You guys need to stay apart permanently. There is no repairing that relationship because it is very, very fucked up.

This is not the time to play the blame game, this is the time to put your children in a safe environment. I suggest having them stay with a neutral family member or friend as neither of you are stable and can provide that safety. Worst case scenario, involve law enforcement.

You are clearly displaying signs of clinical depression. While this is treatable, the symptoms of the disorder make it hard to seek treatment. Do everything you can to ignore excuses and take advantage of free resources that are available. Use google to find them.

You're not the first person to find themselves in a situation like this and like those before you, you have the ability to overcome this.