Alabussy OP t1_iu0gsr7 wrote

Hippos are monsters, dude.

They kill more people in a year than sharks, bears, tigers, and vending machines combined. They can lie in wait – motionless – for hours on end... then launch themselves forward with speed and agility that their massive forms would seem to make impossible. They're also stone-cold murderers with tempers as short as Elon Musk's... well, they're short, that's what I'm saying.

The lion might be "king of the jungle," but the hippopatomus is emperor of Africa.


Alabussy t1_ityfnjb wrote

An old man visits a lawyer to get his affairs in order.

"So, listen to me," the old man says, "I have several million dollars that my family has been slavering over... but unless my funeral happens in exactly the way that I describe, I want all of it to be set on fire."

The lawyer nods. "That's a pretty standard request. How do you want your funeral to go?"

"I want to be laid out in a glass coffin," replies the old man, "I want to be completely naked, and I want the mortician to give me a rock-hard erection."

"That's certainly an interesting request," says the lawyer. "Can I ask why you want it?"

"Call it insurance," the old man answers. "No matter how the funeral goes, everyone will know that someone fucked up."


Alabussy OP t1_ity9d24 wrote

Hey, now, come on.

He has also taken credit for other people's work, caused funding for actual developments to dry up, undermined public-transportation initiatives for his own gain, dropped billions of dollars on projects that he knew were doomed from the get-go, spread scientific misinformation to millions of people, mistreated and sexually abused employees, muddied the waters with regard to artificial intelligence, and repeatedly lied through his teeth about various developments.

All of that must have taken some work, right?