but nope.

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mcnathan80 t1_j626w4z wrote

There is

OP has a foot fetish

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j645naj wrote

Seems to be the general consensus yes

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mcnathan80 t1_j65c6ce wrote

Hey no shame, just figure your stuff out and learn to drop a joke after two strikes

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HowMuchDidIDrink t1_j60pfk9 wrote

I had to have multiple surgeries on my feet, so I always wear socks because I am self conscious about the hideous scars. But you do seem creepy

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noziquinha t1_j624dl4 wrote

Therapy. I swear it's great, helps you a lot. And I'm saying this as a genuine recommendation, not to make fun of you.

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j645l8g wrote

thanks for your advice.

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however it is not a readily option for me so ill stick to talking to myself in the shower

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Talarin20 t1_j631ug6 wrote

>I used to post feet pics ironically as a joke

Uh-huh... Ironically, he says.

What do we make of this statement, fellow redditors?

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holdMyBeerBoy t1_j636amr wrote

How does someone posts feet pics ironically? One tive? Ok, but regularly? Ahah

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Talarin20 t1_j63ijk4 wrote

Yeah this is like the #1 obvious excuse xD

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j645c3s wrote

It does read like an excuse. It started of as a joke cuz it was funny for my friends to go "whyyyyyy", and became a basis for new jokes as i posted more.

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Eventually it became fun to think of new and ridiculous ways to use feet in a funny manner so you are right in saying that its not ironic.

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I should probably stop tho as the results of a long term cost benefit analysis proved that its only ruining my social life more

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gryphmaster t1_j67pnos wrote

Yea, pushing boundaries in a cringy way doesn’t make people laugh. Don’t earn the reputation of the guy who does cringy stuff for a laugh

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Talarin20 t1_j645hh5 wrote

I'd say stopping would be the wise decision, aye :D

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azrael962 t1_j676n5b wrote

You seem like you have a foot fetish. "I used to post feet pics ironically" sure you did buddy. You don't got to lie to us this is reddit as weird as your fetish could be there's stuff here a thousand times weirder. Just be honest with us and yourself. You really wanted to see those Lil piggies didn't you?

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ilovemybrownies t1_j63yxws wrote

Has anyone else come to the conclusion that OP might also be a little on the ASD spectrum? I didn't even really consider foot fetish until I read the comments.

Compared to others, autistics are way more likely to upset people in social situations due to simply not reading the room accurately, not dropping a subject, accidentally crossing boundaries, etc. Either way your friend's response is out of your control OP, I'd suggest getting therapy and put the work into learning how to love yourself so you don't want to jump from a balcony from the sheer pain of the rejection.

Also IBS sufferers here, the gut pain part is too real. Eating a little better, taking probiotics and improving mental state have a huge effect on gut pain.

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j64497b wrote

Thanks for you advice, my gut pain seems to have subsided and am working on bettering myself with this TIFU

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infini98 t1_j632mtt wrote

Dafuq did I just read 😥

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PSKroyer t1_j638lv1 wrote

Apologize to them in person.

That will knock their socks off!!

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j645gfg wrote

I certainly will have to. and they certainly will be wearing shoes when i do so that hopefully wont happen

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PSKroyer t1_j645ogj wrote

Doing it in person is much more powerful than via an app or SMS.

They will have to face humanity!

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Usagiboy7 t1_j65df1s wrote

Why would you push someone on anything like that? It's not your business. They may have private reasons to do or not do a thing. Leave people alone about their choices about things that don't impact you.

My own family has a history of horrible toe fungus. So, I have a habit of not being barefoot because I don't want to get a toe fungus from anyone. Someone else might have a toe fungus and not wish to spread it or have others see it.

You also live in a world full of creepy men. Blame the creeps. If you encounter any, raise hell at them for making women distrustful and wary.

And yeah, you tifu.

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j66gb87 wrote

I understand my mistake in hindsight now. Sock are definitely a more sensitive topic than i thought

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Usagiboy7 t1_j66iuas wrote

It's not just socks. If somebody says no about something that is rightfully their own decision, drop it. People have private reasons for all sorts of decisions they make for themselves. I'm glad you learned this about socks. Hopefully you'll take it as a broader life lesson as well. We are going make mistakes in life. That is a given. It is up to us to grow as much as we possibly can from it. I trust that ypu can and will.

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j66zv0x wrote

Also I will have to learn the difference between encouraging someone and pressuring them.

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any ideas?

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Usagiboy7 t1_j6748dk wrote

Trust that people can make their own choices about stuff.

If you take off your socks and enjoy the carpet, they'll join you if they want to. And they won't, if they don't want to. This is just an example. The idea behind it applies to a lot of situation beyond socks.

I personally like to communicate directly, because Ive misread situations and social cues more than once. So Im likely to just ask someone, "Is this something you would like encouragement for/about or would you like me to drop it?"

I'm not a mind reader. And most other folks probably arent either. So, I don't like to pretend that I am or that my friends are. My friends are used to me being direct. And increasingly, they are becoming more direct too. It's a relief, honestly. It feels good to not have to guess.

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WonderfulGarage7944 t1_j61jvl0 wrote

I would tell them they’re absolutely right and that you totally misread the tone. I’d say I genuinely DONT have a foot thing and would have dropped it immediately if I had accurately assessed that tone. I’d say I understand if they don’t want to talk to me again, but that my friends are important to me and I’d hate to lose one of few over a bad joke. I’d tell them I guess I didn’t know them like that well enough to push those buttons and would definitely not have had I realized the actual situation. Basically I’d just stress I misread my audience and went down the full joke path. If they seemed open to discussing it or considered your apology, I might add that after the fact I remembered the ridiculous posts about feet I had made some time ago and facepalmed when I realized how that must have looked in retrospect. The ball is ultimately in their court, best you can do is be honest, but this will leave you vulnerable. The way I’d look at it, is I’d rather just put everything on the table and not wonder what I could have done to save it later.

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Unpleasant_1 OP t1_j61l2na wrote

I came to the conclusion that misreading the tone was my biggest mistake

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kinkyghost t1_j6kc09n wrote

Have you considered you might have felt stomach pain and lightheaded because you smashed your head against tile?

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Jcxx_93 t1_j676exe wrote

Yea bro its not about the socks man. You need to get your ass beat and set straight

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