TIFU by hooking up with a guy on Grindr

Submitted by Altruistic_Captain47 t3_10dtpj5 in tifu

I am 24 Single Gay man. I was horny and was browsing through Grindr. I received a message from a guy who was cute so I started talking to this guy. We both were interested in each other so we decided to meet up at his place. We had a good time. After we are finished we started having small talk. I got to know that he was Bisexual and has a gf who he is dating from the past 1 year. I didn't know about all this. I was shocked and the conversation started being awkward cause i was a bit uncomfortable so I soon left the place. Now i feel guilty about the whole situation and wish i was more careful. I don't like cheaters and this makes me feel bad as i was i was part of his cheating. I just feel miserable about the whole situation as this has happened before too.

TL;DR - I hooked up with a Bi Guy who has a gf. Now i feel guilty as I was part of the cheating.

210

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

E-Reezy420 t1_j4nju8t wrote

After reading this and the comments, definitely not your fu OP. He lied and mislead you, there was no way you could've known, and who's to say even if you asked he wouldn't have just lied to your face until after the hookup since he lied about it in his status? Sorry he made you feel bad 😔

212

chaos021 t1_j4n6bye wrote

Isn't part of the hookup making sure we're all good?

"Are you married or dating anyone?"

"No. You?"

"Nope. The safe word is 'bananas' and nothing goes in the hair."

"Bet"

208

Altruistic_Captain47 OP t1_j4n6wy3 wrote

I usually get confirmation on relationship status but it his status on profile was single. I just assumed he was single and didn't bother much.

135

PlasticInTheBasket t1_j4n850k wrote

That's not on you.

221

blacknessofthevoid t1_j4nfoma wrote

Agreed. It gets omitted on purpose and you make yourself look bad by asking a normal person things like that. Are you cheating right now, are you a serial killer, do you abuse puppies on weekends? The excuse, well you didn’t ask, is weak.

61

Unsure_if_Relevant t1_j4n8hea wrote

Did he specifically say he cheated? Or was he possible in a non monogamous relationship?

Either way he was a dick for not communicating all that with you, informed consent and all

38

Altruistic_Captain47 OP t1_j4na0gy wrote

His girlfriend doesn't even know that he was Bisexual.

52

mcm0313 t1_j4obeff wrote

He needs to (pun intended) be straight with her. She doesn’t deserve the lies. Neither does OP. Just to be sure, though, next time OP might want to ask directly.

28

Unsure_if_Relevant t1_j4nbw6t wrote

But is he monogamous? Either way sounds like he was a dick and you did nothing wrong

21

TrashBoyGold t1_j4s4gs7 wrote

He’s probably not even bisexual but gay and in the closet.

2

flip469 t1_j4nwoz2 wrote

I'm not gay, but this popped up and was curious so i red it.... "she doesn't know he is bisexual", lemme tell you something dawg.... SHE KNOWS!!!! lol. She mite not want to admit it or talk ab it, but she knows. Congrats on getting laid, btw✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽🤪🤪🤪

−25

WulfTyger t1_j4td22d wrote

First.. Exasperated sigh.

Second.

Even some bisexual people don't realize it until later in their lives.

Years and years of people being oppressed or hated for liking their own gender kinda makes that hard or terrifying.

I only recently started exploring my bisexuality, I didn't even think I was bi until I was 27. Didn't do anything with any men until 29. I just turned 30.

Third.. Your text is painful to read.

1

Compufreak345 t1_j4n8wi7 wrote

So basically he did not only cheat on his girlfriend, he also did cheat on you.

That's a good reason to feel anger, but no reason to feel guilt.

14

chaos021 t1_j4n93m9 wrote

Ok. That makes sense then. You shouldn't feel bad about it. He's actively being deceitful.

8

potatofairy42 t1_j4phmno wrote

See, maybe it’s just me but if I’m on a dating app I don’t feel like I should need to question if the person is in a committed relationship. Cos, you know, they’re on a dating app. I’ve had a few people on apps ask me if I’m single and it’s always a red flag.

5

sarcastic_boii t1_j4pqk68 wrote

how is it a red flag?? maybe they’ve just been in situations like op, and don’t want to be part of someone else’s cheating?? everything has to be a “red flag” nowadays…

6

potatofairy42 t1_j4pr873 wrote

That’s a good point that they may have been there before, I genuinely didn’t think of that. Short sighted I know. I always took it as a sign that they think it’s ok to be on dating apps when you’re in a relationship.

2

WulfTyger t1_j4sin08 wrote

It is- If you're in Polyamorous or ENM relationships. I'm committed to three people.

Yes, they are all aware of each other and have met, more than once.

1

chaos021 t1_j4pre68 wrote

That makes no sense. If I'm even thinking about trying to get close to someone, I always asked if they're seeing someone. Asking shouldn't be a red flag. People who dodge the question or give you weird answers are a red flag.

1

Successful-Side8902 t1_j4ojghr wrote

Cheating liars are everywhere. OP did nothing wrong. Hookup culture and liars are a bad mix and they're destroying lives every day.

Speaking as the GF in this exact scenario. Found out after three years; I was being gaslighted by a closets bisexual man who is also a sex and porn addict. Hookup sites are inundated with these folks.

It's traumatic for the partners when they find out. It's unfortunate there's no way for hookups or the family to know about it prior, until they have done profound damage to other people across the board.

It's messed up and it's also becoming more and more prevalent.

70

Falconflyer75 t1_j4own3z wrote

Honestly it’s on the other guy, you had every reason to assume he was single, as long as u didn’t knowingly hook up with someone in a relationship you’re almost as much a victim as his poor gf

Whom honestly you should track down and tell if U can

41

WulfTyger t1_j4shp0w wrote

That's also if it's not a Poly or ENM relationship.

Shits tricky these days. I have 3 partners, one trans-man, two women.

I'm not actively dating at the moment, but when I am, I always start out saying that I'm poly with X partners. Never blindside somebody like OP was.

I feel for OP. This was most definitely NOT their fuck up. It was the other guy all the way.

3

LeepDore t1_j4o91yk wrote

Sounds like that guy was looking to cheat, he went on Grindr to hook up and messaged you; you didn't make him cheat by not asking if he was taken. I'd be angry, if anything, in your shoes. But you're not the guilty party here.

14

BreakingBad2014 t1_j4om2ha wrote

Perhaps gf is ok with the arrangement. You don't really know.

10

[deleted] t1_j4nd1gh wrote

[deleted]

7

AislinnScr t1_j4o1fdm wrote

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you've had a really rough personal experience. I sincerely hope he honours his promise to you and understands how you feel.

3

GlitterSushi t1_j4ntc22 wrote

Not on you. Profile said single. 🤷‍♀️

7

Agomir t1_j4ondm8 wrote

Unfortunately there are a lot of married men on the dating apps, and it only gets worse as you get older. If you're single long enough you will accidentally meet some of them, just because sometimes you forget to ask, or it seems obvious. Some conversations start out different so you forget some of those initial questions.

Ultimately, he cheated. You never promised anything to anyone, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

7

ricnilotra t1_j4pj9so wrote

I dont bother with gay hook ups cause guys are too horny and I dont bother with women cause they want to chat for like five months before meeting which they never want to do.

7

Azulahhh t1_j4p0ais wrote

Snitch on this fucking loser. The girl deserves that much at least.

5

hiricinee t1_j4oua3u wrote

If you're doing casual hookups that's going to be collateral damage a lot of the time. Just don't do repeats with guys like that and you're pretty guilt free. In the scope of guys sleeping around, you being just one of the guys that gets with him is not going to be the thing that breaks things.

4

JeremiahAhriman t1_j4qaend wrote

Definitely a critical part of the conversation.
"Are you in a committed relationship with anyone? Do they know you're also dating other people?"

If both these answers are yes, or the first one is no... You're gold.

4

InfiniteCalendar1 t1_j4q2eu8 wrote

The guy you hooked up with is in the wrong here, not you. You’d only be in th wrong if you decided to continue things after finding out, and based on this post that’s something you wouldn’t do knowingly as you don’t condone cheating. Hopefully his girlfriend realizes he’s cheating and leaves him as no one deserves this.

3

Ixixly t1_j4o1ccg wrote

Not on you at all, I think it's fine be angry or disappointed with this person but you have no reason to feel guilty.

2

AdLittle670 t1_j4oi0mb wrote

Don't be too hard on yourself. If it continues to upset you, connsider reaching out to her and informing her about the infidelity of her partner.

2

launchpadius t1_j4q1t2d wrote

It sucks, but you can't feel bad for what someone else chooses to do.

2

ttopsrock t1_j4qaxj5 wrote

He was an asshole. Not your fault

2

Aussie_chopperpilot t1_j4q3m3u wrote

Maybe he has an agreement with her. Just cause he is in a relationship does it mean he is cheating? Or did I miss that part?

1

EvenContact1220 t1_j4qddgp wrote

Don't feel guilty. You had no idea. I understand why you do, since you clearly are an empathetic person. But it truly isn't your fault.

1

joe_botyov t1_j4qyf0c wrote

Just casual sex , his problem not yours. ( how cute was he?)

1

curiousslothprince t1_j4rlh5k wrote

not your fu, he should have been transparent (and not cheating on his gf, what a jerk)

1

ItsAllBeenDecided t1_j4ro3zq wrote

You are not the one who should feel guilty. He's the a-hole, you're a good guy. Move on.

1

rscottyb86 t1_j4s1wpl wrote

Don't feel bad. You did nothing wrong.

1

faunalmimicry t1_j4s3huh wrote

You didn't know. Not your fault. I feel like to save yourself the anguish though it may be best to check in the future.

1

sasanessa t1_j4sh45a wrote

You could have asked if you cared

1

Soft_Drive_9147 t1_j4u7e0n wrote

Seems like a him-problem. You did nothing wrong, especially when you did not even know.

1

Topinambourg t1_j4pmjoi wrote

Not your FU. Unless you didn't use protection.

0

Andrewoholic t1_j4q9tmp wrote

Let's face it, grindr really is not an app for relationships, it's more for hook ups / one night stands, so what did you expect?

As for the guy you met, maybe they had an open relationship. Maybe he had to have one last 'itch' before marriage, who knows. You wont get in a relationship with him, nor will you probably see him again.

​

Stop stressing but I think the guilt is more less what he did and more, you feeling lonely and used. Perhaps you are seeking love and not getting it?

−1

shadraig t1_j4ph64d wrote

I never have spend a second thinking about the other guy if he had a girlfriend or boyfriend.

If a casual thing happens that shouldn't be the thing to worry about. Two to Tango, no regrets

−4

Altruistic_Captain47 OP t1_j4pvqh9 wrote

I don't want to be part of cheating. I don't like to associate with cheaters.

2

shadraig t1_j4pwe3e wrote

What can you do before? You never know before.

−1

[deleted] t1_j4n8i97 wrote

[deleted]

−9

ComedianBoth8839 t1_j4o0txw wrote

I don't think he would willingly be the person to sleeps with one knowing they are in a relationship. Sometimes people lie. It's not his fault.

5

Slow-Talk-400 t1_j4p91aa wrote

Bro nobody cares about this shitty story lame.

−9

patriickz t1_j4pormv wrote

A bi guy doesn't exist. He's gay.

−12