Azrai113 t1_j9yfiyi wrote

If I had to guess, I would say it bothered you that he could identify you by the thing that hurt you most and not by another feature that you feel is yourself. It really doesn't have much to do with the scars themselves, physically. You don't wanna be permanently marked or identified by this horrific thing that was done to you. Something that you feel isn't actually part of you. Something that isn't you and you don't want it to be.

If this is correct (or close) then you probably need some help dealing with the fallout of the traumatic experience. I'm not sure what kind of counciling you've had, but you might look into a Trauma Informed Therapist. There's many ways of dealing with trauma, and I have no experience with Trauma that left physical scars. All mine are emotional and not visible, physically. I had a hard time accepting that the hurt part of me is still me and deserves the same amount of love as the rest of me. I can't cut out the hurt parts of me or pretend they don't exist. I had to find a way to love and accept them, in the same way I had to learn to love and accept myself as a whole. Your best bet is to go to a professional to help you work through this and to NOT make your boyfriend your councilor. I'm sure he wants to love and support you, and clearly he had, but it's NOT his job. (This is a caution from personal experience)

If you'd like some reddit support I highly recommend r/CPTSD. A friendly community and there's books and stuff they recommend that you may find useful, especially if therapy isn't for you for whatever reason.


Azrai113 t1_j9ybpfk wrote

I used to get headaches alllll the time, only some migraines. When I was 20ish, I looked back at my life and during high school I figured I had a headache about 75% of the time. College was pretty stressful but I personally believe the hedaches/migraines became far less frequent because I was out of my abusive home environment.

At this point I very rarely get headaches at all and migraines are maybe a few times a year. They're more frequent when work is so stressful I'm afraid of losing my job. So I believe mine are directly correlated from stress/abuse. I have not been formally diagnosed with migraines, but one of my siblings has. They still get semi frequent migraines and have medication for them.

I'm just glad research is being done on migraines. They're an interesting (when not debilitating) thing as there's apparently a neurological component unlike tension headaches.


Azrai113 t1_j9y8jls wrote

I think there's a bunch of triggers for migraines and it can be pretty personal. Myself, I get migraines with aura but they seem to be caused by stress, mostly. I can eat a bunch of salty food and be fine, but say, work is stressful and I get them. Others have listed chocolate or cheese as migraine triggers.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, if salt is a trigger for you then I'm glad you figured that out and have been able to avoid these awful headaches! But that might not be the same for everyone