4_Legged_Duck t1_jdwoapd wrote

You're getting good advice and bad advice.

Find yourself a local lawyer, ask for a consultation to get options (some offer free consultations) and lay out the situation. Explain what you hope to get out of it (such as money back, strip club held accountable for predatory practices) etc and how to go about it.

There are a few options that can follow. The first would possibly be the lawyer sending a letter telling them to refund the money or issues will follow. Lawyer may get DEA and cops involved - guiding you through the process to protect you from blowback.

If you have any drugs in your possession, (car, home, etc) get rid of them before the cops get involved. Do not take any drugs until this process is over. Having been on drugs is a harder crime to prosecute, if any. Were you under the influence? Sure, did you purchase drugs? Yes, but this is also after the fact. Depending on how it's approached, your lawyer can protect you.

But the first step in this is to contact a lawyer, get official, non-reddit options on the table and guidance.


4_Legged_Duck t1_ja8tq1r wrote

Two of my friends hadn't met each other but bumped into an elevator. One was a decade older than the other and is bit stodgy. The younger started singing this song then stepped off the elevator and said nothing. Having my stodgy friend whine about about the young @#$^ in the elevator who sang this only to run into him a few moments later was absolutely priceless and a fun memory.

But outside of that one memory? Fuck this song with a sideways pineapple. I'm right there with you


4_Legged_Duck t1_ja43nlo wrote

> I broke up with a very attractive woman (girl 1) so I could be with a different less attractive woman.

You need to be single for a while. Watch a little less porn and just focus on yourself. Figure out how to mature, how to value a woman for who she is, not how she looks. (Yes, being attracted to someone is important in a relationship. But, you seem fixated on this.) If you contact Girl 1, she'll be mad at you. If she isn't mad and you date her, you'll be immature and break her heart. If you go find a different gf, you'll break her heart too.

You need to become less of an AH inside. You're likely confused on what "feelings" are. We can develop unhealthy, unrealistic, and problematic "attachments" that aren't the same as feelings. We can miss someone physically and sexually but it not be any deeper. Until you've come to learn what these are... you'll cause a lot of problems. People get love mixed up a lot.

And at the end of the day, the way most people learn is by being shitty for a while and then maturing. But the goal is to be as least shitty as you can be. And you wanna know the hardest truth I ever learned?

Once you screw it up, it's nearly impossible to screw it down. You can't put the toothpaste back in the bottle. So learn young and be kind.


4_Legged_Duck t1_j9ub67m wrote

Well, 6 inches isn't really below average and it seems to service pretty well. My wife and i have a friend couple. The guy has a 10 incher with quite large girth and they barely have a sex life because she can't take it. She's in severe pain after and after a few months of dating, that fun wore off more and more.

There's uh aids/extenders he can wear. Sleeves of sort if you actually miss something larger. Focus on cunnilingus or take it anally - often that can make it feel much larger. Exploring some things like that, or kinks, could repair some bonds here.

You've hit on an insecurity that isn't going to to go away any time soon but it is repairable. Good luck!


4_Legged_Duck t1_j9u37k4 wrote

Good luck. Honestly I know a few people with similar rules. They've devolved into righteous sonsabitches that just piss people off constantly. If you're looking for offenses, you'll find them.

You made a post about sexual harassment, being obtuse, rude, and angry that you were called on your behavior. On reddit. Of course people are going to give you grief for it. Then you're mad that they're giving you grief?

Like, fellow redditor, I'm not telling you how to live your life but the anger you carry around with you isn't something you have to do. You can enjoy life and not be feel crapped on all the time. And if you can't get there yourself, it is okay to try to therapy (something you deeply decried in another comment). You just don't deserve to be this on edge.


4_Legged_Duck t1_j9u1ir2 wrote

> But anyways I decided to stop being my usual quiet, recluse self and said that I'm a natural ladies man and can get laid at the drop of a hat, and bragged about my 76 tinder matches.

I'm a professor, but not your professor. I do swear in my lectures. I have a warm class room, students fall asleep and sometimes a swear can really punctuate my delivery and wake people up and catch their attention. It also breaks tension so students feel they can actually talk and participate. It's helpful.

But being a "potty mouth" and talking about sex are two deeply different things. Universities, colleges, and the decorum that's involved calls for more and more divisions between professionalism and sexual topics and activities. Frankly, discussing one's sexual exploits can get construed as sexual harassment in today's America and places of business. The professor likely has to take steps to uphold sexual discourse as the line that can't be crossed to keep students from reporting, getting upset, or just feeling uncomfortable.

I'd draw a similar line. I don't know that I would kick a student out of the course (or if I even have that power frankly). If it were me, depending on the situation I might try to make a glib mark that we just found line the we can't cross and to keep things appropriate to the entire course and possibly follow up with the advisor afterward depending on your delivery and attitude regarding this and why it was inappropriate.

I can see from your other comments in this thread you're pretty unrepentant and aggressive to other posters, so I totally can imagine scenarios of wanting you out of the classroom. You don't "get it." Methinks you might keep FUing for a while.


4_Legged_Duck t1_j6l98i2 wrote

In addition to all this advice, explore what you're feeling. We often lack the emotional language to understand and name what we're feeling when we first feel it. Why are conversations and time spent together different? Sometimes dating can move into a "comfort" stage where things are and they're safe and warm and not goofy or silly and it can be really jarring or alien.

He may be feeling as awkward as you are. Talk it out and take it step by step.


4_Legged_Duck t1_j5v7kcj wrote

I'm an open person in a poly relationship. Bi male, wife is bi. She tends to have more sexual activity (both men and women) than I do. We've been through all the various stages in something like a 15 year relationship. I want to share some thoughts here for OP.

YOU may be bi and have easier connections with women. YOU may be poly. It is common for new poly people to go through periods of jealousy and uncertainty and to struggle there. Open, sincere, and safe conversations can help folks through those stages.

Your partner, this guy, is incredibly toxic, controlling, and abusive. He's highly manipulative and predatory. This dude just reeks of red flags to me in his own words. What's possibly worse? He's completely unaware of those traits and will be resistant to changing them. "I just love her," is really the slippery slope many guys go down in their process of abuse. He made my skin crawl.

Yes, the triad period is fun! Threesomes, other hot chicks! Wow, Dear Penthouse Forums, I never thought it could happen to me! Really intoxicating and enjoyable. The problem is transitioning from there into a more private poly set up, where you also date this woman alone.

Just a brief aside, I'm adamantly kitchen table poly. I don't like dating someone I can't have around my partner. If she feels uncomfortable with us kissing, I'm less into the romance and connection. It's not that she has to like... want... to see that. But if I have my affection or connection it feels like I'm cheating. And this is the same for her. I've met her partners, we've had drinks/dinner together. I kiss her goodbye when she's leaving for a date. It was important for the health of our relationship and to establish feelings of security in each other. The notions of things feeling like they were hidden set off a lot of trauma and bells. But all folks are different in this regard. Some need it to be more hidden.

Yeah, you had a bad reaction to his time with the escort. But consider it was meant to give you that reaction. You reacted the way you were supposed to. And that's really screwed up to me. It's entirely different when you get eased into it, when it's something you're understanding, and done without malicious intent.

This guy is openly saying here that he's ensuring you're anchored and connected to him. He'll go to great lengths to make that happen.

I don't think you're an AH. I think you're confused. I think you made some poor, inexperienced decisions, but it doesn't sound like there was cruelty behind it.

You may not wake up and realize you're a lesbian. You may wake up and realize what he's doing to you... and what he'll do to your kid.


4_Legged_Duck t1_j57oy2y wrote

My mistake, I shouldn't have assumed. Apologies.

Legally, usually, there isn't. But posting it online? You can usually make the webhost take it down (or rather get a lawyer to send a letter if they won't). Making them delete it is a lot harder. You can always ask but there's no way to force that to happen. Good luck


4_Legged_Duck t1_j56wro5 wrote

Pretty obvious OP fucked up and made bad choices and we are all commenting on that, but can we pause for a moment to depreciate how crappy this guy is for recording her without her permission? That crap is awful. Despite everything you did, OP, sorry that happened. Might want to look into a revenge porn laws in your state in case he posts/distributes, whatever.


4_Legged_Duck t1_ir6gww6 wrote

It was hurtful and hits on an insecurity and no reason OP should have gotten that defensive. It would have been far calmer to stick with how she's friends with her exes and ask how it's different. Let people die on their hypocrisy or see the error of their ways. Getting nasty won't help a relationship.

I'm guessing she realized she was being petty pretty quick too.

Some of y'all are so quick with anger and revenge. o.O


4_Legged_Duck t1_ir0pc3t wrote

When it's "not your fault" apologizing hurts your pride. Apologizing when you don't feel at fault can feel like a lie, but part of what you're doing is humbling yourself before that person, saying that you choose them more than your pride. Non-english speaking cultures have this baked into their linguistics. Japanese comes to mind.

A lot of these AITA posts could get solved when the OP of the post just apologizes to their partner/friend/family regardless of who is at fault. You may be right, you may die on your righteous hill, but you're going to lose that connection no matter how right you are.

"Being right" and being right isn't always the same thing. Sometimes it's better to say "I'm sorry, you're right," and choose their feelings over your own.


4_Legged_Duck t1_ir0p0yz wrote

I'm going to push back. I don't think what this user is saying is empathy.

Empathy is, sure, when you can see something from someone else's point of view, understand their experience, etc. Absolutely.

That is not what this user is saying. Regardless of how the other person feels, apologizing can be a way to save a connection. Regardless of why they're hurt, if you see it from their point of view or not.

It's about setting aside your ego and pride and choosing the other person. It's humility.