Christ. Yeah sounds all round like a bad fucjing environment. Kids are hard.

keeping it real with you yes you definitely sound like the bigger arsehole here. Hopefully with them being away a while you’ll get a bit more rest and time to reflect and think about what a more useful contribution to helping to raise two little ones looks like.

>I get home from work I don't want to do anything but sleep or sit down and do nothing.

I know, the dream. But too bad, it’s not gonna be like that for about 5 years until the youngest is able to self entertain. You gotta watch them, and keep them safe.

Escalating the arguments is also super not healthy. I’m glad you can recognise some of your shittier behaviour outside of the heat of the moment. Use the time they’re not with you wisely to work on all that. You may also want to find a day job to give up the night shift, which I know is another pain in the arse but at least after bed time will give you much needed space to actually enjoy shows or whatever it is that you enjoy without having to be on attention.

Good luck. Give yourself some support. Give your partner and kids some support.