ok so for context i'm 18, AFAB and brazilian. i arrived in london at the start of january on vacation from college and was super excited to go to this cool indie music club. i get dressed up and take my wallet, phone and keys all in my coat pocket since i haven't got a purse. it's a quite long bus ride from my airbnb to the club but when i got there it was super worth it. i was having the time of my life, there was this group of very nice lads who were paying for all my drinks, so i just kept going. it started getting really hot so i take off my coat and place it on a sofa nearby, taking only my wallet & phone and tucking them inside my pants. i figured the keys were safe in the pockets....mistake. after many drinks i got pissed drunk and the guys i had met were wanting to leave. i was dizzy and nauseated and wanted to dip as well, so i go get my coat. touch both pockets - nothing of my keys. "it must have fallen off!" i think, so i try to search with my phone flashlight under the sofa in the darkness of the club. nothing. i start thinking i really fucked up. so now there i am almost falling over kneeling down on a drink/broken glass covered floor desperatly searching in the dark for the one think that would mean i'd get home that night. at one point some people asked what happened and i was about to answer when i felt i had to throw up IMMEDIATELY. the dialogue went like

"have you lost something? are you okay?"

"oh yeah i just lost my......gh..keyssssscuse me for a second."

i ran to the bathroom and managed to throw up in the toilet, at least keeping a bit of my dignity. at this point i figure i better just wait for when the lights would be turned on to search for the damned keys again.

4 am the staff turn the lights back on and i get to searching again and THE KEYS FUCKING EVAPORATED. we search the whole place, behind every sofa, in every hole, nothing. absolutely nothing. at this point i'm just exausted so i accept defeat and decided to just try going home.

as i get out it's pouring. i at least have my coat so i make a run for the bus stop and as soon as i'm in the bus i fall asleep in an instant and very heavily. if it wasn't for my kind bus driver waking me up i would have ended up in another country.

anyways, i get out, still raining, and i really need to piss. like, DESPERATELY. it's 4 am and everything's closed and i'm locked out of the house because of the stupid magically disappearing keys. i decided to just find a dark corner of the park and relieve myself.

i finally get to the front door of my airbnb and while i knew my host lived there as well, it was 5 am and i REALLY didn't want to wake her up just to tell her "haha so......i lost your keys <3" so i sent her a message and just stood there. in the rain. for about an hour.

after waking up and reading it she finally let me in. i apologized many many times and collapsed on the warmth of my bedroom.

now i've paid 20 quid for the new keys, got her telling me in her british passive-aggressive-polite way that "what i did was a bit silly" and am totally traumatized going out and i check if my keys are still in my pocket every 3 seconds. NEVER AGAIN.

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TL;DR : got really drunk at a party. keys fell off my pocket into narnia. was locked out of my airbnb at 3am and had to piss in a park.