I honestly would tell the partner but only if A) I had proof (screenshots etc.) and B) I would never meet up with the partner alone.
I would go into the reveal as non-confrontational as possible...for all you know they're in a weird poly relationship where they get off on the extra partner not knowing. Let him know that for the last 2 years, you thought you were exclusively dating his SO and that you apologize if this is not an arrangement the two of them have. In case it wasn't you want to let them know, and give them the opportunity to decide for themselves if they were going to continue thier relationship with all the facts.
Be careful with this. My partner spent a lot of time of dating apps before he met me and caught A LOT of cheaters...he was almost a magnet for them...though it doesn't help that he's one of those people who can sniff out a lie a mile away. Sometimes I feel like it's literally impossible to deceive him. In the beginning he would send evidence to almost every single partner (even though he didn't engage in relationships with these women) - and almost every time he was treated as some sort of villain by the other party. One guy even threatened him with death threats...for sending screenshots of his wife's dating profile and just saying 'Hey, I talked to your wife for a few days on this app, stopped when I found her real FB and saw she was married, and in case this isn't your arrangement I wanted to let you know.'
Eventually, after this reaction became the norm, morals be damned he decided it just wasn't worth the spammed angry messages, threats and hate anymore from people he was trying to help out. So he stopped tattling on the cheaters he encountered online.
A lot of anger may get transfered onto you. Do not expect her partner to be grateful for your information. You've potentially just told them something that can destroy life as they know it and they may get angry at you for it. Which is why I said B) don't agree to meet up and, if you do, certainly not alone. Bring a friend. Make it public. People will sometimes request in persons so they can verify your identity and make sure you're not just some random person trolling them with a fake profile.
AstronomerCold4881 t1_iui5cmv wrote
Reply to I (28M) found out my partner of 2 years (30F) has a long term relationship with another man and I have been the side piece. Do I tell her ‘real’ partner? by [deleted]
I honestly would tell the partner but only if A) I had proof (screenshots etc.) and B) I would never meet up with the partner alone.
I would go into the reveal as non-confrontational as possible...for all you know they're in a weird poly relationship where they get off on the extra partner not knowing. Let him know that for the last 2 years, you thought you were exclusively dating his SO and that you apologize if this is not an arrangement the two of them have. In case it wasn't you want to let them know, and give them the opportunity to decide for themselves if they were going to continue thier relationship with all the facts.
Be careful with this. My partner spent a lot of time of dating apps before he met me and caught A LOT of cheaters...he was almost a magnet for them...though it doesn't help that he's one of those people who can sniff out a lie a mile away. Sometimes I feel like it's literally impossible to deceive him. In the beginning he would send evidence to almost every single partner (even though he didn't engage in relationships with these women) - and almost every time he was treated as some sort of villain by the other party. One guy even threatened him with death threats...for sending screenshots of his wife's dating profile and just saying 'Hey, I talked to your wife for a few days on this app, stopped when I found her real FB and saw she was married, and in case this isn't your arrangement I wanted to let you know.'
Eventually, after this reaction became the norm, morals be damned he decided it just wasn't worth the spammed angry messages, threats and hate anymore from people he was trying to help out. So he stopped tattling on the cheaters he encountered online.
A lot of anger may get transfered onto you. Do not expect her partner to be grateful for your information. You've potentially just told them something that can destroy life as they know it and they may get angry at you for it. Which is why I said B) don't agree to meet up and, if you do, certainly not alone. Bring a friend. Make it public. People will sometimes request in persons so they can verify your identity and make sure you're not just some random person trolling them with a fake profile.