TIFU by asking a coworker why doesn’t bring his dog anymore

Submitted by DefinetlyNotSara t3_10pv0q4 in tifu

My employer allows us to bring our dogs to workplace aslong as they’re well behaved and no one in the team has a fear of dogs or an allergy. So my coworker used to bring his big fluffy dog to work. He was always super friendly and got a lot of cuddles and treats from everyone. The last couple of weeks he stopped. Nothing unusual at first, since he doesn't bring him all the time (even though that makes everyone sad)

But after it was weeks since I last saw the dog I asked him today in a kinda joking matter why he never brings the dog anymore.

He turned silent and seemed really uncomfortable. “I have bad news… The dog… died” I didn't know. I was an unsensitive prick. And have just teared up the wound of someone who lost a pet… I apologized immediately, feeling absolutely terrible. But that didn’t help the awkward silence afterwards (which also lasted for the rest of the workday)

So yeah, that’s how I effed up today

TL;DR: I asked my coworker why he doesn’t bring his dog anymore, but I didn’t know it died.

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mik8c t1_j6ml1m9 wrote

I don't think this is a FU, he is obviously mourning his loss, but you asking after it might have made for some awkward silence, but it also showed you noticed and gave you a chance to tell him you're sorry about his dog. no harm done

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dustyrags t1_j6nk1l1 wrote

You have a dog. Occasionally you bring the dog to work. The dog dies.

Nobody says anything. Eventually, one coworker asks.

This is the first time anyone has acknowledged that your dog is gone. Naturally, you tear up, but I imagine you’re also massively warmed to think that your dog was loved enough in the office that people notice it’s missing and inquire.

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KittikatB t1_j6me4gt wrote

It's not really a fuck up, you had no way of knowing.

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JustinEbriated t1_j6mc5g0 wrote

Move on. Everything dies. Now, say, you accidentally ran over his dog and asked that question? THAT would make you an insensitive prick.

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DefinetlyNotSara OP t1_j6mcrw4 wrote

I think you're right. He won't hold a grudge or something. Still could've user a different tone. He was already old an sick. I knew that. A little thinking before opening my mouth would have at least made me use a different tone or wording.

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serendipity1330 t1_j6mjcmi wrote

Also, if he brought his dog in that much and everybody liked said dog, it would have been a good idea to share that information in a comfortable way for him to avoid conversations like that. You’re not in the wrong here. That being said maybe if you find yourself in this weird scenario again try “hey it’s been a while since we’ve seen dog, is everything ok?”

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Titariia t1_j6mnqal wrote

You didn't know. He probably knows this as well. You weren't using it in a aggressive way. It'll be fine, he just needs some time

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TroublemakingB t1_j6n0t3w wrote

It probably isn't a bad thing, though, that he knows you liked and missed his pupper.

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Salindurthas t1_j6n4b6f wrote

TIFU by forgetting that I ran over my co-workers dog.

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bdd6911 t1_j6mmgaw wrote

Maybe give him a card or if you guys ever took pics of the dog frame one and give it to him…I dint see a tifu here, you’re good.

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NosferatuCalled t1_j6mx4mh wrote

Don't feel bad. I once asked someone I hadn't seen in several years how her husband's doing at a table of six and apparently everyone else at the table had been to his funeral six months ago.

At the end of the day, it's not like you knew so eh.

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GothicGingerbread t1_j6p069u wrote

Several months after my father died, I ran into someone we'd known for nearly 40 years, who asked how my parents were. Somehow, he hadn't heard that my father had died (which was actually rather surprising, because it was a pretty big deal in our community; his funeral was absolutely packed). I'm sure he felt terrible about it, but honestly, I felt terrible for him, and not at all for myself. I mean, it's not like I'd forgotten he had died, and frankly, it's nice to know that people continue to remember him fondly – and while I know that, if I'd been in his shoes, I'd have been absolutely mortified, I really didn’t want him to feel bad. I'm sure it's the same for OP's co-worker.

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Pandamonium-N-Doom t1_j6p2oqk wrote

Oh man, my mom's cousin Charlie once asked her how her son/my brother was doing over dinner (the person in question had died dramatically, and traumatically for everyone involved, about 10ish years prior, while Charlie was still in China). After we made sure he was genuinely asking about my brother, my dad piped up with "oh... You know... Still dead". Charlie just about had a heart attack.

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SuccessfulCandle2182 t1_j6o5ys6 wrote

I would appreciate it that someone remembers my dog - 0 fuck up in my eyes

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Awordofinterest t1_j6ngyyp wrote

You probably helped him more than he (or you) realise.

This may have been the first time he's mentioned it at work, It's very hard to start healing if you bottle everything up and pretend nothings changed.

It also goes to show that you care. You asked about the dog you haven't seen in a while. You wouldn't have asked if you didn't care.

Don't feel bad.

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[deleted] t1_j6mcl8v wrote

[removed]

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DefinetlyNotSara OP t1_j6mcyoh wrote

Yeah I know there are really big fuckups in this subreddit 😅 this is nothing compared to them. And it’s true we all really loved that dog. The tru proof you don’t need a young puppy to have other people find it cute

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HustleI87 t1_j6n9jio wrote

As someone who lost theirs recently, it’s ok. You may have brought up some heartache but it’s nice to see others think of doggo too.

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TroublemakingB t1_j6mzd3a wrote

I feel your pain. I took a call from a coworker I had not spoken to in awhile (we were moved to different locations) and asked about her baby, which she had delivered a few months before. She said, "oh, you didn't know, my baby died." I wanted to puke. I am now very hesitant to ask about anyone's babies now.

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Hobbit_Feet45 t1_j6nvche wrote

Don’t beat yourself up. You couldn’t have known.

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anacondatmz t1_j6opdd1 wrote

Honestly you couldn't have known.

If it's still bugging ya tomorrow, there's nothing wrong with ya going up to the coworker and just apologize for bringing it up. You felt like shit all day, and sure you couldn't have known but having lost a pet you know the hurt, and your sorry for his / her loss.

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Alexis_J_M t1_j6ovi9t wrote

Let him know how much you loved seeing the dog and that you miss it, and that you understand how upset he must be.

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mandozombie t1_j6p2fpn wrote

I mean you might have assumed. But its not like he said anything prior. Could have been half a dozen reasons.it wasn't there

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aussie_nub t1_j6ph9pe wrote

Maybe I'll get shot down for this but see if you can find a little something that looks similar to the dog. Little fluffy toy or something. Pay $10 or $20 or something and tell your co-worker that you missed the little guy too and thought maybe he could stay here in the office with him forever in spirit. Shows you care about your co-worker too.

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Brdsht t1_j6p8wyc wrote

Big dogs don't live long. Nothing to see here

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