Safe words. Always have one. Me and my girlfriend use “macaroni and cheese”. Were both into some pretty harsh things so it goes both ways. But that safe words there for safety. These things are built on trust and consent. Just come up with one it’ll take you 2 minutes and save you from this. I feel you though I used to feel bad choking or slapping her. But now it’s nothing to choke her with one hand and jam my fingers in her mouth and spread her jaws to spit in her mouth with the other hand 😂