What’s at the end of the investigation? Is there an outcome you want that you can articulate? It is reasonable or achievable? These are important decisions to make and clearly identify when it involves trauma.

One thing that helped me move on from sexual trauma was truly, unyieldingly accepting that there is no justice actually coming. It was a fairy tale told to children. I have a strong moral compass, so it took years to accept that my efforts (legal, with law enforcement, social advocacy, etc) we’re just keeping me mired in the traumas. I thought I could fix something or protect others or that balance was owed, might be the most succinct ways to put it.

It’s noble to pursue this and you may not yet be at the end of the road, but it’s sometimes necessary to accept that there will be no results, at all. It happened and now nothing will happen. The universe shrugs.

From personal experience there can be a lot of pain in continuing to believe in the potential for justice - it’s like a slap in the face over and over and you don’t deserve that. I can’t even imagine how hard this has been for you, especially fighting the machine that is the Church.

Anyways, sometimes it’s just time to take your life back for yourself and only yourself. When you’re ready. Until then, fight your fight and kick ass. You’ve moved a million boulders uphill already.