As she is refusing marriage counseling, there's no other alternative except divorce.

This isn't going to change because she doesn't want it to. My guess is that if she decided your son needs a little brother/sister, then she'd turn on the charm again. This isn't what you signed up for when you married her; to have a sexless marriage before you were 30yo!

You and your wife are modeling behavior for your son: being an adult, a spouse, a parent. As he grows and sees this, he will have a very warped idea of personal/sexual relationships. PLEASE get out and find someone new. Having 2 parents in two different happy homes is much better for him than watching the dismissive, disgusted repulsion that your wife is showing. You and your son deserve better. Your wife does, too, but only she can be the architect of her better life!

It IS hard, but you will find (almost immediately) upon breaking up and no longer living with her that you will feel happier, lighter, more hopeful, interested in things/people/events. When you break with her, you should make it 100% (her and all her friends/relatives on all social media) and permanent.

Those of us who've left unfulfilling long-term relationships were surprised to find how quickly we felt immensely better. Best wishes on a great 2023!

And one of the "good things" about her is that she is "very pretty". Ugh!

OP:

1. Looks don't last; no one is "very pretty" forever.

2. She shouldn't get any kudos for good looks. She received those through the genetic lottery it required no effort on her part!

3. People should be judged on the effort they make to grow as well-rounded mature people - not the superficial aspects over which they have no/limited control (big bust, broad shoulders, height, pretty eyes, "very pretty").

Here are the aspects over which she has control

• her personality - no interests of her own and not interested in yours
• her intellectualism - nothing listed
• her emotional development - she's negative, brooding, argumentative, shirks responsibility
• finances - finally starting a career at 35yo; what's she been doing for the last 1.5 decades? She's selfish and unwilling to share; she wants you to be her wallet
• So, 25% of her "good points" are that she was born attractive while 92% of her "bad points" are things over which she has control; but chooses to ignore. She's too lazy/selfish to make significant changes to herself which are necessary to be in a mature relationship with another adult partner. This woman is NOT the best partner you can find for a long-term relationship. It's a new year; treat yourself to a better relationship with a MATURE person who will pull at least 1/2 the load with you!

I agree! Maybe you don't have timelines and stuff in a year, but you sure as hell should be in a better position relationship-wise than you were 12 months earlier. They're 60 months in and OP is like, "We just need more TIME." Yeah, NO!

>We have been together for 5 years

BUT ALSO

>I feel like we haven't had a fair chance to let our relationship truly flourish

I'm not sure how much time you think an exclusive relationship takes to "flourish," but it's definitely less than 5 continuous years! Time for you to move on.