Crazy people

Submitted by Realistic_Law1226 t3_z8t9am in vermont

On my way to work today I saw that someone had shit by my window. Yes it was 100% human shit. Gotta love Burlington. That is all.

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twdvermont t1_iyd5f4m wrote

As a large dog owner, I'm not sure I could look at an outdoor turd and say it was human with 100% certainty.

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whaletacochamp t1_iydax21 wrote

I would tend to agree as a GSD mix owner. His shits are huge and humanlike. That being said, the maintenance guy at my old apartment used to shit in the yard (long story) and it was very obvious what was human and what was my dogs. Also my dog would try to eat it and roll in it.

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vtdadbod007 t1_iydiacm wrote

Alright…I gotta ask…what’s the long story?

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whaletacochamp t1_iydkr8w wrote

Lol. Apartment out in Charlotte on a big piece of farmland (anyone familiar with charlotte can probably guess who owned it). Maintenance guy was really nice but really rough around the edges - a real salt of the earth vermonter. The only type of person who could actually say they are a "real vermonter" and not have it be eye-roll worthy. You know the accent I'm talking about.

Anyway - he would only fix issues in the apartment, didn't really do any upkeep/non essential maintenance but he was very often on the property doing other work for the landlord (brush hogging, working on the sugarhouse, etc). Apparently he didn't feel comfortable asking to use our bathroom (which is fair since he wasn't really doing work for us) and so he would go just past the edge of the "proper" yard to the other side of a row of spruce trees and take a big nasty shit under the trees before getting back to work.

I would notice because I would walk my dog in the field behind this row of trees, and without fail my dog would sniff out his shit every single time (although sometimes it was very obvious since there was TP blowing across the field).

Same apartment eventually had a catastrophic septic tank failure on thanksgiving. It was a couple weeks before they could get an excavator out so the maintenance guy's solution was to give me a sump pump and a long ass hose and have me go and pump the septic tank myself out onto the lawn each night. But it was very important that I don't damage his hose that i was pumping shit water through because it was his best hose. We moved a few months later after successfully avoiding a fine from the EPA lol

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t3chnobilly t1_iydqgdj wrote

I think I know exactly where your talking about. Was a sweet spot to live

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whaletacochamp t1_iydsr6g wrote

Did you live there at one point? I was in the first floor apt (apt A) and as far as I know the same folks are still in the other units. I hear the folks before me were wild. We went through a number of neighbors the first year we lived there and then the last 5 it was steady.

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t3chnobilly t1_iydtecx wrote

I was upstairs in the mid 2000s. Cool old house in the middle of a sugarbush. We certainly had some fun 😁

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whaletacochamp t1_iydto41 wrote

Were you the ones that made the half pipe in the garage? Or did you shoot down the downstairs neighbors door?? 😆 or maybe you were the ones who got busted growing weed out back? Dismantled the car in the garage and left it there? Had a massive bonfire that you can still see the remnants of today???

How did you like Victor??

Your old bathroom ended up destroying mine, and then the septic tank destroyed itself making the whole apartment almost unlivable. Add on the rats and mice and the land was the only thing keeping us there. Clark was happy to let me hunt out back which was cool and the land was perfect t for our crazy dog.

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sound_of_apocalypto t1_iydxbf5 wrote

Disappointed that you didn’t just start using the area beyond the spruce trees.

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whaletacochamp t1_iye2ox4 wrote

I did piss there quite often, and once caught the neighbor's daughter having relations with her boyfriend back there. That was wicked awkward.

On one fateful night I left my night shift job early due to stomach issues. Had to walk my dog when I got home and i was hit with an un-ignorable urge halfway through his walk and knew I wouldn't make it back to the house. I did use the spruce tree facilities that evening.

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sound_of_apocalypto t1_iyej7hp wrote

Sounds like a surprisingly eventful spot! I wonder if the two lovers knew about the poop.

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Danisue7 t1_iyeja3a wrote

This sounds like where I live now. Was it 3 apartments, two on the ground floor and one upstairs with an attached garage and deck? Straight Vermont guy right down to his name (and I’m a native Vermonter) that mows the lawn?

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whaletacochamp t1_iyev25f wrote

Kinda. Three apts but only one is on the ground floor from the front. Apt A us ground floor, Apt B is above A, and C is above the garage with the entrance out back. Right in spear street, owned by one of the biggest property owners in Charlotte. Local towny mower the lawn but never knew his name.

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Formal_Coyote_5004 t1_iyebui8 wrote

My staffy takes big dumps but there’s a huge difference between dog shit smell and human shit smell… idk

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swordsman917 t1_iydevb4 wrote

I feel like people were shitting outside of windows in the 1800s too, we just didn’t have a forum to talk about it so publicly.

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mycophdstudent t1_iyf6jf9 wrote

You think people in the 19th century took craps under other people's window sills after stealing and eating their pies left to cool?

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raz0rsnak3 t1_iydd6ou wrote

San Fran had the worst public shitting that I've witnessed

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Formal_Coyote_5004 t1_iyed9l0 wrote

Frequented San Francisco in college as an art student (we did field trips to Oakland) and can confirm. Also snorted a line of baking soda because some fucking idiot in my class wanted to buy us some blow but got ripped off. So Oakland/San Francisco 10/10 for entertainment, food and art. 1/10 for cleanliness. For a hippie city it really is dirty

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No-Ganache7168 t1_iydw9oy wrote

Before Covid I used to go to a coed gym. The male locker room had a problem where someone was shitting in the shower. One day a cleaner kept checking each time someone showered and found the perpetrator. Turned out to be a well known Vermonter who often appears as an “expert” on TV. Can’t say anymore as the person was never reported to the police and the pooper hasn’t returned to the gym post covid.

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mdwvt t1_iyfedjt wrote

Does it rhyme with “mess in there”? 😉

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TheMobyDicks t1_iydreg5 wrote

I have pretty bad IBS so when I have to go, I have to go NOW. Took my gf, now wife - surprising after this story, to a nice dinner in Georgetown (back when we both worked in DC) and on the way back to my apartment it hit me. I had to go immediately and thus parked the car and scurried into the bushes to do so. This was at, like, 8 at night. And right in front of the US Department of Energy. It wasn't quick, either. I was hunkered down for probably 20 minutes. Finished my biz and left. Tried to play it cool with the girl and she was like, "You know there's cameras everywhere." Had to laugh thinking of security watching that scene in the morning.

Oh well. Gump was right. Shit happens.

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Realistic_Law1226 OP t1_iydsov8 wrote

Lol I have IBS as well and I still wouldn't shit by somebodys window, atleast you found some bushes 😂

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TheTowerBard t1_iyd87bu wrote

In college in 2001-ish I was walking from one party to another with a group of fellow revelers from the first party. Some kid I didn't know announced he had to take a shit and then immediately walked onto someone's lawn, dropped trou, leaned against the house itself, and went. Most of us kept walking and I never saw that kid again.

I was listening to a show recently where someone recounted driving through a neighborhood in LA late one night (early morning really) and had a sudden emergency. They used someone's lawn out of necessity.

Shit happens?

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Realistic_Law1226 OP t1_iyd9a39 wrote

Lmao I guess but they should have picked it up. Like they had to walk all the way down my private driveway to poop by my window 😂😭

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TheTowerBard t1_iyd9j7i wrote

I'm just grateful the vast majority of us manage to find a bathroom and not wind up in these situations. Sheesh.

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Realistic_Law1226 OP t1_iydccdt wrote

Forreal and the least they could do was clean it up not just leave it there for others to pick up 🤬

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GimmieJohnson t1_iyec57f wrote

At this point just rename Burlington to "Super Rutland".

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Cranky_Yankee t1_iyeuz3a wrote

Other suggestions: Big Rutland North Rutland Rutland On The Lake ….the possibilities are endless

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TheBosborn t1_iyf0tp5 wrote

Saw someone take a shit in a doorway on Church St. back in 2008.

The cops were fully funded and everything!

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VTPeWPeW247 t1_iydcbw5 wrote

If shitting outside is crazy, I don’t want to be sane. FREEDOM!

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Realistic_Law1226 OP t1_iydczto wrote

Shitting in the middle of the woods while camping, sure, shitting down someone's private driveway by their window, no.

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VTPeWPeW247 t1_iyde3xj wrote

Sounds like Birdman was peeping in your windows and got so excited he had to do a number 2. Fairly common in those parts. Just bag it and put it in the proper receptacle.

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Formal_Coyote_5004 t1_iyedh6z wrote

If peeing your pants is cool

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VTPeWPeW247 t1_iyeflz5 wrote

Sounds like you need some more practice.

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Formal_Coyote_5004 t1_iyeft1m wrote

What’s the Myles Davis of shitting yourself … outside. I do need more practice

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VTPeWPeW247 t1_iyeg38p wrote

I’m not sure why you had to bring Myles into the discussion. Wtf did he ever do to you?

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tonyforeman t1_iydy18k wrote

When I was learning the construction trade as a 17 year old , my coworkers ( mostly from Albania) would shit where and when they needed to. The back of a dump truck was always a choice. Off a bridge , on a log , behind anything really. We would all laugh but it was disturbing. When the truck would go get asphalt and it was dumped out hot it was nasty to see / smell the load. Good times

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TwoNewfies t1_iye13nb wrote

Happens again and again at the end of our road in Newfane. We're giant dog owners, and def know the difference. Plus we've never been able to convince the newfs to wipe with paper towels!

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mycophdstudent t1_iyf64az wrote

Imagine what Burlington would be like for you if the weather and climate was akin to southern California.

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TwoPuttPar t1_iyez6aw wrote

I read that in Dane Cook’s voice.

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Nutmegdog1959 t1_iydpb7v wrote

Fifty percent of the worlds population defecates outdoors.

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Syncope7 t1_iye696i wrote

So we should normalize it in Burlington?

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CalicoFlannel t1_iyd4x92 wrote

A crazy world makes people do crazy things.

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triptopdropblop t1_iyd5knf wrote

Yet the rest of us don’t shit on the sidewalk, weird right?

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inflatablemoses t1_iyd7873 wrote

IDK, I saw a mid 20s year old kid shit on the peninsula at oakledge a few years back

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Accomplished_Scar717 t1_iyd9xrt wrote

I have seen whole families pooping on the street in Old Delhi.

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Syncope7 t1_iye6cn4 wrote

Could've sworn we were talking about Burlington, not Old Delhi.

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CalicoFlannel t1_iydkxhk wrote

Shitting on the sidewalk isn't the only crazy thing people do.

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[deleted] t1_iyd919g wrote

[deleted]

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Formal_Coyote_5004 t1_iyedpge wrote

Lolllllll what the fuck does this have to do with work? At all? Bro grow up. Some people don’t want other people taking a shit outside their window.

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