I know, title sounds stupid as fuck on its own and trust me, it's not going to get any better. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, she has gained contact again with her childhood friend after a couple of years because they had a fight years prior, and she had another friend. We're in a groupchat and my girlfriend and I say we're married (keep this is mind). she had a platonic marriage as well which has happened just a few months ago (mind you we are from 16-18 years old so no, nothing here is literally)

My girlfriend was joking about cheating on me, with her platonic marriage, I said I already knew about her affair and we all made this a very dramatic joke. She invited her childhood friend to the group chat and we started talking. It got to the point where we mentioned the marriages and the whole joke, it all grew chaotic and I jokingly said, "I guess I'm the side hoe?" and things just got worse. I honestly wish I kept quiet because for the past 2 months now I have been having my insecurities return.

This isn't relevant to the story but it explains my insecurities:: during middle school, I dated a guy, I liked him and I thought he likes me, he would compare me to other people and in the end I found out he has liked a mutual friend of ours from the start of our relationship, not only that but he would always say I wasn't enough, even though I broke up with him multiple times. he would assume we were still dating. when he finally cut things off he said I was nothing more than a mere test, see how things go. So now I worry about not being good enough for my partner.

My girlfriend has reassured me time and time again that she loves me, she has made me feel genuinely loved, and I feel special for once. Now back to this, because of all the joking, her childhood friend said he is the main because they've known each other longer, her most recent friend says she's the main lover because they get along well. in my head I just said, Childhood friend is main, new-is friend is side hoe and I'm just the throw away hoe. I wanted to say it to laugh along and keep with the jokes but even just the thought of it hurt and now I lay here in bed crying my eyes out like a baby.

I started this and now here I am crying. I was able to get over my insecurities earlier, but they've returned and I also have no clue what to do, and I honestly hate it so fucking much because it just hurts. It's returned to the point I have dreams of her cheating me on, dreams of her saying I was never enough, etc.

TLDR: girlfriend has a platonic relationship with her childhood friend and the idea of figuring out who's the main hoe and the side hoe has gotten out of hand. Insecurities about not being a good enough partner are returning and getting worse by the day.

update: I told her about it, she understood and we talked it out for a bit. She told me I have nothing to worry about and that no matter what I'm special to her, as friends and partners. I'm glad this was talked about easily, thank you for telling me that I should just straight up tell her. much appreciated!