It's been a hard year for me too. My mother died 2 months ago, my best friend of 38 years died in March and my dog died a few days before him. No presents. Outages on and off so no fancy cooking either. Tuna salad sandwich good enough. Streamed some corny movies for free and smoked a lot of the recent harvest.

But I still have 2 great dogs and for the time being, light and warmth and cookies.

I hope we will have more joyful times ahead but in the meantime, know that you are far from alone and take good care.

So sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time. I think there’s a lot of good advice in this thread, but I just wanted to add an additional thing.

You said:

> Trying to fight off that deeply pitted jealousy that creeps up when I hear coworkers talking of their family gatherings, soon it’ll change to everyone talking about all their gifts and family dinners.

I think it’s important to keep in mind that people only advertise the good stuff. So when friends and coworkers are talking about big family gatherings, posting fun photos on social media, and talking about that awesome gift they got, they are curating that to make them look like they’re having an awesome time and everything is great.

They are not telling others about the difficulties their family may be going through, or how they can only put up with less than 24 hours of family due to deep seated dysfunction, or whatever it may be.

I hope you find a way to treat yourself this holiday season and enjoy it on your own terms. Make it your own and do what you enjoy!

Hang in there. Find something to do every day, bonus if it's something you do for yourself.

I'm sorry, but I totally understand. Holidays have always been difficult with my family. Violence when i was a child makes the holidays something to be avoided and every year its "pretend to have holiday cheer" so as not ti be that grinch but it just makes you want to stay away from everyone. We have been totally holiday free for a few years now and it is kind of nice to just sit on the couch and ignore the world. Good luck with the gaming and hope you are able to ignore all the holiday cheer and relax. Its little help, but we when we have our holiday bong later we will think of you in solidarity, so someone is thinking of you!

Most of us go through some years like that. For me it was my late teens and early twenties. You might try Meetup to see if there are groups in your area that appeal to you.

I know it's hard. Just make yourself a steaming mug of hot chocolate and daydream. That's what I did when I had to isolate for covid.

Peace to you.

Cleaning and gaming are things I do too too keep myself occupied. I try to get outside at least for a few minutes every day if possible. A few minutes in the sun, hearing the birds, helps elevate my mood. It's tough when it gets dark so early, thankfully we're getting a few more minutes of sun every day now.

Bad year here too. First holiday since separation/divorce, didn’t get to see my daughter on Xmas day. Broke up with a lady a couple weeks ago, I really liked her but it just wasn’t going to work out. Then realized that my “dating” anniversary with my ex passed as well. Lots to take on and think about this holiday season. I just stayed home and smoked hash while cleaning and organizing. Maybe next year will be better????

Feeling the same. Christmas nostalgia just kills me. I get through it by keeping busy. I read books, practice my guitar, cook something, clean, meditate, study French, exercise. All this keeps me feeling like I have a purpose and a challenge. No looking back, just move forward my friend, just move forward.

Sorry you're having a tough time but happy day after Christmas! The holidays can be tough and it does always sound like everyone has great plans but remember, a lot of people don't. They just don't talk about it as much. And if you want to be reminded of the reality of spending time with family, just read AITA today, lol. It is hard to be alone this time of year though, I get it. Go outside and enjoy the sunshine, you'll feel much better!

I sent you a message, I really hope you’re not alone for new years.

You mention it being your first time without a companion/pet; I'm going under the assumption that you lost a pet. In that case, I highly recommend beginning the adoption process for a new pet once you feel like you've done the appropriate amount of grieving.

In my experience, both positive and negative feelings around loneliness will snowball; being able to have one positive boost will help other positives come easier, and help fight back the negatives. Being able to adopt a pet is a much more "in your control" situation than gaining a companion/new human friend. I don't have a dog, but I've heard dog owners say it's a great way to meet new humans while on walks/visits to dog parks as well.

I know when I hit peak-loneliness in mid-2021, my cat was an enormous help.

It can be tough. I'm alone but I do have my cats, which is a lot. It's pretty desolate out there. Good times ahead, do your best!

Just wanted to send you some big love from a kindred spirit who has also been faking it hard! Tea, movies, bong, cookies etc. Keep doing kind things for yourself friend.

I feel ya, somehow this year hit a little harder. Love to you!

Thinking about you. Thanks for posting. Hugs to you.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. The holidays hit different when youre feeling alone. Bongs, exercise, and some time outdoors will do wonders for ya :-) if you ever need anyone to lend an ear, feel free to reach out!

Hey OP. I’m in sort of the same boat here. I walked out of a bad relationship this year and the last of my mostly estranged family passed away this year.

I find the small talk is the worst. I am dreading the office conversations tomorrow asking about my holiday. Truth be told I haven’t left the house since Thursday haven’t spoken to a single soul other than my doggos….but I’m grateful for them.

On the flip side, I’ve got a great job, a warm house and the means to live a comfortable albeit solitary existence. I don’t think anyone at the office knows that I’m alone all the time and I don’t fault them for asking - but it’s all I can do sometimes to grit my teeth and say “oh. I had a quiet weekend” or “yeah, I had a quiet holiday”. I know they mean well but it’s exhausting to put up a brave face all the time - especially to my staff.

No real words of wisdom OP. But maybe a word to those not in this situation to be cognizant that not everyone has family or close friends to spend holidays with and maybe if you keep hearing about my “quiet” weekends that I really don’t want to talk about it and maybe it’d be best to not keep asking.

Read some of the holiday posts in the “am I the asshole” sub. As someone said above, socials are totally filtered and curated to make us green with envy. The AITA has some doozies that will make you miss family less!

My advice is bias, but hit the gym. Physical activity boosts your mood and immune system!

Yup.

On the flip side, I am with two adult sons. I became quite ill and the next day one son had the same whatever. Nasty bug but I tested neg for covid. Not sharing that bong means good health?

Consider creating a “family” or tribe of your own! I have a group of art buds. A friend of mine has a “coven” of antique dealers. Another entertains her hiking group during these otherwise lonely winter holiday weekends. All it takes is one or two others. Decide on a safe way to get together. Divide the chores, find some way to share fun—a creative challenge, a story to bring & share with the group, a game. Keep the event brief but plan for the next time you get together—think of Epiphany, the original Jan. 6. If you have a good time, your group will probably grow. Give this done thought. Feeling sad/depressed us a waste of your sweet life. Pick one potential friend, maybe two, stay positive-minded, and have fun! Or at least a quiet good time. Merikus is right. Lots of folks convince themselves it was wonderful when truth us, it was only some of the time, or only for some of those involved. Hope you’ll stay determined to make life better for yourself (and a new friend or two.) Good wishes to you for a fine new year…all of it.

no advice, just trying to say I feel you, so to speak, to some degree anyway not knowing your situation. the way I look at it, every day I wake up, no matter how shitty, is a day I'm not dead. Dead people miss out on a lot. Dead people never have fun. Dead people make other people sad.

On the flip side, it's awesome that you have had family gatherings and such that you miss now. I think it was Bob Marley who said "don't be sad it's over, be happy it happened.". Hold on to the good times and looks for new holiday experiences in the future.

I've seen a lot of folks mention volunteering for community events and dinners in the area. Maybe chasing down one of those breadcrumb trails might be worthwhile? Probably would meet a lot of interesting people in a similar situation. Don't have to volunteer. Could figure out what people are volunteering for and then show up to those events.

I hereby grant you big cyber hugs in which you feel them lifting your spirit from this stranger who's responding to you on the internet. Take good care!

Ohhh, buddy, have I ever been exactly where you are! I had a stretch of many years of spending Christmas alone.

Here’s what I thought about: Not everyone celebrates Christmas. There are tons of Jews, Quakers, Jehova Witnesses, Muslims, Seventh Day Adventists and many more. For them it’s just a day to either go to work like usual or just hang out at home. Especially since Christmas was on Sunday this year it’s kinda just another weekend.

I hope things get better for you. No advice or anything, just well wishes for you.

I know this post is a few days old, but I just want to say that I feel you. It's a tough time of year when everyone is celebrating their privileges out loud and you want to be happy for them, but it kinda hurts to hear, too. I hope next year, you have some people to spend it with. If you don't, post here again, maybe a week beforehand, and I'm sure someone here would be happy to help.

Sorry to hear this.

How do you hope to change this next year?

Are you making an effort to make new friends and connect with old ones? Reconnecting with family? Finding a significant other?

You have an odd handle, regardless, it's just another day in the loop to trudge through. In addition to what all the other commenters said, and providing you have a ride, you always had the option of volunteering somewhere if you really needed some company. Despite it being the company of strangers and not family, for some it's better than nothing.

I know this rubs some the wrong way, but finding a good faith community helps. Progressive churches especially welcome anyone, and give structure to otherwise open time. They helped me a lot with i was single and friendless in a new city

Nope.