So basically I (17m) told my two friends (17m and 17f) what I really think of them. Yesterday we went to the theatre for a school trip and since the play started at 19:30 pm I thought maybe when it ended we could eat something together, so I ask them in the morning. They said we'll make you know, and didn't text or call me. So we arrive at the theatre and I ask them if maybe they want to eat with me, and they said no. Ok, I guess. At the end of the play we were going home when a group of their friends asked them if they wanted to eat with them, and they said yes. I saw red. I asked them both to talk in private and told them that I'm tired of begging every time just so that we could maybe spend time together, that are 2 years that I ask them to do something and they always say no. (We had a group chat with other people, and i texted them like once or twice a week for every week and we went to eat something together like 3 times in a year). I'm currently going to a psychologist for this, I have trust issues and I don't know why. But from yesterday night they don't talk to me, and I don't talk to them. P.s.: They have other friends and go out quite regularly. P.p.s.: I have other friends in another city. P.p.p.s.: sorry for bad English TL;DR: I told my friends I'm tired that they exclude me, and they are not talking to me.
Comments
pseudo44 OP t1_j3vy4o5 wrote
If only someone would look happy/excited when is with me...
ButterMyMuffin t1_j3w01h4 wrote
This is not the way to think mydude. You got to be comfortable with yourself and these feelings will move on. I’ve been through the same stuff, it hurts a lot. It happened to me a couple of months ago but now things are much better now, keep the hope that things will improve and you will look back at this and smile at the changes that have come about.
pseudo44 OP t1_j3wc4i3 wrote
I'll try, and thank you for your words
BitchInBoots66 t1_j3w097i wrote
That's something you can work on. Develop or broaden your interests/hobbies/schooling etc, anything you love to talk about, then find people who want to share that with you.
Also, things like smiling and eye contact. Always asking questions and taking a keen interest in other people. Being a good listener. There's lots of things you can work on if you think people don't want to spend time with you.
But, it could easily be a case of the wrong people. Not everyone gets on. And even among those who do, not everyone is a good fit friend wise. There are many people that I like as people but we would never work as friends.
Good luck op.
pseudo44 OP t1_j3wceqo wrote
Well actually I already do all those things, but in my school there is no one who shares my interests
TheRealTwiner t1_j3waypu wrote
"If you're not you, you may get more friends"
Top notch advice here bub.
All you're saying here is that op is not good enough, and that is a shit take.
Squigglepig52 t1_j3wn5ge wrote
Well, except for the part where they said it could just be the other people not being the right kind of people.
Kemel90 t1_j3vvsak wrote
Fuck them. They are not your friends.
Mordyth t1_j3vw2oc wrote
Fuck those guys. They're not friends. You're only 17, go find new mates
pseudo44 OP t1_j3vxzhj wrote
Yeah but I am shy and introverted, so finding new friends isn't that easy
maguchifujiwara t1_j3vyfc0 wrote
Look, as someone who was in your shoes not long ago, it’s not worth going through the pain over and over just to feel the slight chance of happiness is these kinda relationships. Be yourself and true to you and everything else will fall into place eventually.
pseudo44 OP t1_j3vyiqj wrote
Thanks, I'll try
Mordyth t1_j3xqzij wrote
If you don't take a stand, you'll be a doormat forever. Learn to do it while you're with these guys do you know how it's done before it's a romantic relationship. Otherwise you'll end up married to someone who makes your life miserable and you'll have no way out
eejjkk t1_j3w0ymr wrote
This is good advice.
DoctorPromethazine t1_j40yo50 wrote
Better to take time finding true friends than waste that time begging shitty people
Tuga_Lissabon t1_j3w3y97 wrote
OP, let me fix this for you:
" So basically I (17m) told two persons WHOM I THOUGHT WERE friends (17m and 17f) "
They were not. Rest is simply a consequence.
h0t_doG t1_j3wjvcj wrote
I’m so sorry this happened but those aren’t true friends:(
3bag t1_j3wmwz3 wrote
You need to find new friends. these guys suck. Can you find a hobby or night class where you might meet new people?
pseudo44 OP t1_j3xyy2l wrote
I can't find a night class since I'd actually like to sleep, but I want to start playing chess in a school, sooo
zepplinc20 t1_j3vzi6k wrote
Yeah those aren't friends.
wittiestphrase t1_j3w7xkh wrote
There’s no FU here. You aren’t really friends. And that’s ok. You learned that, so it’s time to move on. Try to spend your time with people that want to spend theirs with you. Chasing people you think you should hang out with will not lead to anything good.
Loud-Bee6673 t1_j3xtiq2 wrote
If there is one thing I learned as I got older that has saved me a lot of anguish, it is that I can’t make anyone like me. Judge people how they treat you - in this case these people are not your friends. Nothing you say or do will change that. Cut your losses and focus on people with whom you have interests in common.
SillyKing9012 t1_j3y03rz wrote
Hot take, it shows through the desperation that you appear to be clingy. Friends are friends, they are not like your lovers or something. It is good that you are open to clear communication about your feelings and everything, but you should save it for people who will care. Realise that some friends you keep a distance with, and other friends you are really close with. It's something you have to come to terms as you get to know them, sometimes that's just the way things are. Maybe you don't vibe the same or don't have much in common, that's okay. Like someone else said, don't force it.
thylocene t1_j3y1dlp wrote
Dropping people who don’t care about you from your life isn’t a fu. There are a lot of people who will tag along with someone they don’t really like just because they’ve got nothing better to do. But the moment there is they’re gone. Those people don’t belong in your life. Find people who genuinely like you for you and want to spend time with you.
feelingodysseyreddit t1_j3yogdu wrote
I know it hurts, and I’m sorry for that, but it is true that they aren’t your friends, but being teenagers they don’t know how to let you know and you don’t know how to see it. I truly don’t mean to be patronising, I’ve been there so many times, and in fact it’s only now in my 40s that I’ve realised that the handful of friends I have are really all that matter. They are reliable and the friendship is mutual. But I do remember that pain, that rejection, so I want you to try to believe in yourself and that you will find your people. At 17 I imagine you will have a change coming up, a new school or college? The perfect opportunity to meet new people. And when you do just relax and see what develops. This experience will help you see the signs - for example if you ask them out a few times and it never happens, step back and see if they do. And if they don’t that’s ok, they can still be acquaintances! You can develop as an individual, find things you enjoy doing and take classes in them. You are very young and you have plenty of time to find people who make you feel good. Best wishes
pseudo44 OP t1_j408974 wrote
Yeah in two years I'll go to university, but the major pain come from the fact that I already told them my story of bullism and I told them to just say to me if they didn't want to be my friends, I also told them that I was going to a psychologist for this and they did nothing, they didn't even talk to me
feelingodysseyreddit t1_j418ozw wrote
I imagine they feel terrible for making you feel terrible, but they probably also don’t want to keep leading you on. It’s better for everyone now that you know where you stand and they can stop pretending. It’s actually very very hard to tell someone you don’t want to be friends with them, especially if you feel sorry for them. It’s time to draw a line and move on. You are worthy of people who are genuine friends so don’t waste any more energy or emotion on those people. Maybe there are clubs and classes you can do now that will occupy you, or look out for other people who are on the periphery of friendship groups, or who tend to be alone, and see if you can get to know each other. Good luck and believe in yourself as a worthy individual
pseudo44 OP t1_j42scwo wrote
Thank you, I really appreciate what you are writing and I'll try doing that
AUTOMATIC_RULES t1_j3zixp9 wrote
I had a hard time with friends lasting while growing up. At one point in HS I had no friends. Wasn’t till college I met a few people and later on being introduced to their friends, that now I got a group of people I can call friends. You’ll find other people eventually.
StokFlame t1_j40yfi4 wrote
This isn't a fuck up, this is wising up. Those people suck. Hopefully you find better.
[deleted] t1_j3vwlvd wrote
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[deleted] t1_j3w9d4e wrote
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smudgetimeusa t1_j4400ht wrote
To many damn kids on Reddit.
pseudo44 OP t1_j47pkk8 wrote
I'm sorry my age isn't enough for you to be on this platform, but as of the law, I legally can access this place, so please stop complaining about this
BitchInBoots66 t1_j3vwcn0 wrote
The problem lies with you thinking that they're your friends, because they're not.
They've been dropping hints that they don't want to spend time with you, but I think they're trying not to hurt your feelings. Unfortunately you haven't picked up on the hints.
You cannot force friendship. For a friendship to work both parties need to want it to, and they clearly don't.
You need to stop contacting them. Be polite if you bump into them or are in a group chat but don't chase them. Apologise for getting stroppy with them. They didn't do anything wrong IMO.
You also should start looking for new friends. Maybe ones that seem happy /excited to spend time with you.