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Kanniebaal t1_j50q2e8 wrote

Me: Yeah that's understandable! Well please let me know if you need anything at all, just let me know, I hope you're okay.

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my advice; dont offer this to anyone that is in any kind of need. Offer concrete help like can i do your groceries, cleaning or whatever. Everyone is already offering help but leave the initiative to the other person. Dont do this because you will never be called

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mook1178 t1_j50qmiv wrote

But what if I don't actually wan to be called?

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LucidBeaver t1_j518vgj wrote

Then you can respond: “Please let me know what I can do to help. Though I’ve been so busy with work, life, etc and have exams/deadline coming up, I’ll make it work.

Basically, make it about you while still technically offering to help even though you’re basically saying you don’t have time. How to quickly lose a friend 101!

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Arcadian_Parallax t1_j52bnh5 wrote

If I can do anything for you, let me know!

“Okay!”

Can I do your groceries for you?

“Oh no but thank you!”

Let’s be real, people always say the same exact crap and nobody ever takes anyone up on these offers literally ever.

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HamsterSweets t1_j5262y9 wrote

It definitely comes from a place of meaning well but you're right. I had people saying this to me after my daughter's stillbirth and then again when my younger son was not growing in utero, then preemie at 28 weeks so my body wouldn't kill him (as it did to my daughter), then in the NICU (of course) for a long time (he's good now; currently holding him while he sleeps). But I never asked for help from anyone because it felt like far too much of a burden. I probably would have been more likely to accept specific help vs "let me know if you need anything."

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rengothrowaway t1_j53xeo9 wrote

I’m glad you and baby are doing well now. I had to be induced because of IUGR also, but was able to go to 37 weeks.

It was pretty scary.

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HamsterSweets t1_j54mbff wrote

Mine progressed so quickly. Went from weekly scans to twice a week scans to "go in for monitoring" in less than 2 weeks. Then when I got there the hope was to get me to at least 32 weeks but just later that day it turned into "he's going to be born tomorrow." Then he worried them a bit overnight that they brought up the possibility of emergency c-section but luckily we found a sleeping position that kept him stable until the scheduled one. I was so relieved (and exhausted) when I heard him cry that I passed out for the rest of my c-section.

If we hadn't previously decided to be done at 2 kids, we definitely would have stopped after all that. I refuse to go through all that again.

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rengothrowaway t1_j54z6g0 wrote

That is so scary!

I feel so fortunate I was able to get as far along as I was, and that he was 5lbs at birth. We had very few problems, but it was scary to me how tiny he was. Preemie clothes were huge on him.

I’ve said the same about never doing it again. Luckily we had also agreed on two, and already had one. We are done.

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HamsterSweets t1_j5514kl wrote

I'm glad it worked out! You never expect something like that to happen. And our first had been a totally smooth experience.

I always looked at the positives after he was born and sent to NICU. He was/is alive, he did great (though it took him a while to get the hang of feeding). And his diapers in the beginning were so little! They told me to keep a couple (of the 2nd size he wore; I never got a chance to ask about keeping the first size) and I love showing teeny tiny diaper to people. It's the size of my hand when fully unfolded.

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JohnArce t1_j52rncw wrote

Is this a real problem though? I thought it was pretty well established it's mostly a figure of speech or "I'm here if you need to talk", not "I see you've got one person doing the shopping and another doing the dishes, maybe I can walk the dog?"

Just something we say because social norms. If you're decent friends, they might take you up on it, and if they don't, they don't.

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No-Hippo5631 t1_j599pyn wrote

Honestly I say it because I'm clueless and also just awkward-- like I'm fine with small talk and lighthearted joking, or discussing difficult things with close friends. If we're friendly but you're not super close/someone I pretty much consider family basically, then I won't know what you want unless you give me a hint (or say outright), and the more tragic or difficult your situation, the more awkward I'll feel, and the more likely I'll act awkward, muck it up guessing and/or end up saying something that offends you accidentally in the process due to me feeling awkward overriding my ability to human. Just tell me if there's anything imminent, text me if you think of something, text me if you wanna vent, but otherwise I'll assume you wanna be left alone and don't want me making things more complicated for you.

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Swagnets t1_j51a4om wrote

Thanks lifeprotips we'll call you when we need more free regurgitated buzz feed advice.

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