TIFU by spanking my gf

Submitted by ReadingIntrovert t3_10pnbco in tifu

Note: New account so no one in my life (who knows I use Reddit) knows about this

So I (M22) am in a 1-2 year relationship with my gf (F20). She is one of the cutest and sweetest people I've ever known, and I am very lucky to have her in my life.

Roughly a couple of months ago, she opened up to me about being into domestic discipline. She told me she really likes spanking and would really want to incorporate punishing her into the relationship. Now, honestly, this turned me on and I thought this would spice things up in our relationship. Not to mention that she lately has been doing a bunch of reckless and irresponsible things lately (she mentioned that she did these things so I have reasons to spank her). So, both reluctantly and excitedly, I agreed to start spanking her for things she's done wrong.

So these past few months, I started spanking her. Most of the things I spank her for include her being late, lazy to the point of disrupting her priorities, attitude, etc. Most of her 'punishment' sessions were bending her over a table or something and spanking her with clothes on. Because I didn't want to really hurt her, I went easy and made sure I at least got her to feel it. Like I only spanked her until I knew her butt was pretty uncomfortable. Overtime, her punishments escalated. I started hitting harder and started pulling her pants down or lifting her skirt up. The more I did this, the more pain she felt. She was really okay with it and even thanked me for improving her behavior. Our relationship was pretty good.

Things were going pretty well (her behavior was improving) until today. Earlier today, while I was at work, she told me she was guilty because she almost set our apartment on fire. She was playing with fire or something and it got out of hand. She managed to put it out and all that, but I made it clear that she was gonna get spanked. She even said, probably out of guilt or shame or something, that I should go hard on her. She told me that I shouldn't hold back, which was what I was going to do. I mean, a huge accident could have happened.

I grabbed a hairbrush and a wooden spoon and bent her across my knee. I pulled her skirt up and panties down and started spanking her with the hairbrush. Eventually she was crying and kicking and all that stuff (which I thought was normal). It came to the point where I was using the spoon on her and her butt was bruised badly and she was bawling uncontrollably, begging me to stop. I stopped as she started begging and helped her up.

She pulled up her underwear and, without a word, left the apartment.

I feel extremely bad and felt like I went too far. I feel like I just ruined my relationship because I didn't know where her limits were. She also never gave or used a safeword because she said she would never need one. I got in contact with her earlier today and she said it was okay. She said she deserved it and I shouldn't feel bad. But I just feel like it isn't alright. I don't know what to do.

TL;DR: gf wanted to get punishment spankings and our last spanking session hurt her too much. She said it's fine but I don't think it is.

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redbucket75 t1_j6lfxjb wrote

Time to sit down, well she can stand, and have that conversation about limits and safe words. This wasn't any issue of consent, just a bad sexual experience, and you'll both get through it if you want to stay together.

You should also talk about safe ways to initiate punishment sessions. Burning down the house or making actual poor life choices doesn't get sexy spanking, it gets boring discussions about grown up decision making.

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ZerotheWanderer t1_j6lpshe wrote

Yeah, almost burning down your house or apartment does not get you sexy time, you're not getting rewarded for almost causing tens of thousands of dollars worth of damage and permanently changing your lives.

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joacoleon t1_j6n07jv wrote

> well she can stand

LMAO

> You should also talk about safe ways to initiate punishment sessions

Right? I was under the impression these ways were supposed to be playful and harmless, and not things that can get you fired or hurt. Like, whats next? Cheating?

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redbucket75 t1_j6n149q wrote

There's a group of people, men and women, who take this beyond kink and consciously try to "correct" women's behavior with corporal punishment. My guess is the girlfriend is into spanking and stumbled into this culture online, and seeing it as a way to fulfill her kink suggested it to her boyfriend. But that's a (fucked up) lifestyle that isn't just about sex, it's about treating women like abused children. I can see an appeal, it excuses her from any responsibility since it assumes she cannot make decisions without 'training', but she's probably struggling with the whole concept. Hopefully they can work together to figure out how to meet her kink desires separately from the work she needs to do to live a responsible adult life.

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Nashsonleathergoods t1_j6lgj1x wrote

Now is the time to have a real talk. There always needs to be a safe word. Even as simple as "red light". But she needs aftercare and to know that she can trust you. Go talk to her and you guys will be able to move pass this and be stronger for it.

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atlas_mornings t1_j6lvkq7 wrote

This, seriously. The safe word is for both the dom and the sub's sake, the dom needs a way to check in

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Girlmode t1_j6mifr9 wrote

Its not just learning what to say. It's learning to say much of anything. It took me ages to break being submissive and say things had gone to far.

Pain I could put up with to any extent really and much like ops girlfriend sounds if I was in a bad place in life, it potentially travels into the I hate myself and deserve this space. Rather than just haha I'm so naughty punish me daddy space. It's also really hard to not escalate the pain as you've already taken x before and you feel like a failure if one day you're super sensitive.

But choking I could tell my bf really liked and I enjoyed the high, no amount really gave me discomfort. But I'd be on the verge of passing out and be like "well I don't want to ruin it for him" and not try to communicate at all. Which was all well and good until ya know... passed out.

Not the best way to have to really work on talking. Was hard for me as my limits alwyas been above partners and I literally didn't know how to say anything in sub space, the words just wouldn't come out.

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peckerlips t1_j6oxgjn wrote

This.

After care is just as important for the dom as it is for the sub. OP feels bad for pushing his gf past the limits because she didn't stay to talk it out and come down from the intensity.

Gf also needs to learn limits. Not only her pain threshold, but what actions are allowed to be punished for. It's incredibly unhealthy that she decided it would be okay to play with fire, just to get punished.

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GirlsAndChemicals t1_j6lkpeu wrote

If she's saying she wants you to go hard on her because she feels genuinely guilty and she thinks she deserves it... Kinda sounds an awful lot like it's less of a kink thing and more of a "self harm via you" thing. You had her consent (sort of--no safe words is a bad plan always and inherently blurs the line between consent and no consent when things get intense), but even having consent doesn't mean that it can't still be harmful. Lots of people with trauma reenact it in ways like this, and while it can be fun and even healing if it's done properly, it can also 100% be very damaging and retraumatizing if it's not. Not saying that's her situation, but I wouldn't rule it out. Y'all really need to talk about this stuff.

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puja713890 t1_j6m27bo wrote

I agree completely. It's one thing to get spanked as role play but it's another if she says she deserved it in all seriousness. There may be a psychological reason behind her behaviour that you should talk about.

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Minimum_Box4491 t1_j6li62b wrote

Three words: TALK TO HER.

Two more words: SAFE WORD!

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ryanCrypt t1_j6m0d86 wrote

One word: supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Zero words:

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ryanCrypt t1_j6m1trq wrote

Negative one word: Hey, who stole my ?

Negative two words: You'll never catch, .

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Plenty_Intention1991 t1_j6lfs63 wrote

Three words. Talk to her. No point telling reddit about this. If you felt uncomfortable with what you did then talk to her about it. If you’re messing with any of these kind of activities you should 100% have a safe word and as long as the two of you communicate you will always be on the same page and you won’t have to worry like this.

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Magnahelix t1_j6llsmw wrote

Is her bad behavior becoming more extreme because to increase the level of punishment because she needs more to satisfy her kink? This could turn into a runaway train, if you catch my meaning. Kind of like the old coke commercial...I do more coke so I can work more hours so I can make more money so I can do more coke so I can work more hours so I can make more money so I can do more coke..... Get out in front of this, soon, before things take a bad turn for both of you.

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reallybigfeet t1_j6ncteb wrote

You are playing with sexual behaviors that neither of you understand. Back out all the way from this and start over.

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ComprehensiveWin8019 t1_j6lfwvm wrote

You severely messed up mate, to go that hard without talking about safe words is pretty bad. Especially since you normally don’t go that far. You should have talked to her first about how much pain or tools you’d use.

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InterMando5555 t1_j6mh2w7 wrote

Safe word, absolutely yes. But is no one talking about how she almost burnt the house down? And that her actual beahviour is becoming increasingly reckless and erratic? Surely there's something bigger at play here that should be addressed beyond a safe word?

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HarryHacker42 t1_j6lvcdo wrote

After a lot of research and reading tons of posts, I can tell you the best safeword is "Bedbugs". Nobody continues what they are doing after somebody says "Bedbugs", especially near a bed. It is the universal safe word, even if you haven't discussed safe words.

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Ocean_Spice t1_j6m59in wrote

Why would her crying be normal? Does she usually cry?

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sirdodger t1_j6ngdm4 wrote

Communication

Safe word

Aftercare

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twohedwlf t1_j6oufiq wrote

This is why safewords were invented.

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ellamine t1_j6ov35w wrote

I haven’t seen this mentioned yet but it seems to me like your gf has some serious stuff going on (self hate, guilt, etc)

She seems to be intentionally escalating her poor behaviors in order to be punished, which is not safe or fair to you. She will eventually do something irreversibly damaging if nothing changes.

She is also using you as a form of self harm. If she truely believes that she deserves punishment for this stuff, then she has something serious going on, and you can make things worse by reinforcing this thought pattern of hers. So NO MORE bdsm play until she gets some therapy, she proves that she isn’t going to intentionally sabotage things anymore, and you both read up on basic bdsm protocols and safe words.

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Redbeard4006 t1_j6lw2ov wrote

Obviously you need to talk to her, and if you haven't worked it out for yourself already you ALWAYS need a safe word if you are going to do anything that involves the possibility of you not stopping when you are explicitly told to stop.

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Bloodiest-Taint t1_j6m22g2 wrote

This is why I hate these kinds of relationships. Once you cross their line, there is no turning back. Too fine a line between BDSM and a domestic abuse relationship. She can now send your ass to prison since she decided your crossed the line. Better to just avoid these. However, if not, get documentation like texts that proves she has been asking to be punished that hard. Don’t feel guilty about this. She’s the one asking for it. You made a mistake you didn’t know about. If she set no limitations, she should apologize. Only she knows her pain tolerance. She needs to make you aware of that.

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imaginewizard t1_j6o0qxs wrote

Safe sex goes both ways, always insist on a safe word ...

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JediKrys t1_j6op2zc wrote

You experienced something called Dom drop. It’s when we as the Dom feel guilty or like we’ve wronged our sub because of the choices we have made. It’s a very normal feeling. You needed some aftercare in the form of reassurance. Communication about scenes and expectations can help this. You don’t do anything wrong at all.

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scarypatato11 t1_j6ljsrs wrote

You are both in a learning curve. Do not hide feelings and be brutally honest. Being completely vulnerable and expressing oneself is the only way to have a successful dom/sub relationship.

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ArkEnd81 t1_j6lx2la wrote

YEAH my husband has went too far spanking till i was in tears with bruised ass.. not cool.

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hsiale t1_j6m09v1 wrote

Hopefully this will teach both of you that violence is not a toy.

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Smallcaged4 t1_j6nniy7 wrote

Safe words. Always have one. Me and my girlfriend use “macaroni and cheese”. Were both into some pretty harsh things so it goes both ways. But that safe words there for safety. These things are built on trust and consent. Just come up with one it’ll take you 2 minutes and save you from this. I feel you though I used to feel bad choking or slapping her. But now it’s nothing to choke her with one hand and jam my fingers in her mouth and spread her jaws to spit in her mouth with the other hand 😂

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Scattercatorwha t1_j6mrwxw wrote

Definitely enforce a safeword. My partner and I have one and it has gotten used only a few times but it's essential. Give her lots of snuggles and kisses !

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mdmenzel t1_j6nalfn wrote

Reminds me of that Ally McBeal storyline where John was informed that Nelle wanted to try spanking. Lol

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phobos33 t1_j6paar4 wrote

Spanking doesn't help kids, nor does it help adults. You need to get this woman some actual mental help.

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Xurza t1_j6nlxdy wrote

gotta set boundries. you did nothing wrong and if you dont have a safe word you have to assume shes still role playing.

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tyleer87 t1_j6owvra wrote

Good advice here. But question: do you know for a fact that this fire thing actually happened? The only way for this sort of thing to (possibly) have a positive long term effect on behavior is to include spanking right where she likes it best just for fun, but to push her limits when she dun fucked up. Like i looove being kicked, so its never a punishment, but when the rubber paddle comes out im like, aw fuck, this is gonna be torture, and while i still enjoy it in a way, i can only do so much before safewording. Im a huge fan of red yellow green for safewords, so if youre really looking to punish, aim for say, three yellows. Your/her mileage may vary.

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SeniorRogers t1_j6p1yzl wrote

So when she burns down the house, how many spanks does she get?

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wellhungblack1 t1_j6p9szh wrote

First off apologize and acknowledge your mistake to her. Do not blame her for what you did. You two should try the red, yellow, green light system for short clear communication when you are having a discipline session and want to check in on how she’s doing.

You shouldn’t crucified for what you did, but you should feel like a dumb, callous loser for not being able to differentiate between sexual punishment and genuine pain/torture. Submissiveness is a gift and it’s your responsibility to know your partner’s limits.

Learn from your mistake. Don’t do it again… unless she asks for it

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MotoHULK t1_j6oamr3 wrote

Bro, break up with this crazy bitch. She played with FIRE just to get spanked. She's a jail sentence or grave waiting to happen.

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CheckRaiseMe t1_j6mc28e wrote

You're probably going to have the best sex of your lives when she gets back.

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Fun-Pea-880 t1_j6lfudk wrote

Let's hope she calls the police and files sexual assault charges so everyone who lives nearby you know how fucked up you are.

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DumbestManEver t1_j6lins5 wrote

Your user name indicates you like golden showers but spanking is a bridge too far? 😏

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Fun-Pea-880 t1_j6m7vxf wrote

Reddit picked the username; I think your username suits you well.

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ChocolateUnlucky1214 t1_j6mjif6 wrote

Two things:

  1. You are in the wrong here, deal with it.
  2. Try to make fun of my username, sucka, I've tried and failed so many times.
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Fun-Pea-880 t1_j6nspl2 wrote

  1. I'm not in the wrong
  2. Ironic you are picking on me for making fun of a username which is precisely what /u/DumbestManEver did.

You would make an excellent republican because you call out the exact thing you are.

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