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SCWarriors44 t1_jav3tx8 wrote

Reply to comment by 96_doomer in TIL "to pull oneself up by one's bootstraps" is an example of an impossible task. The idiom dates at least to 1834, from the Workingman's Advocate: "It is conjectured that Mr. Murphee will now be enabled to hand himself over the Cumberland river or a barn yard fence by the straps of his boots. by meat-juice

Thanks for the long explanation. You’re very right that I believe there is a severe misunderstanding going on here. Picking yourself up by your bootstraps said to anyone regardless of how they view things isn’t ever meant to be cruel or an insult or insensitive to their situation (to anyone reading this who opposes the saying). As for your scenario with the dead wife, that’s one situation for example you probably wouldn’t even say something like that but if you did the intent would be out of care, like hey pick yourself up bud, I know it sucks and it’ll never get better but let’s get your mind on something else, find a way to move on. Like let’s be tough but in a good way.

But then again that phrase would hardly ever be used in that scenario, it’s really only ever meant to be motivating as you said or as you said again as a response to noticing someone isn’t doing enough for themselves, so then it’s more like hey wake up, trying to make them realize that by living in that doomer mindset isn’t going to fix anything. You gotta take action. I think of it also as a teach a man to fish vs giving him fish kind of thing. I think you should teach a man to fish whereas I see the other side just complaining that they don’t like the fish or that there isn’t enough fish or what have you. And as I said before I only want to help those who want to help themselves. If you don’t want to pick yourself up then there is no use in me helping you, you’ll be right back in the same spot again then kind of thing. That tells me you don’t want to grow or improve then. But hey again thanks for the long, honest, and respectful response unlike some of the others.

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96_doomer t1_jb0xxew wrote

>But hey again thanks for the long, honest, and respectful response unlike some of the others.

Ur welcome. Dont take that in a wrong way, like I said two perspectives, its almost as if both people are living in different worlds, so even though u may have intended it as helpful advice, from their perspective, it can be seen as cold statement without empathy, although that's not u are trying to do at all. But likewise, from your POV, it may feel like they are just lazy or dont want to to face their problems but like I mentioned, there could be deep rooted problems, which could make them feel like hopeless, like truly hopeless, u genuinely don't think u maybe able to get out of that situation even though that may not be true,but that's what it might feel like to them, and that's when, external advice may feel cold to them, while to u it may feel like they dont want to help themselves. Which might not be the case.because they can't see that perspective. So overall basically like a miscommunication AFAIK.

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