Nashsonleathergoods t1_j6lgj1x wrote on January 31, 2023 at 3:55 AM

Now is the time to have a real talk. There always needs to be a safe word. Even as simple as "red light". But she needs aftercare and to know that she can trust you. Go talk to her and you guys will be able to move pass this and be stronger for it.

atlas_mornings t1_j6lvkq7 wrote on January 31, 2023 at 6:22 AM

This, seriously. The safe word is for both the dom and the sub's sake, the dom needs a way to check in

Girlmode t1_j6mifr9 wrote on January 31, 2023 at 11:31 AM

Its not just learning what to say. It's learning to say much of anything. It took me ages to break being submissive and say things had gone to far.

Pain I could put up with to any extent really and much like ops girlfriend sounds if I was in a bad place in life, it potentially travels into the I hate myself and deserve this space. Rather than just haha I'm so naughty punish me daddy space. It's also really hard to not escalate the pain as you've already taken x before and you feel like a failure if one day you're super sensitive.

But choking I could tell my bf really liked and I enjoyed the high, no amount really gave me discomfort. But I'd be on the verge of passing out and be like "well I don't want to ruin it for him" and not try to communicate at all. Which was all well and good until ya know... passed out.

Not the best way to have to really work on talking. Was hard for me as my limits alwyas been above partners and I literally didn't know how to say anything in sub space, the words just wouldn't come out.

peckerlips t1_j6oxgjn wrote on January 31, 2023 at 9:31 PM

This.

After care is just as important for the dom as it is for the sub. OP feels bad for pushing his gf past the limits because she didn't stay to talk it out and come down from the intensity.

Gf also needs to learn limits. Not only her pain threshold, but what actions are allowed to be punished for. It's incredibly unhealthy that she decided it would be okay to play with fire, just to get punished.