I made the mistake of looking at a sparking transformer when it blew across the street. Took several minutes for my eyesight to return. Would certainly light up the night for a couple blocks

I'm sorry to hear that it sounds like you haven't been having a positive experience with therapy. It can be quite difficult to find the right combination of therapist, treatment, medications, and mindset. Depending, it can also be difficult to identify the root causes of depression, triggers, and accompanying symptoms.

My recommendation is, as much as possible, try use a scientific approach to it. If you can identify what helps make a difference between "meh" and "just ok", that can help a therapist focus on treatment areas. Also be transparent with what works and what doesn't. Depending on your therapist and what they're qualified for, you might respond better to CBT, EMDR, IFS, etc.

Finally, the last thing I can recommend is understanding your own expectations with treatment. It may not be something that can be "cured" per se, but it can be treated and managed. Similar to a physical injury, you may not heal at the same rate or to the same level as someone else. It's important to focus on your own well being and not to try to compare yourself to others. Define what happiness is for you and then try to ignore the grotesque misrepresentation of "happiness" that social media and advertisers try to peddle.

We did come out of the pandemic over the last year. Traffic has gone back up as more places reopen or demand in office presence

Down bad