Friend for my wife

Submitted by abitdaft1776 t3_yuicru in vermont

Hello! I have sort of a reverse “I love you man situation”.

My wife works from home and her kid lives with his father in Virginia. My wife is feeling pretty isolated, and I’m looking for some friends for her. She is super sweet, 35 years old, loves puzzles, games, escape rooms, farmers markets. We have two dogs so if you want to have a doggy date I’m sure she would love it. We live in the Highgate area, but she doesn’t mind driving down to Burlington.

Edit: Wow! Thank you everyone who reached out! I appreciate that and will be in touch with everyone. I really appreciate all of it.

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Various-Chipmunk-165 t1_iw9kl13 wrote

Just suggested this on a different post here— have her try bumble bff. I met a good friend here that way.

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Mundane_Income987 t1_iwa3xni wrote

Just beware of people trying to get you to join their mlm ☹️

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cpujockey t1_iwbf4b8 wrote

Or real estate cults.

They're basically the same thing.

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braindepartments t1_iwat55z wrote

I keep hearing horror stories about this! I can’t believe this is a thing.

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youvegotnail t1_iw9yzps wrote

My wife met one of her really good friends on there. She’s in her wedding party now!

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RecycledAir t1_iwa6c3p wrote

I know some people who have had really good luck with bumble BFF.

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Gasket_Goon t1_iwa8aju wrote

My wife used this as well. Also got her out to try new hobbies like running. We've moved out of VT and can't say she's kept in touch with anyone from Bumble BFF, but all the people I've met have been chill.

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JerryKook t1_iw9p0ax wrote

Vermont is not an easy place to make friends. People assume it is but it isn't. Especially the older you get. If you don't have old friends and are old, you are screwed.

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Aoe330 t1_iw9uiaz wrote

And if you get too old, you can't connect with your old friends without a Ouija board.

Seriously though, I worry about retirement. Work is like, 90% of where I socialize.

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JerryKook t1_iw9xyku wrote

Yeah, I was lucky that I moved here when I was young and participated in a lot of activities that introduced me to a lot of people. School & work also helped.

I couldn't imagine moving here if I was older.

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Amplify_Love4715 t1_iwhd0o3 wrote

My wife and I I lived in Vermont when we were a lot younger and had a bunch of friends. We’ll be coming back back after 30 years so I’m sure we won’t run into many of the people we used to know very often and we’ll also be like 45 min north of areas where we used to live. We do have family in VT. so that helps and I’m a musician so I’ll be out playing music as often as I can and hopefully making some new musician friends and connections that way. One of my my best friends here is 25 years younger than I am so age really never factors in for me. I’m looking forward to making lots of new friends!

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computaSaysYes t1_iwcawvn wrote

Welp just work till you keel over. /s

Seriously though did anyone see the local man on the news the other night, machinist still working full time at 80. shudder

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edwardsamson t1_iw9vhh4 wrote

I'm 33 in the Upper Valley and it feels like potential friends just don't exist for me here. Its all either Dartmouth kids I'm 10+ years older than, junkies who couldn't get out of the UV after high school, and people either married with kids or just with kids in general. Oh and I forgot the maga rednecks too.

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nikelz t1_iwa5pec wrote

More people like you exist, we just seem to congregate on the internet instead of wherever 35 year old childless progressives are supposed to hangout in the UV.

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laika404 t1_iwbt30l wrote

Yeah every now and then I see evidence of our group, just wish I knew where to meet others in this group offline...

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Severe_Net_3732 t1_iwsn3ou wrote

There’s an active Upper Valley Young Professionals group for this.

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somedudevt t1_iwhf1s4 wrote

Yup… this is the answer. Pick the hobby you enjoy (something that’s not watching Netflix alone) find a forum/social media group about it. Post the rando doing xyz on x day if anyone is interested post… vet anyone who replies by looking at their post history to make sure they are not a Nazi or conspiracy theory nut. Meet up and do the activity. Repeat the steps till you have a small group of people with similar interests.

There are tons of groups online… going into winter people coop up which is not great, find something outside that’s interesting and then get into that community, whether it’s lake ice skating, xc skiing, snowmobiling, ice fishing, etc.

Most of the people I spend time with regularly are people i either met through common interest forums, or reconnected with in those forum, or are friends of people from those forums.

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MizLucinda t1_iwacwu1 wrote

Someone once told me the only way to make friends in vermont is to have kids, since you’ll end up doing a lot of socializing through elementary school events. I was like, isn’t having kids kind of a big life decision on the off chance I might be friends with some parents in 6 years? Blank stare in response.

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msanthropical t1_iwcco6w wrote

Should we do a CF meet up?

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Averne t1_iwdhhur wrote

I would very much be down for something like that.

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Ok-Fun9346 t1_iwe4m3k wrote

I would be down for a CF meet up too.

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VTPeWPeW247 t1_iwa8xc6 wrote

I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.

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Averne t1_iwdh8v3 wrote

I’m 36 in the Upper Valley! Let’s be friends!

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edwardsamson t1_iwdzb82 wrote

Hello! Are you from the UV originally? What kind of stuff do you like to do?

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Haltmaw t1_ix1w2fr wrote

WRJ has the cartoon college which brings in folks who are in their 20s and 30s from around the world. 🤷🏻‍♂️

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MEuRaH t1_iwbtlu5 wrote

I'm going to disagree. It's very easy through hobbies.

Find a hobby you want to try, join a meetup, join a league, etc. I have 4 hobbies and have more friends than I can keep up with tbh.

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JerryKook t1_iwe7qrb wrote

It works for me as well but not everyone.

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johneerottn2dacore t1_iwb6d9x wrote

At 52... learned this the hard way. Still much love for Burlington though!!! lol

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Pyroechidna1 t1_iwbmg28 wrote

Joining the local fire department is a good way to get integrated with the community.

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MarkVII88 t1_iwbtq86 wrote

Only if you care about being some kind of pillar of the community. What if you just want to pay your taxes, keep your mouth shut, live your life, and occasionally have some folks over for dinner or to watch the game on TV, or to go out cycling or skiing with, for example?

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JerryKook t1_iwbzkhs wrote

True, becoming a volunteer fire person is a huge commitment. One that I was not willing to make.

Love your user name.

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Pyroechidna1 t1_iwdbt30 wrote

Don't be surprised when you call the fire department and no one shows up, it's much closer to happening than you would believe in most of Vermont's towns

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MarkVII88 t1_iwdhv5q wrote

I don't live in a part of VT where that is likely to happen due to proximity of multiple, staffed FD's with overlapping coverage in my area. So, while that may be a concern in some places, it's not for me.

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suzi-r t1_iwcdki3 wrote

Cheers to you for saying that—even more if you’ve done it!! VT life is about community.

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Merino_w00l t1_iw9nzz5 wrote

I think it’s really sweet you are looking out for your wife. It can be really tough to put yourself out there and meet people.

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abitdaft1776 OP t1_iw9pstf wrote

Thanks, She doesn’t use Reddit, but I’ve done several meetups via Reddit and it’s been great.

She is used to meeting other moms through her kid, but without that to facilitate she is having a hard time.

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thisisntreallyme825 t1_iwa9qrp wrote

Has she looked at groups on meetup.com. It’s a great way to meet people with common interests!

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Crushproofx t1_iw9o5ja wrote

Your dms after this: “yes i would love to meet your wife i am totally sane and not a creep at all! I also love all those same things she loves”

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kumie06 t1_iw9tgod wrote

Hey! We moved here a little under 3 years ago. It is hard to make friends for sure. We are in St Albans. Would definitely like to connect.

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SilverKelpie t1_iw9jyv0 wrote

Wish y‘all were closer; I’m a transplant and work-from-home wife too and I’d be totally down to hang out with someone like her, so we’re out there. I hope you find someone!

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gravexflower t1_iwc5l52 wrote

Oh hi!! My spouse and I are fellow NEK transplants, too. Feel free to message me if you'd like!

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in_rotation t1_iw9x1ck wrote

You should try the meetup app. There's groups and activities for everyone there!

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mekissab t1_iw9xs4p wrote

Unfortunately most of the meetup groups I've seen around here are either very niche specific or inactive.

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Unique-Public-8594 t1_iwa87i6 wrote

Call me crazy but I’m thinking the more people participate the more active it will become.

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MarkVII88 t1_iw9ulkl wrote

"Friends"

And willing to drive?

Honestly, it kinda sounds like the setup to an orgy, or at least a throuple.

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jackdpelkey t1_iw9qxpa wrote

Go hang out at the quarry. Sure you’ll meet some interesting folks

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clickmahheels t1_iwbw1ga wrote

If she is used to making friends at child-centered events, she might like community events for adults. Are here any libraries near you that have book clubs? A lot of towns have committees that are desperate for volunteers, too. If she has any interest in being civically involved, it’s a great way to meet and get to know some new people.

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Mobile_Yogurtcloset9 t1_iw9sy09 wrote

I live about 45 south and teach special Ed in Rutland county but hi! Lol

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roflpenguingasm t1_iwa84th wrote

There's a 20-30 something's women in Burlington Facebook group she should join! There are some group chats going on based on different hobbies, remote workers, etc

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ButtonFactoryJoe t1_iwaq51a wrote

Things that have been working for me lately is to just try as much as I can and see what sticks:

  • Doing activities that you enjoy and making friends through shared interests.
  • Meetup app for various activities. Board games group, hiking groups, Forever 38, dog groups, etc all seem to be active.
  • Keep an eye on your local calendar for community and library. Attend things that you're interested in. It's craft fair season so there's some good things to check out there.
  • Since Burlington is an option, look at events for the Boardroom, they do a ladies night and I've also been told that if you show up there's always someone looking to play.
  • Seven Days calendar covers a lot of different events.
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ttvalkyrie25 t1_iwbmk0q wrote

Hey there! I’m in the exact same situation! My husband (32) and I (39) moved here during the pandemic, also work from home, and it’s been hard to make friends.

I’ve been going to the Hula coworking space in Burlington and have been looking for groups on Meetup. I’ve been just trying to put myself in situations where I could naturally meet other likeminded people without having to be at a bar or something.

If you like sports, try hitting up some local adult sports leagues if they exist in your area. I love art so I’ve joined the art school in Burlington.

It’s hard and you’re not likely to make friends immediately but a step in the right direction will get you there eventually.

All the best! You’ve got this!!

Edit: spelling

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cynnamin_bun t1_iwboj18 wrote

Mid 30’s married woman here, I also had a lot of good experiences with BumbleBFF!

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dmurr2019 t1_iwbs1o6 wrote

Hi! I love all those things. I don’t have a dog. I live about an hour away from where you are but never mind driving. I agree with others, it’s really hard to make friends here.

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MEuRaH t1_iwbu7bg wrote

If she loves games and puzzles, there's a board game place in Winooski that has groups that meet regularly. They are super friendly and inviting, and would be a great way to make friends. That would be my number one suggestion. Find out what time the next event is and go!

https://www.theboardroomvt.com/

Bowling league? Billiards, darts, pinball? In my experience, you can easily make friends by joining a league or going to a place that shares a hobby you enjoy that has regulars.

Does it have to be female specific? How about the Queen City Belles & Chimes?

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bond___vagabond t1_iwbxhuy wrote

Just remind her that the jump from friend 0 to friend 1 is the hardest, then it is just exponentially easier after that. Plus moving or COVID, or moving during COVID is a double whammy, for making it harder to meet friends. Does she have any hobbies? I made my few friends mentoring/being mentored in my hobbie or fixing up old junk. Fixing up an old motorcycle or jeep in your front yard, you'll find out every motorcycle or old jeep enthusiast within a 20mi radius real quick, hah. Plus, I prefer working on mechanical stuff to doing cosmetic stuff, I found a dude who is the opposite, I'm learning a bunch, and I can swap engine rebuilding for him making my rust holes smaller, hah. I mentor two younger people too, 20 and 26, I'm 40, who want to learn how to fix old junk. This doesn't take much time, because learning to fix old junk is mostly about just doing it, if you have a more knowledgeable person than you to look over your shoulder, it can prevent that 5% of the time when things could go wrong, and can help more anxious people learn new things, even if they are worried about trying to learn it solo from YouTube videos or something.

Volunteering is a good way to meet cool people. Jerks usually don't bother volunteering for things, lol.

My wife really liked the book "let's get together" all about this subject, making friends and retaining old friends as we go past our 20's.

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indigent_panda t1_iwbzonu wrote

So…..you can just ask for friends….. on the internet’s…… 🥹

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deadowl t1_iwemxnb wrote

Yep, but trust still needs building. Feel free to join #burlington IRC in the sidebar for a bunch of open-minded folks.

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indigent_panda t1_iweng9e wrote

I was being silly at first but read an article today about how men have issues communicating and making friends and thought man, I do need to work on this some. I’ll check that out.

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ThrowRAConfusedQuar t1_iwc0zu8 wrote

Tell her to join the Facebook group Ladies in their 20s/30s in Burlington! I don’t live in the area but I’m in the group and they all seem really friendly and open to meeting new people. And most importantly, tell her to go to the events! I have a similar Facebook group in my region and the people who actually go to the events, even if they’re anxious or shy, make really amazing connections and have found really tight friend groups. That and to a lesser extent bumble BFF are the reason why I have an awesome friend group as the only person under 50 in my town.

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ThrowRAConfusedQuar t1_iwc1cwa wrote

PS - If anyone is seeing this and thinking “I wish my region had this,” make one! Really can’t recommend it enough. More people are in the same boat near you than you think.

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Hungry_Box_1975 t1_iwcbah4 wrote

I tried dragonboating and that finally got me through my six-year lull in friend making here

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suzi-r t1_iwcd4r0 wrote

As a long timer in the UV, can tell you that friends come from shared values & activities. For me, a weekly walking group, a weekly art group, and volunteer work for the town’s elder luncheon group have brought many acquaintances & friends. Having a shared mission really helps. Getting to know local workers can be a path to warm chat beyond basic business. Helping others is a way to help ourselves. What’s yr wife most interested in? A local gardening group, even thru winter, can be fun. A charity or activist group could be an answer. Is there a local listserv or Front Porch group she could join? Once she explores a little, she’ll find a universe out there. Vermont life is quiet, does not scream at you, but there’s far more here than meets the eye.

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Averne t1_iwdi94w wrote

I’m in the UV, too, and would love to hear more about this weekly walking group.

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suzi-r t1_iwe0k5g wrote

My neighbor (about a decade older than I) and I met one sunny day 19 yrs ago and started the walking group as a way for older women to get regular exercise, learn the lay the land better, and have a social outlet. We loved the idea that we’d forget how far we’d walked because we were focused on learning more about each other, area events, and cultural enrichments—also that we’d be safer ganging up without a dog or child to manage. We get together the same day each week year-round dressed for whatever elements prevail at a public area parking lot with lots of space. We chat a few mins, then decide which route—road or park path—would serve most needs. Some folks turn around before others, needing to walk a shorter distance due to recent surgery or an appointment they need to be on time for. Sometimes someone will get a great idea for BBC a walk and we try that. Sometimes someone brings a book of wildflowers and we ID species. (We often slow down for that in May!) Occasionally someone asks us to come to her house for a little party, or arranges a special walking tour (like a nature path or an orchid trail) for those who’d enjoy that. Most of our walkers are from my town; three are from adjacent towns and drive to the meeting spot each week. It’s been great for fresh-air exercise—yes, even in mild-moderate storms and hot days, too. We help each other thru health issues (“who’s the best doctor for—?”) and legal & $ issues (“Can you recommend a good estate attorney? —accountant?) and even help each other with rides when our car’s in the shop. Our group numbers about 15, a good size given our parking needs and the trails we like. You can find walking groups established in a number of towns, often organized as offerings of senior centers and aging resource centers. Some have town-sponsored ones. Some neighborhoods have started them. If you find nothing near you, then ask various folks—your local town clerk or senior center activities coordinator, recreation director, even your librarian. Check your local listservs or Front Porch network. OR, start one yourself. All you need is one or two others. Find common ideas as to how you want it to go. If you’re creative & flexible, you’ll have a great time!

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suzi-r t1_iwe17hh wrote

In the prior post, delete BBC. My autocorrect is after me!

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kapntug t1_iwcoafl wrote

Too bad I'm way too far south. I wish her good luck!

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jcov7 t1_iwez4qp wrote

Highgate here 👍🏼moved up here 6 months ago with my fiancée. She also works from home. We don’t know anyone up here.

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Sockception t1_iwny5ll wrote

If your wife wants to go rock climbing, I’d be down to go with her! I have a free day pass for her in Burlington that I get with my membership, and my s/o doesn’t want to go with me. Lmk

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_brycycle_ t1_iwaes00 wrote

There's a facebook group called Sensi Babeington, if she's of a similar political persuasion could be a great way to meet people.

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Beardly_Smith t1_iw9m4oj wrote

Why doesn't she look herself? I wouldn't want someone looking for friends for me

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