I’m gonna level with you. Do you wanna tell him for him, or for you? What are the chances he finds out on his own, if you’re totally honest with yourself? You mention the guy has a recording but I don’t understand why he’d bother to share that.

I say this because it sounds like he is in a fragile place at the moment. It might be healthier for him for you not to rock the boat. People will say, “he deserves to know”, but that’s mostly ego and fear that they might find themselves in your partners shoes.

But this isn’t something to be taken lightly. Sometimes it is genuinely better for people not to know things. If it’s certain - or even likely- this will get back to him, it’s better to come from you. Otherwise itd be better if he never had to find out.

That’s not what this comment is saying at all. It’s fine that OP ultimately decided he was not trans. But in doing so, he doesn’t need to lend credence to a debunked theory that is used to discredit trans people on a daily basis.

Many trans people can feel very turned on or have erotic thoughts about themselves being recognized (or just recognizing themselves) as their preferred gender. This does not make their identity a fetish. It does not make their gender dysphoria any less real.

In the end, OP seems to no longer be questioning their gender nor be struggling with gender identity. That’s great. But I do t think it would be hurtful or invalidating to recognize that what he went through was a genuine part of the process of coming to where he is now and not a near miss of a fetish almost leading him into a mistake as he seems to be suggesting in this post.