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FarewellSovereignty t1_j1efa5d wrote

In response, Russias defence industry presents it's new weapon system: AK-47 (meaning it's literally from 1947) but with a bit of the rust polished off with sandpaper

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The_Best_Yak_Ever t1_j1eiwss wrote

:-O! How much of the rust?? No, wait! It doesn’t matter! I’ll put in an order for fifty thousand of them! You don’t even need to deliver any to me. We’ll bang out the paperwork, and split the allocated cash between us!

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HarryHacker42 t1_j1fx25m wrote

Rust seasons the bullets so they have a unique flavor.

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The_Best_Yak_Ever t1_j1fzehk wrote

And don’t forget about giving the recipient of the round tetanus! By Jove, they’re basically a super weapon, and we should get bonuses for our super weapon development!

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awkward_replies_2 t1_j1gi03t wrote

Mosin Nagant with all the wooden parts painted to look like carbon fibre, THREE laser pointers attached in different colours, and a wirelessly charging phone holder attachment.

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DellowFelegate t1_j1g2ilx wrote

>(meaning it's literally from 1947) but with a bit of the rust polished off with sandpaper

"Not great, not terrible."

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Putin_the_Terrible t1_j1ehbdl wrote

When pressed on lack of resources, manpower, and corrupt officials siphoning off funds, Putin retorted: "git gud"

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bert1589 t1_j1frfo1 wrote

I’m not familiar with that command? Did you mean ‘git rebase’

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FM-101 t1_j1ei0pt wrote

Good luck with that. You built up a country that rewards and encourages corruption. Nobody in a position of power in russia got there because of their competence.

Now deal with the consequences.

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HarryHacker42 t1_j1fx7xq wrote

And all the skilled repair people are dead, on the front line, or left the country.

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[deleted] t1_j1f3woj wrote

[deleted]

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TXTCLA55 t1_j1i4qrb wrote

Problem is that the stuff they're buying from their allies is shit. Iran has cobbled together drones under sanctions - they work, but it's like buying a clone of a product from a dollar store. China won't sell them anything and it's the same problem only the product is marginally better, but still a shit copy of an American product.

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Textification t1_j1ejncv wrote

Putin: Up your game!

Industry specialist: Grift faster!

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008Zulu t1_j1f0wm6 wrote

Russian General: We get card from glorious leader Putin, it say "Get better soon!"

Russian Colonel: But, we are not sick...

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HarryHacker42 t1_j1fx9gn wrote

And then they all die of poison.

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RhoOfFeh t1_j1hevkb wrote

Shouldn't have opened that card.

I guess it doesn't matter. New underpants are also being sent.

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HarryHacker42 t1_j1imncf wrote

At least you'll die in a clean pair of underwear, something nobody would have guessed.

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Reddvox t1_j1erwk9 wrote

And quietly many zeroes were added to numbers of produced weapons, and all was good again ...

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gothlaw t1_j1eyblj wrote

This is fantastic news to the many levels along the supply chain and military hierarchy, who are going to steal Russia blind — even as they deliver jackshit, busted shit, or old repurposed shit…

So many new villas in Sochi.

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0x6F1 t1_j1f41gw wrote

But boss, we can’t get all the parts we need. Some of them aren’t made in Russia. The ones out of washing machines don’t work in tanks.

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flopsyplum t1_j1fhykg wrote

"Up your game."

"Stop embezzling our funding."

"..."

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RhoOfFeh t1_j1hexzz wrote

This so calls forthat 'thrown out the window by the boss' cartoon .

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newaliases t1_j1g8h9h wrote

They couldn't for the last few decades, what makes him think they can now that they don't have access to any of the tech they used to have to make anything more sophisticated than a few rusty Soviet-era rifles?

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Speculawyer t1_j1ghtfx wrote

That's not how it works, Vlad. You fucked up.

You can't suddenly start building great weapons when you are sanctioned by so many countries, your smart people left the country, and Russian-speaking Ukrainian spies and saboteurs are all over your country.

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msnrcn t1_j1f3b43 wrote

Up it’s game for the Ukrainian WHAT?

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SoSoUnhelpful t1_j1emw7o wrote

I tell Putin to grow a couple of inches. So what?

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janzeera t1_j1fus14 wrote

That horse has already left the dacha.

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xxdotell t1_j1gbted wrote

A decade late, and a trillion short.

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GabuEx t1_j1gq8yk wrote

"Oh, damn, thank you sir, I hadn't thought of making better weapons, you are a strategic genius." -Russian weapons manufacturers, probably

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Less-Raspberry-6222 t1_j1g65et wrote

I think that train has left the station....full of badly maintained T-62's.

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Deathedge736 t1_j1g6v6z wrote

so now we have reached the wonder weapons stage of hitler's playbook. As per that they will be too little, too late. That assumes that they will work at all.

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Mr-Gibberish134 t1_j1garaf wrote

Lemme guess, 80% of the budget goes to the Yacht and other luxurious bullshits of the oligarchs and 20% goes to the actual military project? This shit is why the US (and any other Western and Asian countries) beat Russia in terms of military tech, cause they actually use the government budget on the military equipment project than using it for their own luxury crap..

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barty82pl t1_j1gfrxy wrote

Ah, so this was the part that was missing from the plan. Now it will work!

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AnthillOmbudsman t1_j1gqv0y wrote

February 24: "Don't up your game."

April: "Don't up your game."

September: "Don't up your game."

December 23: "Okay, I think it's time to up your game, defense industry."

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PxN13 t1_j1h13ls wrote

Is there even an up for them? They're using defective chioa China is shipping them

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Longest_Inch t1_j1h22xk wrote

$10 says he’ll send the failing defense industry leadership to gulags for failure. Further causing more brain drain on their already shitty war effort.

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Rusty_ShaShackleford t1_j1ek9pp wrote

Maybe they should try stepping up their offense industry instead

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TNShadetree t1_j1g3ts8 wrote

If you guys could make something that actually worked as intended, that'd be great.

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tominboise t1_j1gjbaa wrote

I hope that the USA and the rest of the free world that is supporting the Ukraine, has "upped its' game" and increased the production of materials required to prosecute this war. This is settling into a drawn out grind and whoever out produces the other has the odds on their side. The Ukrainians are doing the bleeding - we need to get them everything they need as soon as we can.

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f_leaver t1_j1i3fx6 wrote

Dear leader, we're lining our pockets as fast as we can already, give us a break ffs!

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user745786 t1_j1ihfjd wrote

“Special military operation“!!!

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suzy2013gf t1_j1ha73n wrote

Can puton be held accountable for the massive environmental damage, that he has done, with this stupid war that he started. Isn't there worldwide environmental laws that forbade this s*** behaviour. Imagine cleaning up after all this is over. He should be arrested just for this , by his own country.locked up never to be released.

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