Ahelex
Ahelex t1_jeedgqh wrote
Reply to TIL Hou Jing, a general during the China's North-South period, seized control of the government of the Liang dynasty by rebelling. After that, in an act of vanity, he gave himself the title of "General of the Universe, Past, Present, and Future, Commander of all Forces in the Six Directions". by zhuquanzhong
Interesting that he didn't try to shoot for "General of the Multiverse", just in case.
Ahelex t1_je9lbnb wrote
Reply to comment by koalawhiskey in Dad Accidentally Orders 60 Pairs of Reading Glasses Because He Couldn’t Read A Website by MrILostTheGame
"I can see the future!"
Ahelex t1_je780j5 wrote
Reply to comment by TobiasMasonPark in Dad Accidentally Orders 60 Pairs of Reading Glasses Because He Couldn’t Read A Website by MrILostTheGame
Is he married to the woman with 27 contact lenses stuck up her eyelid?
Ahelex t1_jdv516r wrote
Reply to comment by Cerrida82 in TSA stirs debate after ruling peanut butter as a liquid by bwaredapenguin
Maybe it's an explosion deck?
Ahelex t1_jdtvk4i wrote
Reply to comment by oodelay in TIL Early Superman comics taught kids how to achieve super-strength through exercises in lifting armchairs, getting a super-grip, and achieving super-vision by glancing at distant and near objects repeatedly by Ok_Copy5217
- Fill pillow with some coins.
- Teach dog to treat pillow as chew toy.
- Throw dog into pillow.
- Dog bites pillow and coins.
- Bitcoin!
Ahelex t1_jdndxj2 wrote
Reply to comment by coolpapa2282 in TIL: Thanks to poor internal communication at NASA, information about a spacesuit water leak wasn't properly communicated. Later, Astronaut Luca Parmitano almost drowned on a July, 2013 ISS space walk, his helmet filling with several liters of water before they could get him back inside. by OvidPerl
Given the cost of dental (since dental is typically not or conditionally covered as part of universal health care for some reason), that's a pretty good blessing.
Ahelex t1_jdmmeir wrote
Reply to comment by Lotharofthepotatoppl in TIL: Thanks to poor internal communication at NASA, information about a spacesuit water leak wasn't properly communicated. Later, Astronaut Luca Parmitano almost drowned on a July, 2013 ISS space walk, his helmet filling with several liters of water before they could get him back inside. by OvidPerl
I don't think anybody aspires to die from infection due to choking on their own saliva.
Ahelex t1_jdimv01 wrote
Reply to comment by hilburn in Potatoes are better than human blood for making space concrete bricks, scientists say by _GreenMartian
I'm struggling a bit to think how there would be enough blood as human liquid waste to be considered for making space bricks.
Ahelex t1_jclkfy5 wrote
Reply to comment by Maanee in TIL that USPS ships day old baby chicks in the mail by shelovesbackshots
Maybe tell them to label it as "Caution: Live Tree"?
Ahelex t1_jclk7f0 wrote
Reply to comment by drowsydrosera in TIL that USPS ships day old baby chicks in the mail by shelovesbackshots
"A swarm of annoyed and confused bees start terrorizing the neighbourhood"
Ahelex t1_jbom58i wrote
Reply to comment by blodskaal in Art swindlers selling fake Goya get paid in photocopied bills by ModmanX
Which actually happened with a drug bust in the US.
Ahelex t1_jbho8lm wrote
Reply to comment by rugbat in Home Ministry of Malaysia seizes sex toys due to fears they "can erode morals, public order and national safety", pose for photo with contraband. by Sombre_Ombre
The spin-off to Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs:
Dildos with a Chance of Rabies
Ahelex t1_jb3sxgo wrote
Reply to comment by Bokbreath in Wife elopes with another man, husband marries her lover's wife as revenge by wewhomustnotbenamed
Or: Wipe swapping with extra sex.
Ahelex t1_jao1dht wrote
Reply to comment by Specialist-Driver-80 in Black fungus covering houses and trees blamed on Jack Daniels’ barrelhouses by kangarooturd
Yeah, no whiff of onion.
A lot of alcohol smell though :P.
Ahelex t1_jao19fq wrote
Reply to comment by GlobalTravelR in Black fungus covering houses and trees blamed on Jack Daniels’ barrelhouses by kangarooturd
Zombies are now joining AA meetings.
Ahelex t1_j9rlk0y wrote
Reply to comment by BubbaYoshi117 in TIL that scientists created contact lenses that zoom when you blink twice through the use of electric impulses by jamjam1090
Isn't that kind of what happened in one of the Mission Impossible films, except instead of zooming in, it's taking pictures every time the main character blinks twice?
Ahelex t1_j9r9lv3 wrote
Reply to comment by ecchi83 in TIL certain moths have developed sound absorbing wings that make it harder for bats to hunt and eat them with their echolocation. The structure of the moth wings might someday help people soundproof places by RainManToothpicks
Thugs in Gotham start covering themselves in moth wings to avoid getting beaten up by Batman.
Mothman now becomes Batman's arch-nemesis.
Ahelex t1_j9qv5v6 wrote
Reply to comment by Sinchanzo in Chemical pollution could be increasing average penis length, scientists warn by jedikraken
Yes.
Radiation gave me the superpower to eject hair faster than the average person.
Ahelex t1_j9jx8pa wrote
Reply to comment by monoflorist in Doctor has sex with patient in emergency department toilets 'to help with chest pain' by alyaaz
How cunning.
Ahelex t1_j9depcm wrote
Reply to comment by TimeTravelMishap in UK tax authority nudges net 'influencers': You may owe us for those OnlyFans feet pics by james8475
Would marginal tax mean more of the feet is shown if they are in the next tax bracket?
Ahelex t1_j7x0jdi wrote
Reply to comment by ThePreciseClimber in Killer whale moms are still supporting their adult sons — and it's costing them by RestSnorlax
"Stunning Discovery: Biologists solve mystery of "Yo mama" joke origin"
Ahelex t1_j7wmjgl wrote
Reply to comment by Hawkwise83 in TIL "pruney fingers" are not caused by your skin swelling from absorbing water. They're actually caused by your nervous system constricting the blood vessels in the skin, causing them to shrink and the skin to fold over them. by OverdriverJC
That just means only your left hand gets wrinkly.
Ahelex t1_j7mx81c wrote
Reply to comment by JohnHwagi in MP who watched adult movie in the middle of parliament session resigns: Here's what he said by Moug-10
That's so the men have a third leg for stability while weightlifting.
After all, those milking stools have three legs for a reason :P.
Ahelex t1_j79zlib wrote
Reply to comment by Honigschmidt in Indiana man dies after falling from Puerto Rico cliff while filming a TikTok video by Qlanger
I feel like there must be a lot of mistakes made/bad luck happening to get to the point where "death by pulling the pin from a live grenade because you wanted to take a selfie" becomes reality.
Ahelex t1_jef4eq9 wrote
Reply to comment by Finvy in Man forced to leave home after 17 different cars crashed into his property by ilikeboyswithglasses
Landover CarDrivian.