Yknow, a meaty, bony, cannibalistic squishmallow!

What's he gonna do, bite me with his middle tooth?

This is perfectly normal!

^^For ^^Scientology

She literally did

Twice!

Yeah wait a second, where do the original body owners go?

Do they just die in their sleep in time for this dude to slip in?

Are they trapped along for the ride?

Ain't nothing scarier than a dude with mommy issues

Except maybe the mother that causes them

Get somewhere safe and get the police involved. It seems like cops are the one thing she's afraid of.

I would keep your plans away from your mom. It might be a little late for her to come around.

The name is a bit of a misnomer, as most of the length is in the legs (and arms, I suppose)

You can get about 12 pounds of belly from a short pig, which is where delicious bacon is usually cut from.

Given that the ideal fat-to-meat ratio in a long pig would be in the rectus abdominis, external oblique, internal oblique, and transverse abdominal muscles of the abdomen, you would likely get considerably less bacon from a long pig.

I suppose if you went out of your way to find a particularly lengthy long pig, your dream could potentially be possible.

However, long pig tastes quite similar to veal, if you're looking for a genuine Denny's Grand Slam flavor of bacon, you might be a little disappointed.

You can make your own from scratch, but store bought is usually fine unless you're feeling fancy!

There's some purists that prefer the free range and organic ones, but honestly they're pretty expensive and taste the same anyway.

Be sure to remove hair before roasting, it becomes brittle and breaks easily making it a pain to remove as you go and can ruin an otherwise lovely meal.

Hey man, I may have sampled a little long pig here and there but most of us do draw the line at children.

Hardly any meat on them, and they aren't even ripe yet.

Welp, it was bound to happen eventually.

We had a good run guys.

I hope so, maybe it'll take care of the raccoon in my ceiling

I knew I was on to something by never drinking water or brushing my teeth!

Also explains all the lurking shadow people and the eyes that peer back at me from my vent.

I figured, still gave me a chuckle

>I was around 15 the night they died.

>like a couple in their twenties…

Man I hope this is an unfortunate simile and that your parents didn't have you at 14 (at the VERY latest)

I wonder if Der Mampf killed Decker because he actually happened to be making too much noise hunting, or if It wanted revenge after being shot at.

Or perhaps, particularly if you consider the fact that Der Mamph solely took the eyes of Blümel, the only other person to have seen it; leaving his teeth intact and his innards on the inside when teeth generally seem to be the first thing to go and the eyes not being removed prior to consumption in other occurrancss... He was killed simply for laying eyes upon the beast.

Blümel may be unwilling to describe his attacker Because he knows that he may lose more than his sight should invoke its ire and cause their paths to cross again.

Hopefully this isn't the case, as the only other living person known to have observed Der Mamph it may be plotting your evisceration and/or enucleation already.

Now that you mention it, the kitchen cabinet handles really fit like a glove...

What do you think the tile grout is made of?

That's right. Baby batter.

I feel you, I like to lounge around wearing a ketchup bottle costume, just the hat if I'm feeling feisty.

Keeps the Jehovah's Witnesses away.

Wedding dresses are expensive for a pretty dress you only get to wear for a few hours, if at all.

Nothing wrong with getting your money's (or emotional investments) worth out of it.

I do recall someone in a similar situation doing pretty well turning their land into a campground, and another offering guided tours for a hefty price, definitely worth considering if there's interest.

The Cryptid Gravy Seals are going to show up and die all over your property anyway, may as well hand them a list of rules and pocket the admission fee.

May also keep those that live in the woods from leading your employees astray if they're well sated with those that don't follow directions or intentionally antagonize.

Ooh! Good catch.

Well Ami seems to have been eaten by the slime man, but Ani might still have a chance!

In all seriousness, I wonder if you've always been "of the slime" or if touching the slime in Ami/Ani's apartment caused you to turn.

The odds of two of you being In the same apartment complex seems low, do you remember if you had any siblings?

It sounds like after this you can return to a normal human life, at least for the next 30 years.

You might be spending most of that in a very special prison for all that manslaughter, but yknow.

At the very least a little disembowelment should spice up the monotony

There's a raccoon out there frantically transcribing and translating the transmissions as we speak

The trick is to already be dead inside at your Intreview so they can't tell if you're dead on the job

I'm not sure if it would be better or worse to tell Ben how you actually get milk from a cow.

Best Case? He stops disintegrating people.

Worst case? He keeps disintegrating people, but starts with the nipples.

I have a feeling the candles take as much as they give (plus the cost of labour and materials) so bringing milk Keith back to life will likely mean someone else has to die at the least.

Dudes just doing a cryptid version of House Hunters, been trying to find the perfect house for his wife and three abominations and having shit luck.

Housing market is terrible , can't blame him