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poisonous_frog t1_j5zh8lb wrote

These things don't sound minor


[deleted] t1_j60nadh wrote



redheadedandbold t1_j6281pz wrote

The community is still debating whether C-PTSD is a separate thing, or if it should be classified as, example “childhood trauma + PTSD.”

A therapist explained C-PTSD to me this way: “Soldiers back from Iraq are here (hand held at knee height); C-PTSD, here ( hand held even with eyes).”


Pfeffer_Prinz OP t1_j5zhn83 wrote

> I've wondered if I have ptsd, but also feel like my experiences that may have caused it are so minor in comparison to most, that I feel silly thinking I have some form of ptsd.

This is really really REALLY common for people with PTSD, especially C-PTSD. That is precisely the "diminished sense of self" that's at the core of the disorder.

What you described is horrific and sad. I'm so sorry you went through all that pain. It would make complete sense if you remained traumatized from any of that.

But also remember: a diagnosis is never based on what happened to you, but rather how you came out of it. Different people are affected by things in different ways. A poor kid with nothing may walk away from a 10-car pileup with no emotional scars, while a rich kid with all the comforts in the world can get PTSD from a fender bender.

Diagnosticians don't ask care what happened, but rather how you've been affected.

I hope you can find some clarity & healing soon!


Merzeal t1_j60bqr0 wrote

>This is really really REALLY common for people with PTSD, especially C-PTSD. That is precisely the "diminished sense of self" that's at the core of the disorder.

Can confirm.


Sera6893 t1_j60y30m wrote

Can double confirm. It's mega worse if you are like me and are autistic. Even worse I got dumped after 7yrs by my narcissistic s/o.


Merzeal t1_j615thg wrote


Sorry to hear about your struggles. Hope you're doing alright now.


Sera6893 t1_j61fwm6 wrote

I appreciate the concern. Its been a few months but it hasn't gotten any easier but I'm taking it one day at a time. I'm only worried about the here and now.


Merzeal t1_j61ixh0 wrote

In the moment is the ideal place to be, so looking like your brain is leading you in the right direction. I know all to well what a struggle it can be.


redheadedandbold t1_j62bbfm wrote

Narcissists are one of the world’s evils. I wish you better days. [I use “her” in the following generically. I have no idea if your SO was male or female.] And, therapy! Because it’s important to, 1st, identify all the way a narcissist mind-f*ked you; “manipulated” is rarely a strong enough word to describe the experience. Then, 2nd, you need to absorb and accept that the narcissist abused you based on HER needs. Not on your actions, or your personality, or your “shortcomings,” but on her ego’s needs. You were just another object to help her meet her needs; her criticism was never about you—gaslighting or abusing you was done to make her feel good/safe/superior/etc. In other words, narcissists lie. Therapy helps you to accept and KNOW that the narcissist’s statements about you were lies, the sole purpose of which was to feed the vast, empty, neediness of the narcissist. I think I belabored that enough to pound home the point. Memorize it, repeat it when your confidence wavers. It will help!


Srynaive t1_j5zitdc wrote

Minor compared to what? Silly why? My man, those are pretty traumatic events, all in a short period of time. Have some compassion for yourself. If what happened to you happened to a friend of yours, would you really think their ordeal was minor? Sounds pretty fucking major to me. Only your whole life, and that of your family's, got turned upside down. This is not silly, nor minor.


TrialAndAaron t1_j5zldp1 wrote

Don’t compare your experiences to others. There will always be someone worse.

What you just wrote is insanely traumatic.

Get in therapy and start doing work. That work you do will translate to your kids, dude. It really will. I’m a work in progress but I’m working.

My kid is 6 and recently paused her tablet to talk about a silly argument we got in minutes prior. She literally paused it and said “dad I don’t like acting like this” and we had a good chat about what lead up to it and how we could’ve handled it differently. Most kids in her class cry, scream, kick, yell, etc (and mine does too) but she just not only had a full on grown up conversation about emotions but initiated it!

That wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been working on myself for over a year, making sure that I handle things as well as I can. It made me so proud of her and myself that I’ve been riding that high for days.

The point I’m making is don’t compare your experiences to other people. Just focus on you and your family and start putting in some work. Get your kids in therapy too. Kids LOVE therapy. They just get to go play completely judgment free. It’s the best. I promise the work will pay off


velvetretard t1_j60m4hw wrote

That's wonderful! I'm sure your daughter is very proud of you!


a_common_spring t1_j5zy13s wrote

Doesn't matter if it was major or minor in some kind of empirical sense (which I don't even actually think is measurable). If you have it you have it.

I have cptsd I think, from my childhood. And I have spent years feeling stupid about it because so many other people had childhoods so much worse than mine. Like really. I wasn't even beaten. But I have it.

Maybe some brains are more prone to it? Who knows. But if you have it you have it, and you can get treatment and try to get better.

I'm also exmormon. I think that alone causes CPTSD in some people.


velvetretard t1_j60meet wrote

Your body isn't the only thing that can be beaten. The heart is our fragile source of strength. Knowing your wounds will help it heal, I believe in you!


newlypeaceful t1_j605v6h wrote

Many folks in the cptsd sun have gone through a similar process of feeling like their struggles aren’t “enough” to warrant the deep, lifelong impacts they’re experiencing, like the “should have just been able to get over it.”

That’s a LOT of trauma in a short time. Trauma is often described as too much, too fast, too soon, or too long. You had wayyyy too much, way too fast. You didn’t have time to process and heal before you got hit with another trauma.

Please visit us over at the cPTSD sub and see if you relate to any posts or if any of the resources are helpful for you. There’s a lot of overlap between ptsd and cPTSD, so there might be a resource that is helpful even if you don’t fully identify with cPTSD.

I hope these are the first steps for healing your old wounds 💖


apatheticmugen t1_j610qfk wrote

Whether if you think it’s minor or not doesn’t diminish the effects it had on you. Trauma for some, might not be trauma for you. Whether if you have it or not, the purpose to understand the effects and behaviors you’ve adopted. There’s benefits to recognizing them, and there’s also disadvantages. For many, the reason why people work on it is because it’s been debilitating. Act accordingly to what you want and what you want to learn. Just remember, if you brush off your experiences, it means you can brush off others too.


dressageishard t1_j61sqbw wrote

The symptoms you and your family are experiencing are not minor at all. It seems a lot happened at once to all of you.


awhq t1_j63ph9n wrote

Not even one of those things is minor. All of them in a short period of time is definitely not minor. I really recommend you try and get some counseling for your kids. Find someone who specializes in trauma if at all possible. If you can't do therapy, I'd find some ways to slowly build your kids trust in the world back up. Emphasise that even though some terrible things happened, you are all still together and you'll get stronger together. Daily rituals can help. Little things that reinforce their security every day can bring a lot of comfort.

One of my children was very anxious when he was younger. We did a "Magic circle" at bedtime every night. We made a popping sound (finger in cheek pop), and said "Here's a magic circle to protect you, keep you safe, and wake up with a smile and a laugh."

Make believe is a very powerful tool with children.

I wish you and your family the best.


blurry2o t1_j61yb5q wrote

I told myself for years that my stuff was minor too. I didn't start getting better until I could put to words why it was difficult for me.

Now, I describe how I've improved as having put all the memories that used to hurt to touch into little boxes made of words, and when I touch the memory, I only touch the words, not the feelings I used to feel.

When something triggers my PTSD, I think of the words - this happened in my past, and this is why it scares me now - and I have a sense of understanding about what is happening to me and that I am ok now. It's still hard to be in situations that remind me of the dangerous times, but I can deal with it.

Best wishes to you in getting to that point.


redheadedandbold t1_j627kqs wrote

As others have, let me assure you, you sure sound like you have ptsd. I’m not a professional, I wouldn’t attempt to diagnose—but I have my share of t-shirts, mugs, etc., so…

It is common among people with ptsd to think “compared to others, I didn’t have it so bad.” Think of damage in terms of bands—white, yellow, orange, red, purple. Once you’re inside that ptsd band, there’s no sliding scale. Everyone in the band is Orange. Period.

Religion: The “God’s holy love” schtick is a smoke-screen for some of the most horrible things done to humans. Mormonism can be mild—or it can attempt to control your every thought and action, which of course is grotesque abuse.

Group therapy, emdr therapy—you can see demos, explanations on youtube, check them out—can be quite helpful. I wish you and your family better days.


Crotean t1_j62l4az wrote

I feel you man. Hang in there. In 2015 I had three family members die, 2 from cancer, one from suicide. My mom needed emergency heart surgery and nearly died and it woke me up that I was in a cult and sent me into a terrible suicidal depression that lasted years as I escaped Jehovah's Witnesses, moved and had to learn how to live as a normal adult after 32 years in a cult. Trauma leaves a mark, you went through some serious stuff. Get the help you need. Death and cult escape leave serious marks on the people who experience them.


throwawayestates t1_j62u66i wrote

Trauma is very personal. What you've described could absolutely cause PTSD. Anything could be traumatic, and what's traumatic for some isn't traumatic for others. Post Traumatic Stress is a very normal response. When it's not dealt with, it can result in PTSD.