Throwaway account because duh

I am in a committed relationship of about 8 months, Over the weekend I decided to have a sleepover with my 2 best friends. We all got together at my house and did pretty standard activities.

It should be stated that we are all teenagers in this story

The sleeping arrangements, however, were not as standard, I had inflatable beds but we instead decided to share mine since I had a large one and we all liked cuddling.

Important to note I am very platonic with all of them and the friend who is most involved in this story is a lesbian and I'm a guy. At about 2:00 am me and her were cuddling and like hugging, now I am beyond exhausted at this point. I was working with 6 hours of sleep the night before and closing in on 20 hours awake, this might not seem like a lot for some but it's unheard of for me. Anyways I and her were cuddling and my mind was insanely loopy and not functioning, I was easily more than half asleep. Just then I remember that our lips met and we kissed. The kiss felt very platonic and non-romantic, the way you would kiss a family member. After then I slowly start regaining sentience and realize how hard I fucked up I decided to go the bathroom and then downstairs to hide.

I felt sick with guilt and just needed to get away and calm down, my friend eventually found me and we had a conversation about how much we just fucked up and how guilty we felt, and then started thinking about what to do. It's important that at this time I was spiraling hard, I was convinced this was going to ruin my life and that it was all over.

I quickly decided on telling my gf as I didn't want to hide things from her, I drafted a message and sent it to her at about 4:00 am before I went back to sleep. At that time and into the next morning I realized how hard I was spiraling and started feeling a bit better and that my life wasn't over. In the morning she texted me back basically saying that she forgives me and it sounded like an accident and just don't let it happen again. The rest of that day was relatively nice, considering, of course, I was still feeling insanely guilty and awful, I and her were talking as usual and it was nice.

Then today happened

We met up and it was clear she still felt hurt I tried to her in any way I can. While we were sitting she asked "who initiated it" and after I told her no one she asked me to not be so close to her again and considering the context this was beyond understanding. during lunch when we were all present my friend had a breakdown over guilt and my gf said again that it was an accident and it wasn't anybody's fault. I still felt awful with guilt but things were going alright considering the circumstances.

Then the end of the day hit, It is important to note that I had not told the other friend in the bed about what happened as I was still reeling from it myself, I was going to tell him probably today but hadn't got around to it yet. They had a class together before the end I was waiting by her locker as I always do, then they both walked around the corner and her eyes go dead when she sees me. I go up to her and say Hi before then immediately after she goes "what the fuck, why didn't you tell me all of what happened at the sleepover." I am confused as I told her what had happened so I asked panicked "what do you mean" then she says "first you kiss another girl, and then you lie to me!?" after that she starts going off about how I didn't tell the other friend yet and how "he was in the same bed!" and I was extremely caught off guard and scared so I was just saying "he wasn't directly involved" and "I was going to tell him." then she looks at me with the angriest/most dead eyes I have ever seen and slowly shakes her head and I take that as my time to leave.

It's important to note that we were at various stages of undress while in bed as you do while sleeping so that might be what she's referring to but these were my friends and I didn't think anything of it.

I go to my bus and ever so barely keep it together as I head back to my house, tears still pouring down my face. My friend who was also in bed also left the group chat with all of us so I'm pretty sure he hates me too. As soon as I got home I collapsed and began breaking down. I have had issues with seeing myself or others seeing me as a bad person so this has brought all of them back. I ended up ripping some books off the bookshelves as I felt they were taunting me and I ripped my superman poster off of my wall lol. It's just seeing him being the embodiment of a good person and then there's me, a piece of shit, it was just too much.

My dad comes in and tries to pry open what's upsetting me and what happened but I just can't tell him, I am a piece of shit and my whole life is falling apart. I ended up falling back to things I had stopped doing previously such as scratching or hitting myself when I feel like I deserve it, I've probably got several bruises now lol.

I don't even know why I'm posting this, honestly, this has been the only thing stopping me from weeping uncontrollably, or maybe I just needed to tell someone. I honestly don't know what to do, I love her very much and she probably hates me and is going to break up with me, not to mention my other friend who probably hates me now. I just don't know what to do. All of my worst dreams came true

Also if you're going to go into the comments to tell me how bad of a person I am, believe me, I know.

TL;DR I accidentally kissed my friend while exhaustively cuddling and now my life is over

(edit) She broke up with me

(edit2) My other best friend cut contact and wanted to stop being friends

(edit3) it was spread around by the best friend that cut contact and the rumor is getting more and more distorted