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samx3i t1_isync9a wrote

Or worse!

Ever sneeze intensely and unexpectedly when you've got a serious case of the runs and you don't have time to properly prepare with a good clench and blow out the seat of your pants whilst attending a children's birthday party on the rare occasion you decide to wear light beige khakis?

Because I sure haven't.

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Tootslama t1_isyr0l5 wrote

I have IBS and have shit myself with absolutely no warning several times. The worst was when I left work in the winter time and treated myself to a hot chocolate from Costa on my way home from work. Big fucking mistake. Waddled home in tears, I think about it often and it was a good 8 years ago.

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samx3i t1_isyrd2g wrote

> Waddled home in tears

Please make this the title of your memoir.

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Ahelex t1_isypcnm wrote

And if you decide to hold up your sneeze, while being just that unlucky, you could have a DIY tracheostomy: https://arstechnica.com/science/2018/01/holding-in-your-snot-rockets-could-blast-a-hole-in-your-throat-doctors-warn/

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sdforbda t1_isyympj wrote

I have so many false sneezes I have learned to never try to hold one back, just maybe move location if I need to.

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Drow_Sucker t1_iszw1ra wrote

My doctor told me to let mine fly (properly covered) due to the sheer force. My wife says they sound like a firearm.

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sdforbda t1_isyyib9 wrote

This sounds like a scene that would happen to Alan from Two and a Half Men. Or me last week but luckily I was home alone, but in shorts, so it got on the floor.

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danteheehaw t1_it1zvec wrote

Pro tip, if you shit on the floor every day you won't feel bad about accidentally shitting on the floor every once in a while.

That's why I shit on my neighbors floor every morning after they leave for work

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