What’s at the end of the investigation? Is there an outcome you want that you can articulate? It is reasonable or achievable? These are important decisions to make and clearly identify when it involves trauma.

One thing that helped me move on from sexual trauma was truly, unyieldingly accepting that there is no justice actually coming. It was a fairy tale told to children. I have a strong moral compass, so it took years to accept that my efforts (legal, with law enforcement, social advocacy, etc) we’re just keeping me mired in the traumas. I thought I could fix something or protect others or that balance was owed, might be the most succinct ways to put it.

It’s noble to pursue this and you may not yet be at the end of the road, but it’s sometimes necessary to accept that there will be no results, at all. It happened and now nothing will happen. The universe shrugs.

From personal experience there can be a lot of pain in continuing to believe in the potential for justice - it’s like a slap in the face over and over and you don’t deserve that. I can’t even imagine how hard this has been for you, especially fighting the machine that is the Church.

Anyways, sometimes it’s just time to take your life back for yourself and only yourself. When you’re ready. Until then, fight your fight and kick ass. You’ve moved a million boulders uphill already.

Yes, please do permeable pavers! You will be pleased. Parking is great and so is capturing fresh water back into the groundwater system instead of routing it to waste lines/city runoff only.

Side note: The flipper next door to us turned an entire grassed yard into a concrete pad and now there’s no water getting in from 400 sq ft. It’s so tragic. No life, at all, but rats. I wish it was illegal to add new concrete pads in yards: especially for flippers bc they can easily afford it and pivot to the pavers without batting an eye.