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MarkinDC24 t1_j3c5s8p wrote

The first thing you need to do is seek stability either physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Physical Safety

In terms of your physical stability, you need to hold yourself accountable and stay at one shelter. Allow the shelter staff to get to know you, point you in the direction of resources, and get used to creating a schedule for yourself. Most people need schedules to stay mentally stable. There is a reason for most of our lives we either are in school, commuting to either work or school, or working. You need to seek stable shelter and hold yourself accountable to staying in one safe place.

Mentally

I strongly suspect you have some trauma. You mentioned being abused in a variety of ways. I implore you, beg of you, please seek mental health help from a certified health care specialist (e.g., therapist). As people, we do not understand our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected. Due to trauma your thoughts could be altered and you need a professional to help you navigate your thoughts. You mentioned suicidal ideation, at this point, you have to choose yourself; if you do not seek help, you may take your own life (just trying to be very clear, it is imperative you seek out a mental health professional).

Spiritually

When you do find stable shelter and take care of your mental health, you also need to recharge your spirit. Anxiety, stress, fear all impact chemicals in the brain. Those chemicals make our bodies tense up, some people can grind their teeth or others heart start to race when their really anxious. The impacts of that stress can negatively impact our spirits. You need a societally acceptable outlet.

Americans do not understand holistic healthcare. Your mental health is connect to your spiritual health. If you jog to release stress, learn how to express gratitude for being able to walk while you jog. Your spirit will feel better for being appreciative of “the little things.” You do not need religion, as most religions will teach you how to keep your spirit positive, you can keep your spirit up yourself. If you do not have religious beliefs, understand you must understand you will have to hold yourself accountable (there is no church, mosque, etc. to do it for you!).

P.S. - one person in the thread starting asking you critical questions. If I recall, he asked about your insurance issue that you have been putting off. It is likely, most people would have done something like change their insurance quickly after moving. I suspect part of the reason you haven’t is because either you are depressed due to your current situation. So again, I implore you seek stable shelter, mend your mind, and build your spirit. You got this!

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idkyikeepmakingnew1s OP t1_j3cj0f7 wrote

Thank you and yeah, I never had insurance before actually. As a matter of fact, this whole ordeal as been opening my eyes to the fact that I have been suppressing past trauma. I HAVE been shirking my responsibilities because of whatever excuse I can come up with. My mental health was never great, and this has been the culmination of that.and the spiritual thing is a understatement bro, like this had been a real eye opener for me.

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MarkinDC24 t1_j3ck06m wrote

You will be fine. Just find a schedule and take things one step at a time. I hope you have or find a network to support you. If you ever need faith in “good people”, re-read some of these comments. There are a lot of good natured people out there.

I hope you take advance of the shelters in our area. And, I can not say it enough, you are more likely to thrive not just survive when you deal with your trauma. Choose you and find a mental health therapist ASAP. Things will start to become a lot less foggy, hard to plan, and stable if you utilize mental health resources.

Best of luck!

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No-Yoghurt9348 t1_j3juo9a wrote

As a person who has gone through this and many other horrors, can I say that it is infuriating to hear, "You will be fine." No, many people do not end up "fine" and it is dismissive of very real and tangible problems with SURVIVAL. Me and my kids were in this situation for ten years and we were never "fine" and considering all the intense trauma, we will never be "fine". Maybe we'll get through it eventually, but I don't consider 3 cases of life long PTSD to be "fine".

Encouragement and kindness is one thing, but please be mindful of language that is dismissive of reality, It's gaslighting.

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MarkinDC24 t1_j3jwfn1 wrote

While I respect your opinion, I do not agree with your claim that I am “gaslighting” anyone.

I can respect that based off your experience you are of the opinion that I was dismissing some of the issues the OP was/is having. What you might not have learned yet, assumptions often lead us to miscommunication. Asking intent is a tool to learn, specifically learn people’s intention. With that said: Gaslighting involves intent, if you ask me. My intent was to reassure the OP, not dismiss or belittle what he has/will experience, so accusing me of gaslighting seems hostile - at best.

I am sorry you suffer from PTSD. I hope you have found the tools or resources to manage your PTSD. And, I sincerely hope you and your children are doing well.

I will continue to learn, reflect, and offer advice.

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No-Yoghurt9348 t1_j4jc70j wrote

I'm sorry, when I said gaslighting, I should have said, "it can be triggering and feel like gaslighting to those who historically have not been heard." Most gaslighting is not done with conscious intent, it's more like confirmation bias. Traumatized people's amygdalas are hyper-reactive and extra-sensitive, so when they hear, "It's going to be fine,", it often can arrive in their brains as, "You have not tried hard enough. You did everything wrong. Stop complaining, shut up and leave me alone." Sadly.

The good news is that if they manage to pull themselves out, they will slowly build up the "I can do this, I will be ok" muscle....Personally I was able to build it up once I got trauma-specialized therapist who acknowledged deeply that I got dealt a really bad hand and life really did suck bad. So now I know and try to share when I can. :-) Thanks for listening.

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MarkinDC24 t1_j4kw1ct wrote

Thank you so much for sharing! I read your post in its entirety and get what you are saying. I know communication is not just what is said but also how it is received. Often, I do not know or think about how what I say is received. With that in mind, I appreciate you sharing how my comment could/is [be] triggering.

As I am going to volunteer with communities experiencing homelessness this year, I will ensure to remember your comments to be supportive - and not trigger anyone. Do no harm and support is my intent.

Thank you for supporting me in learning!

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No-Yoghurt9348 t1_j5alfv8 wrote

Aww, that is so sweet. We all misspeak sometimes, it is part of being human and I believe society has been much too aggressive in "cancelling" humans who do. I choose to believe that most humans are good and that having the courage to share thoughts with others will get us to a much better place faster than shaming.

Also! This is only my opinion, others may feel the opposite about those words. <3

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amboomernotkaren t1_j3d06hi wrote

This little test is a real eye opener on childhood trauma. I suggest you take it so you have an idea that what you went thru will affect you. All the other advice in here is really great.

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean

There might be help here: https://numberstory.org/help-right-now/

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