Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

esteban-was-eaten t1_iya9yec wrote

I never thought to measure farts by volume

196

BackdraftRed t1_iyaemfh wrote

They come in pints?

64

idontremembermyuname t1_iybsjv0 wrote

Sure you have, volume can also be measured by decibels

5

fuxximus t1_iycqxv0 wrote

Moisticity and toxicity and of course duration of created orifice, force of expulsion, weight of if included chunks of solid matter, radius of the cone of initial exposure, tho this last can be just calculated using force of expulsion variable and Duration of created orifice variable. I forget the rest

1

DoctorWTF t1_iyc9ln1 wrote

What the fuck do you measure them by then?

4

PooPooDooDoo t1_iydea7h wrote

Does it smell like death or how loud does it sound? Usually the louder they are, the less they smell and vice versa.

1

Skud_NZ t1_iyc8y72 wrote

If anyone gets the farts on the ISS they get made to wear a spacesuit inside, set to recirculate mode

2

Turicus t1_iyci1td wrote

I'm more surprised austronauts aren't using the SI system.

2

reznorwings t1_iya46ic wrote

I mean it's called the musical fruit for a reason.

122

tewnewt t1_iyaj3ad wrote

The more you eat, thee more you toot?

30

Viperbunny t1_iyanpqa wrote

The more you toot, the better you feel.

16

Rosetta-im-Stoned t1_iyapuc0 wrote

Beans, beans for every meal!

16

TetraTimboman t1_iyccqws wrote

Bean beans the wonderful plant - they're a nitrogen fixer - did you know about that?

5

Brokinnogin t1_iyaanfm wrote

Is garlic and protein powder allowed?
That shit could be a war crime.

113

elmanutres t1_iybifio wrote

Are war crimes using chemical warfare punishable in space?

27

AMERICANDECLINE t1_iybn6f3 wrote

Small chemical claims court

13

Perpetual_Doubt t1_iyceb3f wrote

The court will now present specimen A1, a Daewoo 20l 800w Microwave

and specimen A2, an empty tin of John West Tuna

5

Dracoatrox1 t1_iyddzhe wrote

My former roommate was both lactose-intoerant, and had Celiacs.

If he felt slighted in any way, he would order a large cheese pizza, and proceeded to make the neighbors complain about the smell.

1

detumaki t1_iybnmhw wrote

I proudly volunteer to eat these things in great magnitude in space so as to set the court precedent for future generations.

Also because I've been accused of my farts being a war crime in the past and I would love to see that in a courts transcript. I will frame that on my kitchen wall.

7

PhelesDragon t1_iya9w0o wrote

I just imagined a sketch show or a Red Dwarf episode where someone farts and opens a window to air it out and everyone dies.

67

sigint74 t1_iydc07s wrote

Or that mission in Borderlands The Pre Sequel where the scientist on the space station tells you to hold on a sec cause his laboratory is a bit stuffy and opens up the window to cool off...

1

DefiantStomp t1_iyb0fk7 wrote

Well then. TIL I'd be disqualified from being an astronaut because my digestive system makes sure I'm a gassy fellow. It matters not what I eat.

62

Brokinnogin t1_iybk0cv wrote

Oh no DefiantStomp is floating away from the station. His teather came undone!

**unbuttons space suit butt flap

Fear not fellow Astrofarts!

17

iShotTheShariff t1_iycaxnb wrote

Insta-frozen cheeks

4

hidden-in-plainsight t1_iycdm28 wrote

Got a good 90 seconds before that starts to happen.

Fun fact, if you're in sunlight, you're gonna get crispy fried in space. Then, when you pass into a shadow, you start to freeze. Rinse and repeat.

4

Brokinnogin t1_iyceez2 wrote

Without a pressure suit you'll boil before any of that.

2

BlueMonkOne t1_iya9fiy wrote

Do they ban dairy products, brussel sprouts and broccoli as well? If not, this is 100% bean-discrimination.

49

April_Spring_1982 OP t1_iyae32c wrote

According to the article "NASA banned flatulence-inducing foods like beans, cabbage, sprouts and broccoli. " This is from 2010, so standards may have changed. I've read that other banned foods include salt and pepper and bread (crumbs/tiny grains are dangerous).

56

odd_1nt3g3r5 t1_iyaeexs wrote

To expand on the bread thing - they use tortillas instead because of the lack of crumbs

46

April_Spring_1982 OP t1_iyaelw1 wrote

Apparently astronaut ice cream is a lie because it also produces crumbs.

16

starmartyr t1_iyao3mb wrote

It's actually much safer for them to eat normal ice cream.

26

dinoroo t1_iyc4ned wrote

Aside from the possible diarrhea.

1

BlueMatWheel123 t1_iyd4i0z wrote

You get diarrhea from eating ice cream?

I've never heard that before.

I hate to break it to you, but you might be lactose intolerant.

2

BlueMonkOne t1_iyaglvt wrote

Somebody sneezing must send shivers down every astronaut's spine.

12

dinoroo t1_iyc4q4y wrote

I’d usually hold my breath when someoen around me sneezes. So I would definitely die of asphyxiation if it happened in that environment. The little snot-spit droplets would travel forever.

2

MonkeysOnMyBottom t1_iycf0m2 wrote

I'd have to imagine they would stop when they reached a wall, they are a bit sticky

2

everyonemr t1_iyf6ry3 wrote

All the dehydrated gift shop astronaut food are lies.

They put their food in a rehydration machine before eating it.

2

fartfilledpieofpenis t1_iybtjxl wrote

Will you say why crumbs are dangerous?

2

LiamTheHuman t1_iyc2q4b wrote

Imagine little pieces of food floating around everywhere.

3

MonkeysOnMyBottom t1_iycex5a wrote

Do you want ants bred specifically for zero-g? Because that is how you get ants bred specifically for zero-g!

6

Illogical_Blox t1_iycu5uj wrote

Small pieces of things get into sensitive equipment and foul it up.

3

RTSUbiytsa t1_iycb4dg wrote

Crumbs from bread could get into (I believe) the oxidizer (don't quote me this is all from memory at 4 AM) which could then set fire to it and cause a complete destruction of the craft

It was something along those lines, like it's not just that there are little bits of food going around, it's cause of a severe danger - same reason why space pens were invented instead of just using pencils, cause those bits of lead you wipe away after writing don't just go away in space, they get sucked into the ventilation and fuck shit up

1

n0t-again t1_iyceomq wrote

No salt and pepper?!? Now that’s pushing it…

1

OpinionBearSF t1_iycmnff wrote

> No salt and pepper?!? Now that’s pushing it…

They have salt & pepper in liquid form, since using it unmodified in solid form in micro-gravity would be dangerous. For example, it could be accidentally inhaled, get in eyes, etc.

Here's a video (pre-skipped to 14:54) that addresses it.

https://youtu.be/6vVle67Tfjc?t=894

1

awddavis t1_iydf0kt wrote

They actually use salt and pepper “water” so a dissolved solution that allows for seasoning without the crumbs!

1

Exoddity t1_iyb9zvy wrote

Damned pythagoreans trying to push their anti-bean agenda on our astronauts.

7

themanbefore t1_iyaag45 wrote

Just open the airlock for a split second - it'll suck that fart right out. What could possibly go wrong?

41

hvgotcodes t1_iyb5w11 wrote

Blow. It would blow it out.

18

idyl t1_iyba0ot wrote

Memory unlocked: I had a Science teacher back in HS that said something along the lines of, "nothing sucks, it blows." Of course we all just laughed about it rather than understanding it at the time.

15

AirborneRodent t1_iybfpbr wrote

The fart would move from the high-pressure side to the low-pressure side. Whether you call that "suck" or "blow" is just semantics. They're the same thing.

14

imperatorrj t1_iyc5zki wrote

Maybe. it depends on the domain you're talking about. At the level of atoms, the atoms bounce and get pushed to where they don't encounter something to bounce against. At the level of gasses and pressure gradients those individual atoms are not relevant and the emergent behavior can be described as either.

2

themanbefore t1_iyaakle wrote

In space, no one can hear you fart.

15

feor1300 t1_iyb27bt wrote

Not to mention that with conservation of momentum you'd be at risk of giving yourself a concussion with a strong enough jet. lol

12

dr_jiang t1_iyc5ycj wrote

Or you could read the article, which talks about this specifically and points out why you're wrong.

2

feor1300 t1_iycowmb wrote

I'm not trying to be right, it's called a joke.

7

ShitDirigible t1_iyaiesl wrote

I can do more than that without beans.

Guess ill never be allowed in space.

8

pierrekrahn t1_iyamw4d wrote

But spacecrafts do have windows. And they literally have life-saving air filters.

8

mikes_username t1_iyaa9al wrote

Could be powering the ISS some day! 🙏

5

kozmonyet t1_iybq9jt wrote

They also had to remove beans from US air force rations which crews would eat in flight.

The issue was decompression--the gas inside expands as things are adjusted for landing and everyone got uncomfortably gassy during final approach.

I can't imagine what kind of discomfort could come from rapid emergency decompression should one happen to be carrying a big gas load.

5

spyczech t1_iyc8t70 wrote

In case anyone skips reading the article this was of particular interest

" she's heard of improvised experiments. Weightless, the astronauts remove their garments when they feel a big blow coming and, to quote American astronaut Roger Crouch, use intestinal gas as a propellant to, "launch themselves across the middeck."

Roach e-mailed Roger Crouch to ask if this had ever really happened. He was coy:

"He had heard the claims and was dubious. 'The mass and velocity of the expelled gas,' he told me in an e-mail that has forever endeared him to me, 'is very small compared to the mass of the human body.' Thus it was unlikely that it could accelerate a 180-pound astronaut. Crouch pointed out that an exhaled breath doesn't propel an astronaut in any direction, and the lungs hold about six liters of air versus the fart, which, as we learned from Dr. Murphy, holds at most three soda cans worth.""

5

Fobeedo t1_iyc9sbg wrote

I hope I never have to see someone measure farts by the cup ever again

3

kylel999 t1_iycr4xj wrote

So the filters can handle turning your piss back into drinkable water but farts are too much?

3

PissTapeExpert t1_iyackp8 wrote

This must be a relatively new thing, because in the space shuttle menu part of the manual they had chili.

2

April_Spring_1982 OP t1_iyadbrr wrote

I can't view the link. My posted article was from 2010 but there's another one from 2020 that says the same thing. Maybe NASA figured out how to make fart free beans. If they have, then this is government technology that they are keeping secret...

2

Apt_5 t1_iye5yaf wrote

As someone who just got a selk bag and loves Qdoba, make them tell!!

1

zerbey t1_iyco753 wrote

Texas chili doesn't contain beans!

2

_Silly_Wizard_ t1_iyadazo wrote

Chili doesn't have beans, though.

Stew has beans.

People are confused on this, but NASA has a close enough relationship to Texas that they may have gotten it right.

−7

kida80 t1_iyal8hd wrote

Isn't the volume of a gas the volume of it's container? So they would produce 1 spacecraft of flatus. Isn't pressure a better measure? "Its 2 bar of farts in here, open a window"

2

thisusedyet t1_iyb22oi wrote

You would be able to tell by the faint yellowish tint to the air

5

ramriot t1_iybip71 wrote

Well, strictly there are windows but they are designed to be very difficult to open.

2

nakedonmygoat t1_iybohi1 wrote

I read a book by US astronaut Scott Kelly where he said Russian cosmonauts are given food loaded with dill before going up. (Kelly had to fly out of Russia a few times.) Apparently the dill helps with flatulence, so pre-flight meals are liberally seasoned with dill.

2

raddrobb67 t1_iybe066 wrote

The air at the Bush baked bean plant in Dandridge Tennessee smells like gas.

1

Nutsnboldt t1_iybfcyb wrote

“Banned” vs not brought for practical purposes.

1

MarcusForrest t1_iycpbd2 wrote

The reason doesn't matter - if something is officially prohibited, it is effectively banned.

1

Winnipesaukee t1_iybviuz wrote

"I got the farts again. I got 'em again, Charlie." -John Young

1

Redd_October t1_iybyfyx wrote

I just really wanna know how they're measuring cups of farts. It's there a standard pressure for a cup of farts? Are these pure cups of farts?

1

Vegan_Harvest t1_iyc170f wrote

Eat them for long enough and this won't be a problem, until then it's free fuel.

1

nickyeyez t1_iyc2k5x wrote

I heard it was because the astronauts were getting sudden bursts of acceleration when they were doing lab studies

1

Dirk_Diggler_Kojak t1_iyc2rrk wrote

I see how farting could be a problem in a zero gravity environment...

1

Rincewinded t1_iyc38gk wrote

I think that's just because meat eaters don't tend to get e ought fiber but w/e.

1

Re92 t1_iycfjjh wrote

what kind of beans, coz i switch to black beans and much less farting happins now?

1

Apocrisiary t1_iycjpap wrote

Guess I have astronaut bowels then.

Rarely fart, and my buddy says they just smell like dust. Can't even "dustcrop" him...I CANT HAVE MY REVENGE!

1

Hawksw0rd t1_iycjrni wrote

Huh, I first read that as Starcraft and was even more confused.

1

zerbey t1_iycnzfa wrote

Considering how much effort it takes just to go to the bathroom and the fact they're all living in what is basically a small box for months at a time I imagine they put an enormous amount of research into providing a diet that produces as little gas as possible whilst limiting the number of times they have to go take a shit.

I'm sure personal hygiene is also very high on the list, especially since you can't take a shower every day. Even so, I bet the ISS absolutely stinks most of the time.

1

firelock_ny t1_iydmuns wrote

This makes me think of the 1997 movie RocketMan, which I believe was inspired by the idea of something being about as funny as a fart in a space suit.

1

One-Mud-169 t1_iye519y wrote

....enters the room: Sheldon Cooper

1

opiate_lifer t1_iybkdvt wrote

NASA also feeds astronauts a "low residue diet" to reduce the amount of feces they produce. They to avoid foods high in stuff like insoluble fiber or cellulose, basically anything that is not absorbable.

0

Fetlocks_Glistening t1_iya790n wrote

Cups? Do they like, pour them?

−1

April_Spring_1982 OP t1_iyacynw wrote

Technically, all gases take up space. That's why when breathe into a balloon, you inflate it. I suppose that suggests that you could fart into a balloon and also inflate it... if you could get the seal tight enough.

3

LeTigron t1_iybp2k8 wrote

Redditor, I will submit this theory to a benchmark. Update in six hours. If I don't come back, it's because I'm dead of asphyxia in the line of duty. Tell my waifu pillow that I love her and my neighbour's dog that he's been adopted.

1

Lunchbox3178 t1_iybdr1e wrote

Hmmm, interesting theory. I haven't branched out to balloons, but I did once fart in an old mayonnaise jar and put the lid on tight to see if it would keep the stink in.

0

Fetlocks_Glistening t1_iyaj7wj wrote

I mean, I'll try!

But gases also famously expand to fill all available space, and in weightlessness aren't held down by gravity, so an open-top "cup" doesn't really work very intuitively as a measuring device for gas. Now a medium-sized balloon, or 200ml, I'd understand

−1

pierrekrahn t1_iyaml1c wrote

A cup is a unit of measurement equal to 250ml.

3

HandsOnGeek t1_iyc1888 wrote

Closer to 237ml, but yes: a cup is 8 fluid ounces of volume.

2

DoucheCanoeBruh t1_iyb2nva wrote

I've always wondered if they'd ever considered having astronauts undergo surgery to have a colostomy bag instead of requiring a regular toilet. I know it's a horrible idea, but just wonder if it was a consideration even briefly.

−1

[deleted] t1_iya4h7m wrote

[deleted]

−3

[deleted] t1_iyab895 wrote

[deleted]

−1

TylerBradleyLegend t1_iyan12z wrote

You know you're a redneck when you can speak about Jeff Foxworthy and NASA in the same sentence.

1