It breaks my heart that due to someone's selfishness and callousness that someone so great with so many gifts to give the world had to suffer so deeply and his life cut short. I want to put it on billboards for people to see the result of SA in people's lives. That it is a very big deal.

While nothing I say is going to take that away for you, please know that you are just as worthy as anyone to call a crisis hotline. You have just as much a chance as anyone to steer yourself out of a crisis.

I have struggled with depression on and off for most of my life and what helped me is educating myself on the things that I was struggling with. Whatever I was feeling I put into the search bar on YouTube and watched videos of people talking about that emotion. I found blogs and YouTube channels that help to educate me on the things that I needed help with like relationships and attachment disorder. I feel like anything that we struggle with can be overcome with wisdom. Perhaps my techniques might help your situation.