TIFU by sending my friend a condolence message about her Dad dying

Submitted by damndarling t3_10g1ztf in tifu

So, I saw my friend around the university yesterday so I went to talk to her. I feel like it's important to note that she is very quiet. I asked her how she felt about upcoming exams and she said "oh it's fine, but my dad died Friday morning."

I was (naturally) horrified.

I'm going to just quote pretty much verbatim what we said because the wording is important.

Me: Oh my god that's awful! I'd ask you if you're okay but you're obviously not. Do you have exams coming up? (its exam season here)

Her: Well I went home at the weekend to be with my family, but the uni has given me two weeks off so that's good.

Me: Yeah that's understandable! Well please let me know if you need anything at all, just let me know, I hope you're okay.

We said some more things but that's the rough conversation. Later that day I send her a message saying I'm sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how you're feeling etc etc

This morning I woke up to a message from her

"Hey OP, thank you for the lovely message, but I think there's been a misunderstanding - my dad hasn't died."

...

Turns out what she actually said was she had a deadline on Friday morning, and when she said she went home it was because she was stressed about said deadline and she has two weeks off because she doesn't have any exams like everyone else because of her course type, not because the uni had given her bereavement leave as I had assumed.

I'm not quite sure how we managed to have a whole conversation with neither of us realising we were talking about two completely different things. So yeah a huge misunderstanding but in hindsight, pretty funny.

TL;DR - I thought my friend had told me her dad died. Turns out she said she had a deadline.

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stitcherfromnevada t1_j5166hv wrote

My boss had gone deer hunting with some friends and his juvenile son. One of these friends was a police officer (important).

We come in the office that next Monday and boss is very somber. We ask how hunting went. He says, “so and so shot his toe off”. The name I heard was the name of the police officer. I chuckled. A cop seriously has a gun accident?

My boss looks at me like “why in the hell are you laughing?” I say “is he ok?” Boss “yes but he won’t be going to school for a few days?” Me, in my head “school???” I stop and say “wait. WHO did this happen to?” Uh yeah, it was his SON.

Wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

I did explain myself and deeply apologized. It was not held against me.

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AcrobaticSource3 t1_j53la3m wrote

> It was not held against me

Wait, I thought anything you say can and would be used against you in a court of law

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bazjack t1_j524l4n wrote

One time my mother was helping me greatly while I was very ill, and when I recovered a little I posted on FB "My mother is an angel."

Someone thought I was saying she had died and offered condolences.

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Jayellessss t1_j53l616 wrote

When our friend Angel's mother died, Angel's daughter posted on FB without using the word "grandmother" and our friend group briefly thought Angel had died.

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Avacado_007 t1_j50whqr wrote

On a positive note, at least her dad didn't die!

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Kanniebaal t1_j50q2e8 wrote

Me: Yeah that's understandable! Well please let me know if you need anything at all, just let me know, I hope you're okay.

​

my advice; dont offer this to anyone that is in any kind of need. Offer concrete help like can i do your groceries, cleaning or whatever. Everyone is already offering help but leave the initiative to the other person. Dont do this because you will never be called

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mook1178 t1_j50qmiv wrote

But what if I don't actually wan to be called?

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LucidBeaver t1_j518vgj wrote

Then you can respond: “Please let me know what I can do to help. Though I’ve been so busy with work, life, etc and have exams/deadline coming up, I’ll make it work.

Basically, make it about you while still technically offering to help even though you’re basically saying you don’t have time. How to quickly lose a friend 101!

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Arcadian_Parallax t1_j52bnh5 wrote

If I can do anything for you, let me know!

“Okay!”

Can I do your groceries for you?

“Oh no but thank you!”

Let’s be real, people always say the same exact crap and nobody ever takes anyone up on these offers literally ever.

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HamsterSweets t1_j5262y9 wrote

It definitely comes from a place of meaning well but you're right. I had people saying this to me after my daughter's stillbirth and then again when my younger son was not growing in utero, then preemie at 28 weeks so my body wouldn't kill him (as it did to my daughter), then in the NICU (of course) for a long time (he's good now; currently holding him while he sleeps). But I never asked for help from anyone because it felt like far too much of a burden. I probably would have been more likely to accept specific help vs "let me know if you need anything."

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rengothrowaway t1_j53xeo9 wrote

I’m glad you and baby are doing well now. I had to be induced because of IUGR also, but was able to go to 37 weeks.

It was pretty scary.

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HamsterSweets t1_j54mbff wrote

Mine progressed so quickly. Went from weekly scans to twice a week scans to "go in for monitoring" in less than 2 weeks. Then when I got there the hope was to get me to at least 32 weeks but just later that day it turned into "he's going to be born tomorrow." Then he worried them a bit overnight that they brought up the possibility of emergency c-section but luckily we found a sleeping position that kept him stable until the scheduled one. I was so relieved (and exhausted) when I heard him cry that I passed out for the rest of my c-section.

If we hadn't previously decided to be done at 2 kids, we definitely would have stopped after all that. I refuse to go through all that again.

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rengothrowaway t1_j54z6g0 wrote

That is so scary!

I feel so fortunate I was able to get as far along as I was, and that he was 5lbs at birth. We had very few problems, but it was scary to me how tiny he was. Preemie clothes were huge on him.

I’ve said the same about never doing it again. Luckily we had also agreed on two, and already had one. We are done.

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HamsterSweets t1_j5514kl wrote

I'm glad it worked out! You never expect something like that to happen. And our first had been a totally smooth experience.

I always looked at the positives after he was born and sent to NICU. He was/is alive, he did great (though it took him a while to get the hang of feeding). And his diapers in the beginning were so little! They told me to keep a couple (of the 2nd size he wore; I never got a chance to ask about keeping the first size) and I love showing teeny tiny diaper to people. It's the size of my hand when fully unfolded.

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JohnArce t1_j52rncw wrote

Is this a real problem though? I thought it was pretty well established it's mostly a figure of speech or "I'm here if you need to talk", not "I see you've got one person doing the shopping and another doing the dishes, maybe I can walk the dog?"

Just something we say because social norms. If you're decent friends, they might take you up on it, and if they don't, they don't.

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No-Hippo5631 t1_j599pyn wrote

Honestly I say it because I'm clueless and also just awkward-- like I'm fine with small talk and lighthearted joking, or discussing difficult things with close friends. If we're friendly but you're not super close/someone I pretty much consider family basically, then I won't know what you want unless you give me a hint (or say outright), and the more tragic or difficult your situation, the more awkward I'll feel, and the more likely I'll act awkward, muck it up guessing and/or end up saying something that offends you accidentally in the process due to me feeling awkward overriding my ability to human. Just tell me if there's anything imminent, text me if you think of something, text me if you wanna vent, but otherwise I'll assume you wanna be left alone and don't want me making things more complicated for you.

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Swagnets t1_j51a4om wrote

Thanks lifeprotips we'll call you when we need more free regurgitated buzz feed advice.

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Failp0 t1_j52va0i wrote

Lol back in the early 2000s when cell phones weren't a thing, I called my best friend (memorized her number). A woman answered and I said hey gram blah blah is my friends name home? Yep,calls her over, tell her its me and we start talking. Took us 3 minutes to figure out we had no idea who each other was and we both had the names of our respective friends and apparently sounded extremely similar with a similar family set up. We all thought we knew each other. I don't know how that happened or how it took so long to figure out.

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Lone-flamingo t1_j5430sx wrote

I once made a habit of eating at the same fast food restaurant once a week. The cleaner working that same shift was a very friendly and pretty unique-looking girl. I think she had like half an arm or something like that, walked with a limp, and was pale with red hair which is not that common here.

One day she walked up to me, and basically went "hey, are you [name]?" and used my actual first name. So I replied yes and for a moment I was desperately trying to remember if I did know this girl or not. Like I said, she had a pretty unique appearance but I can be extremely unobservant at times so I suppose it was possible I just never noticed that I knew someone who was missing a part of their arm? I have missed similar details before. I have definitely known some people with naturally red hair.

But no, we didn't know each other. She just happened to go to school with someone who looked like me and had the same name as me but I had never even heard of that school so it couldn't have been me.

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Muzzareuss t1_j53uxa0 wrote

I can imagine the conversation from your friends perspective.

Friend: I have a deadline on Friday

OP: OMG! Are you okay? Can I do anything to help? Why are you even here right now?

Friend: yeah I've got 2 weeks off to deal with it (why is OP being so over dramatic about a deadline?).

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psibomber t1_j52pg2i wrote

This is a japanese anime level of misunderstanding. Pretty funny, hope you two laugh it off and continue to be good friends.

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damndarling OP t1_j52svtw wrote

Yeah I saw her today and we had a good laugh about it!

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cliffordc5 t1_j55rc19 wrote

So wait, did her original text actually say her dad died (as in, autocorrect fail)? Or did it say deadline and you just misread it?

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damndarling OP t1_j5ervk1 wrote

It wasn't a text conversation, we were speaking in person. She's quiet and we were in the loud dining hall so I misheard her. I sent her a text, later on, to say "sorry for your loss etc" which is when she told me her dad was in fact alive ahaha

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cliffordc5 t1_j5ezkr8 wrote

Ohhh lol. Got it! Somehow I missed that. I’m so used to people having text conversations vs in person 😂

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[deleted] t1_j502m2f wrote

[deleted]

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damndarling OP t1_j503mk6 wrote

The uni didn't give her two weeks off that was another part I misunderstood/misheard. We're in exam season until 31/01 so nobody has lectures until after that, just exams. However, her course is a only coursework course. Her deadline was last Friday so now that's over she has two weeks off of uni until everyone else's exams are over on 31/01 i.e. she doesn't have any lectures or anything for the next two weeks until they start up again after exam season.

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lukovdolboy t1_j503yf8 wrote

Writing practice for upcoming uni exams no doubt. Typical Shakespearean device.

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west_ofthe_sun t1_j54b1hg wrote

Thats a good ending! Lucky it wasnt the other way around

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No-Hippo5631 t1_j598s4p wrote

This is one of those stores where I'd respond "💀" but I don't want anyone to mistake the slang expression "dead" for my literal expiration

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Building_a_bus t1_j51ymdc wrote

It’s kinda her fault for wording it so odd… who says “I have a deadline on Friday morning” when they mean something is due… and also who says “the uni has given me 2 weeks off” when they’re talking about how they just have time off because they don’t have any upcoming exams?! Lmao

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damndarling OP t1_j52t22u wrote

She did admitted it was her fault for speaking so quietly ahaha, but using the word 'deadline' is pretty common at uni

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Building_a_bus t1_j52yerm wrote

That’s fair! I guess I read it in a weird way, don’t mind me 😂😂😂

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