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z-eldapin t1_j4ihoto wrote

Why did I not stop reading after the first line..


Possible_Tiger_5125 t1_j4ih40a wrote

Never in a trillion years would I ever consent to something like that frfr


Curious_Recording_99 t1_j4irz0i wrote

Please go straight to jail, don’t pass go you don’t deserve the $200


onebadmex66 t1_j4igd5j wrote

Prison. Lots of fecal freaks in prison. You will fit right in.


sockey25 t1_j4iggey wrote

While I was eating breakfast....


jguy73 t1_j4ik6f0 wrote

She said deuces!


AndThenTheUndertaker t1_j4k3dbu wrote

As much as I want to be mad at this and talk about what asshole behavior it is I feel like I can take solace in the fact that this was most shitty creative writing from a 14 year old who's gotten his idea of sex from whatever skeezy corners of the internet don't get properly blocked by his school's websense filter and no one was actually shat on aside from anyone who had to read this post.


IResentment t1_j4iyo6x wrote

OP, my brother in christ, you scarred that poor girl for life. You scarred me and I’m sure everyone in them is thread. Please seek help. That ain’t a kink. That shit is…….well shit. It’s weird. How is that a deal breaker if someone doesn’t want shit on their face ? Please tell me this is a joke.


Belansky907 t1_j4kcjri wrote

We all got our kinks but...Yeah, that's gonna be a tough ask, bro. The best thing would probably be to find a group of like-minded individuals, I'm sure it exists, and hopefully, you find someone in your area to link up with because I imagine you're severely limiting your dating pool if that's a deal breaker.


Drew10358 t1_j4khyxv wrote

I don’t kink shame but uhhhhh


fredsam25 t1_j4l6c4m wrote

This is why Reddit mods are always in a bad mood. Imagining filtering through stuff like this all day.


badforman t1_j4kb44k wrote

Your mother didn’t love you.


GosuBaller t1_j4kk6ha wrote

I Always say... it's better to be able to shit on command than shit involuntarily, but I don't think I could command my sphincter to release hell on anything besides a porcelain throne ..


Sernsheim t1_j4jus36 wrote

Really? Right in front of my crab rangoons?


bigbrainvirus t1_j4kfmqi wrote

“It’s a deal breaker for me if I can’t shot on my own gf.” Oh man, you got me laughing out loud in the airport… thanks for making this layover less shitty


Phatcat15 t1_j4mfmza wrote

If this is real - the right approach is to wait more than two weeks before you whip out your kinks. Maybe ask politely to poo on her feet and work your way up. Then murder suicide because why the fuck are there people like you! Yikes


Happylifenowife t1_j4mn96n wrote

There's this meanwhile I have trouble finding someone normal I connect with.


used_shoe t1_j4k21ik wrote

become a politician, then you can shit all over everyone’s face and people will still cheer for you.